3 months on and I'm going backwards...? Need advice!

[Lilsck]

This is really long but please persevere

 

So, February 2011, I began a new job and met this girl, I'll call her H. I had a boyfriend, but this girl intrigued me and I ended things with my boyfriend in the May and H and I began sleeping together. When we met, H had a girlfriend of 4 years. However she was cheating on the girlfriend and it all came out and girlfriend kicked her out and broke up with her. This girlfriend, let's call her S, didn't like me... She had a feeling about me and was insecure about the friendship H was building with me.

H and I sleeping together, dating and seeing each other (and other people) went on till August 2012, when I went on holiday, sept with someone else, and we both realised we wanted to be together. This was my first relationship with a woman but I was cool with that. At this same time I had a hugely anxious period in my life and H found it hard to cope with.

So from May 2011 to August 2012, we were having sex and dating, no commitment. August 2012 we committed officially, and lived about 20 mins away from each other until I had to move to a city 2 hours away from work. This happened in November 2013. I was there for a year and H and I remained committed to each other. We had some great times but also a lot of arguments. We spoke about our futures and decided I would move back to my home town and we would move in together. So in November 2014, I came home, and we started looking for our own place, eventually moving in together in February 2015. Unfortunately I had another anxious period which resulted in me losing my job. I didn't work for 2 months and found it very very hard to do anything, and I was put on anti depressants. H would stand there screaming at me when I was crying, calling me crazy and selfish and that people were ill and I was a selfish crazy . When I cried in an argument I got laughed at, "aw turn the water works on, boo hoo" in a mocking voice. I just accepted that's how she dealt with it. Anyway I gradually picked myself up and got a job, but then she suffered a bad leg injury in the May... I had been booked to go to work 2 days after this happened and I wanted to cancel but she pushed me to go, however she then threw this back in my face saying that I wasn't there for the hard part and that I didn't take her to appointments etc...

We moved out in the August, me to my parents and her to hers.

Since we moved in together, our sex life vanished. H before hand, was highly sexual. We would always want to rip each other's clothes off and she was affectionate and passionate... I gradually became aware that she wasn't interested in sleeping with me... And I asked her about it - all I got told was that she wasn't up for it and she would shout at me, "if you're so ing desperate for sex then go and someone else"... Nice eh... She would also say, "if you didn't nag me so much then maybe I'd want to sleep with you"... I didn't realise I nagged a lot, I guess I liked things being done in a specific way but I tried to calm down any "nagging"...

We had some huge arguments over the past 5 years... Screaming and shouting (mostly on her part as I tried to stay calm but then if I got upset she would mock me)... She used to blame me for her not being able to find places, she used to go through my phone and iPad reading messages. She used to flirt outrageously with girls in front of me and not understand when I asked her not to. We were part of a sports team and she would kiss the girls on their cheeks, she would pick them up, slap their asses... I asked her not to as it was disrespectful to me and she got cross and told me I was trying to control her and that she would do what she wanted. Everything I said she would tell me I was belittling her and starting on her... Even though I wasn't... She didn't seem like she enjoyed being in my company. She wouldn't cuddle me, or hold my hand, I even had to ask for kisses.

 

So. In May 2016 I started having a funny feeling about and and a girl from our sports team. I asked her about it and was told nothing was going on, but I just had a gut feeling... On June 6th H asked if I minded her going for a dog walk with this girl, let's call her B and a group of people. As it was a group I didn't mind. Anyway she arrived at this girls house at about 9am and didn't come back home till almost 5pm... I asked who she was with and she said "B and Belle and Max"... I thought they'd be B friends and later she told me they were the dogs... I was a bit off about this as it felt that she had tried to trick me.

Fast forward to the Thursday and we had a horrible argument, I walked away because we weren't getting anywhere and said maybe we needed a break as she had told me she wanted to sort her anger out... I suggested seeing each other less so she had time to look at her anger but not break up or be alone etc... Horrible argument on Friday too... On Saturday she text me saying she wanted us to be happy again and that afternoon text asking if she could take me for supper. I agreed and went to pick her up... In the car on the way to the pub, she broke up with me... I was cross at first then I cried and she got annoyed I didn't want to go to the pub for food!!!!!

I couldn't change her mind, so I took her home...

She continued texting me each morning and she called me etc, saying she loved me, missed me, she took me on a date and kissed me... This went on for a month.

Then on about July 10th I got a text saying she was done completely and didn't want to be with me. I did the usual begging etc but she wasn't interested.

We had a holiday booked for 23rd July which I went on alone - I sent her the ticket for herself and said if she wanted to come then she had paid etc... She didn't turn up so I went alone and extended my trip and travelled back through Europe - I was away for a month. However the night before I was due back from this holiday I got an email saying she wanted to see me and talk to me. She wouldn't tell me what it was about, I started to think she wanted me back... I asked her if she had met someone new and moved on and she said no that wasn't it at all... She then said she missed me and was thinking about me.

Next, I stupidly went on Facebook from a friends phone and saw that this dog walk girl, B, had tagged H in a photo "our view from hotel room"... I was shaking... And a few days later asked H outright if they were in a relationship... All I got was "she isn't my girlfriend". She then admitted they'd been sleeping together and dating each other but she swore nothing was going on when we were together... 3 weeks it took from when she ended it for good with me to her getting involved with B... Though who knows how long it has actually been going on...

She came round last Tuesday and was saying she was confused and she loves me and that part of her wanted to be with me but she was scared we would just argue... She kept saying her and B weren't in a relationship... It was horrible and I was so so sad I asked her not to contact me anymore and she agreed.

I then went on a holiday and she knew when I was home. Night before I was due home I had another email from her saying that she had found some more of my stuff and didn't I want her to drop it round in the week. I was so cross she had contacted me and I think it was done that night on purpose. It was unnecessary.

She's just replaced with me B so easily... How can someone do that after a 4 year relationship? She's lying to her friends, she is spending all her time with B... She even introduced her to her parents...

I was doing well but I feel as though I'm slipping backwards... I feel sick all the time and anxious and no appetite... Surely after almost 3 months I should be feeling better??

 

Please respond, I need someone to talk to

[WingSaber]

Try not talking to her for 30 days. She obviously still has feelins and is only trying to fill the void with that other person.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately history repeats itself and it sounds like she moves in with someone then eventually starts cheating and in about 4 yrs it all falls apart. You dodged a bullet because that pattern will likely repeat.

When we met, H had a girlfriend of 4 years. However she was cheating on the girlfriend and it all came out and girlfriend kicked her out and broke up with her. She's just replaced with me B so easily... How can someone do that after a 4 year relationship?