Anger/fear because of stupid stuff in relationship

[Elove]

hi, Im new here. I have a big problem relating to my boyfriend and my reaction/Feeling to what he does.

If he likes something or someone very much, I get so angry, maybe jealous- Im so angry at him. The Problem is, I get angry for Little stuff, if someone or something else hat his attention, If he spends too much time on social media, I feel kinda threatened and I dont know why, I really dont know why, I know ist not normal. I just want to come to the root cause of the Problem, because I dont want to ruin my relationship.

 

 

I can never get enough love, affection from him.

 

I think I dont love myself enough (I dont even know where to start loving myself, I Need directions) and that I have abandonment issues.

 

Im analyzing and analyzing to find the cause of my Feelings, but I just dont get it, please help, thanks a lot!

[sssh]

im sorry that you feel this way.

 

its very normal how you feel it happens in most relationships its not something not heard of before. first of alll its called insecurities, you are obviously insecure about him probably dedicating his time to someone or something else aside from you. instead of getting angry, why dont you just speak to him about it. say that you are feeling neglected and you need some one on one time with him. i am sure if you speak calmy and open-heartedly to him he will understand and make a change.

 

your abandonment issues- i realize its hard to have those issues but you cannot bring those issues into your current relationship. he is with you for however long and he hasnt left you so i dont think you should dilute your relationship with problems that dont concern it. how about you talk to him about the abandonment issues and see how opening up can help you, you will see that he will give you the reassurance that he is there to stay. dont ruin a good thing,

 

loving yourself is key to any relationship, how can you love someone else or allow someone else to love you if you do not love yourself? you are BEAUTIFUL PERSON and im sure he sees that beauty in you. i think you should consider therapy or counselling

[ControlDenied]

Sorry sssh but I disagree. It is not normal. Insecurity is widespread.... Yes. But it is not normal.

ELove: you have LOW SELF ESTEEM. This is manifested in many ways, all in the examples you gave. This is Subconciously happening and by bringing attention to it you can start improving.

- Subconciously you feel that your whole self is dependant of this man attention. So when his atention goes somewhere else your subconcious feels threatened.

You basically have given this man a huge power over yourself.

[ControlDenied]

Read "The six pillars of self esteem" by Nathaniel branden.... Is a long journey to restore high self esteem but is worthy!!!

[ThatwasThen]

I will add that its most likely due to age as well. I'm assuming you are young.

 

What triggers your fear of him abandoning you? Is he not attentive at all? Do you feel the relationship is one sided?

 

It will help you to get over these fears if you have a full life without him. It sounds as if you have made him your whole life and if he ever leaves you, you're going to be left with no means of attention, love, entertainment etc. Any truth to that?

[limichelle]

Hi,

 

I think you answered your own question. You need to love yourself enough that you make yourself complete, nobody else.

Jealousy comes from deep insecurity and it sounds like before you get mad you need to step back, take a deep breath and ask yourself why you are angry at him doing something other then giving you all his focus. Then reason with yourself that he is his own person and needs to do his own things.

 

Ask yourself how would you feel if he got mad at you for you wanting to do your own thing once in awhile. Or if you wanted to make some friends and talked to other people and he went into a jealous fit?

 

I bet you would not like that at all and deem him controlling.

 

You are doing that to him, controlling him by constantly keeping him underneath your thumb won't keep him.

 

You really need to work on yourself.

 

Lisa

[Wiseman2]

Have you met in person? How long have you been dating? Are you in high school or college? It sounds like you want all of his undivided attention which is not realistic. You need to get more involved in school, activities, interests friends and family.

 

It sounds like you are bored/empty and that's why you obsess over attention.

If he likes something or someone very much, I get so angry, maybe jealous- Im so angry at him. The Problem is, I get angry for Little stuff, if someone or something else hat his attention, If he spends too much time on social media, I feel kinda threatened and I dont know why

[j.man]

I actually completely disagree with talking to him about your insecurities that you yourself admit are mundane and abnormal. When you notice you've got an issue in any context, your first inclination shouldn't be to bring others into it. You should exhaust self-soothing techniques, read some literature, something. Setting a precedent of him talking you through every insecurity you feel is very toxic to a relationship.

 

You're getting great advice here with regard to expanding your interests, hobbies, and contacts. This really does often result from making one person the center of your world, which isn't a position any healthy man wants to be in.