spanishgirl99 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 So I was dating an arabic guy for 4 months.. he was so different and so sweet. He met my family and everything, and he was happy to meet them he loved spending time with them. He always told me how much he cared and liked me and he made me feel beautiful even though I was super insecure. But sometimes I was sad and never told him because of his family. It was like a secret relationship and only his friends knew. he said he was different and was doing things his way and recently we were on the phone and I got that off my chest how I felt and he said he didn't know about this and had think about the relationship he ignored me for 3 days ignored my texts and calls, on the 4th day he answered my text and said it's never going to work it just hurts if that's what he knew from the beginning due to his family views why did he lead me on for 4 months I'm devastated I don't know what to do
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 You did the right thing by telling him your thoughts on this, be glad you did this only 4 mos in. He could have strung you along longer and broken your heart. As you know, his family will arrange an Arabic/Muslim virgin for him to marry. Often they turn a blind eye to men sowing their wild oats on "modern western women". .So I was dating an arabic guy for 4 months.. It was like a secret relationship and only his friends knew. on the 4th day he answered my text and said it's never going to work it just hurts if that's what he knew from the beginning due to his family views why did he lead me on for 4 months
spanishgirl99 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Yes I know it just hurts so much, especially because he always talked about the future with us he was the first guy I really opened up too and it just hurts how he can just delete me from his life like it doesn't affect him
moodindigo91 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Awe I'm sorry, that sucks. He strung you along with no intention of anything serious, it's better that he did this 4 months in instead of a year in, though. Keep your chin up, you'll find someone better
dave_1966 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I'd count your blessings, consider it a close shave, and move on.
Capricorn3 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Sorry you're hurting but you dodged a bullet. Thankfully it was a short 4 months and not too much time invested which would have made it much harder.
j.man Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 First and foremost, let me disclaim that it does look like a bullet dodged and it sounds irrelevant to him being Muslim. People of different creeds or those lacking one have pulled the very same stunt. That out of the way, it takes longer than four months for me to start touting a woman to family. Friends obviously sooner. Depending on the manner in which you're doing it, I'd be careful how full on you get about not being included among the family just a few months in, especially if there are cultural considerations.
greta96 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Yes I know it just hurts so much, especially because he always talked about the future with us he was the first guy I really opened up too and it just hurts how he can just delete me from his life like it doesn't affect him Spanishgirl99, I know it hurts but he isn't just deleting you from his life like it doesn't affect him, he didn't intend to be in your life for the long haul to begin with. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision, he probably already has a wife picked and you did good by opening up to him, because you just sped up a chain of events that were going to happen anyway. These guys are very charming, and they will always say everything they know the women want to hear, because if they just say "I want to sow my wild oats before they marry me", not too many women will jump at the chance. It may affect him too, who knows? But it still doesn't change the outcome, which is - he needs to stick with tradition and marry someone else. You need to be very careful when getting involved with guys from these cultures, and never go only by what they tell you.
sophie274 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 FYI, Arabic is the language, Arab is the ethnicity.
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Ok yes it does, but what you learned is how a player operates: talking about the future, moving fast, making promises, lots of charm, etc. So now you know some very valuable information to prevent getting hurt in the future by this type of guy.Yes I know it just hurts so much, especially because he always talked about the future with us he was the first guy I really opened up too and it just hurts how he can just delete me from his life like it doesn't affect him
Mari Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 You did the right thing by telling him your thoughts on this, be glad you did this only 4 mos in. He could have strung you along longer and broken your heart. As you know, his family will arrange an Arabic/Muslim virgin for him to marry. Often they turn a blind eye to men sowing their wild oats on "modern western women". . Muslims don't have a concept of "sowing their wild oats" even if it's modern western women. Muslims consider it a major sin to sleep with a girl outside of marriage, up there with sins like murder or theft. The guys are supposed to be virgins and the families prefer marrying their son to someone is a virgin and hasn't dated. The also tell their son to not date as well and wait for marriage. Beyond that it differs from family to family. Some families allow the children to pick their spouse and are open to any race and women of Abrahamic religions. They may not even care if the girl dated before or isn't a virgin. Other families are very strict and want their son to marry based on their choice, the son goes out likes a girl and they guilt trip him into marrying the girl they want. He doesn't get much of a say. But it really depends on the family. It seems her guy didn't get the approval from his parents and then gave up. Other guys fight for that approval, I've known one guy that rejected every proposal that came through the door until his parents finally accepted his girl, cause he wasn't going to get married otherwise. Took him a year to do it though. And then there are players who are barely even Muslim and don't take the religion seriously. Those guys, like any players, are interested in one thing and will lie to get it. They may continue to be players even after marrying their virgin wife which they may lie to get.
Wiseman2 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Agree, his parents most likely did not approve, but he would have known that and strung her along anyway as you say, like a typical player. It seems her guy didn't get the approval from his parents and then gave up. Those guys, like any players, are interested in one thing and will lie to get it. They may continue to be players even after marrying their virgin wife which they may lie to get.
Mari Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Agree, his parents most likely did not approve, but he would have known that and strung her along anyway as you say, like a typical player. That's a lot of deleting paragraphs to get those two sentences together I don't think he's a player, if he was, I would expect him to claim his parents are coming and wanting to meet her, and then stretch the relationship as long as he could. This guy met her family so he sounds more legit. Most times these guys see someone they like and get to know the person better and aren't sure if it's time to meet the parents yet. Although by the time it is time to meet the parents they're already in love. So I don't think he just dated her for nothing, and he's probably hurting pretty bad right now too.
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