mountaingirl Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 I was in a relationship of convenience. The guy didn't treat me well but we were best friends. I wanted to move on and as I started to (met someone else), he had an epiphany that I was the one for me and started fighting for me. But I had had enough, I needed time to heal before I could contemplate a proper relationship. He moved away and continued to persist, ignoring my wishes for no contact. So I guess I'm in a long-distance relationship. Whenever I tell him person I want to move on, that I don't want to be with him, he either breakdowns or just don't accept it. It's like he hits the reset button and pretends everything is fine the next day. Or apologizes profusely. Or guilt-trips me and blames me for everything. I've tried to move on so many times and cut all contact but he always find a way to contact me. When I'm feeling good and strong I think I can handle it, but it always plunges me back into depression. I feel so low that I can't seem to let him go. Everyone thinks it is so easy, and it is, yet I allow him to continue to be in my life. It's like I'm addicted to him. I love him, and I do second guess myself about whether we could be good when we're back together in person, in a proper committed relationship. But his behaviour during this whole time, the stress it has put on me, makes me think otherwise. But I can't see clearly. I feel so weak. I don't want this to continue to drag out. I either need to commit to it or leave. I know I would be fine and happy by myself, but I'm concerned for him. He threatens to hurt himself, he has depression (I finally go him to go to therapy), he has previously quit his job, and it breaks my heart the emotional turmoil that he goes through. Thanks for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gebaird Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 I know I would be fine and happy by myself, but I'm concerned for him. He threatens to hurt himself, he has depression (I finally go him to go to therapy), he has previously quit his job, and it breaks my heart the emotional turmoil that he goes through. It's not your job to save him. His threats are nothing more than manipulations to get you to stay. Do not attempt to be in a committed relationship with this guy - it will never work (I think a part of you knows that). You do have a choice. You can get out of this. Block him everywhere, get a stalking injunction if you have to, find a friend or therapist to advise you and work through the addiction withdrawals that always accompany a loss like this one. Don't let him keep dragging you into his misery. This isn't Phantom of the Opera. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moodindigo91 Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Wow. I'm literally in the same exact position except I live with mine and see him everyday. And it's not better in person I can tell you that much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Toxic? Not even a question of staying now is it, why would you want to? This guy is manipulating and gaslighting you like crazy, you know it, why do you think it will ever get any better. It won't. That only happens in movies and books. Block, delete, go to anti-stalking measures, run away as fast as you can. This one is never going to get better, but it can get a whole lot worse, so so so much worse. Personal experience speaking and watching people repeatedly escape or try to escape abusive relationships working 16 years in a women's clinic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mountaingirl Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 Thank you everyone for your replies. They're really appreciated and I read them a couple of times to build my strength. I had a Skype conversation with this guy and we discussed everything and I have initiated no contact once again — this time blocking absolutely all areas of contact that I might have forgotten before. In the past, we would have these conversations, agree to give each other space and then he would start harassing me the next day. So this time, with all areas blocked, I know I can stick it out if he's not in my life. It will be hard but I know it will become better. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westwardho18 Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 He has no respect for you as a human being he views you as merely a utensil or a pet there for his emotional stability but replaceable at the end of the day you need to stand up for yourself or else prepare to be used up and dropped as soon as he no longer needs an emotional crutch, he didn't fight for you because he realised he loved you, if he had he would be doing everything he can to make it up, it seems like he wanted to stop you moving on because you do not deserve a life of your own your sole purpose in his eyes is to serve his emotional needs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trident777 Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 I was in a relationship of convenience. The guy didn't treat me well but we were best friends. First off he was not your best friend. Friends treat you with respect so by definition he isn't your friend. As for being in a toxic relationship that is your fault and you have to take ownership by gaining self respect. I was also in a toxic relationship where I was treated poorly and emotionally abused, but I take blame for allowing that to happen. I learned and am not going to allow it to happen again. People who do not treat you with respect do not deserve your respect or time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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