3 years togetherness, very happy, and then dumped. I'm a mess.

[jaredmb05]

I. AM. A. MESS!

 

I don't know what happened.

 

We had a beautiful relationship for three years. I never felt like I could be so myself with someone no he would tell me the same. We had trust and passion and it was amazing. Everyone called us NYC sweethearts, the cool couple, etc. We started have intimacy less and less and maybe I brought it up more than I should have which is what pushed him away but still it wasn't something huge that we couldn't work through. Even just looking at his Instagram and the countless pictures he posted of us right before the break up. Some of just me and how much he loved me.

 

Well about 6 weeks ago, we got into an argument (which was very rare) and he decided it was time to end it. I begged and asked why and al;l he could say is that he lost his identity and we became too complacent. He said that initial passion and excitement was gone. I tried to tell him we could work on that but he went on to say he got into the relationship too young (he was 24 and I was 27) and he needed to find himself.

 

So he moved out and was also a mess. He even lost his job he was so upset. But he was adamant about breaking up. He did say he wanted to work on finding "us" again.

 

Well two weeks after we broke up he changed and seemed a lot happier. He seemed like he couldn't care less about the break up. I found out he had started dating someone else. It was another stab in the heart. How could we go from being so happy to now this? We were about to move to a new home and adopt a dog.

 

He moved out and as I moving out I found a lot of things he left and asked if he wanted them. Some from his grandmother. He won't even respond to me.

 

If anyone has experienced something similar or have any insight in all it would be much appreciated.

 

I've been trying to get through this but I'm still in shock and am having trouble processing everything.

 

Thank you.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you were on different pages as to the relationship, commitments, etc. for example his wanting freedom and space right before getting a house, dog etc.

 

It sounds like he was not as on board with all that as he may have pretended to be. At least he was finally honest rather than just coasting along with all your plans to move things along into further commitments.

 

Perhaps he found someone more on his wavelength as far as relationships and commitments go. It was probably difficult for him, but he did the right thing setting you free.

he lost his identity and we became too complacent.he went on to say he got into the relationship too young (he was 24 and I was 27) and he needed to find himself. I found out he had started dating someone else.

[Iggy5129]

He met her and decided to end your relationship to see if it could work with her.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you but he's not being honest.

[MissCanuck]

He met her and decided to end your relationship to see if it could work with her.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you but he's not being honest.

 

I was coming to post the same thing.

 

That loss of intimacy was likely connected to this too, OP. He may have been feeling guilty knowing he wasn't invested anymore.

[gebaird]

Yep, I was thinking he might have met someone new as well and decided to end the relationship to be with her.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain. Sometimes relationship problems are all on the table and you can kind of see what's coming and maybe have a chance to work through it. Other times everything seems like paradise and then one day it ends instantly. But usually there is something eating away at the other person, like termites that destroy a house from the inside out. It seemed like everything was fine, but in truth it wasn't. Some people struggle in relationships when they get past the falling in love stage and actually have to work to keep the romance alive. It can be a maturity thing.

 

I don't think there is anything you could have done differently. He chose to leave you rather than speaking his truth. Right or wrong, that was his choice to make.

 

I'd focus less on finding answers about why it ended and more on moving forward and healing, accepting your unfortunate reality but understanding you won't always feel like this.

[moodindigo91]

Yeah I agree. Seems like he met someone else while he was with you and wanted to explore his options. As for the Instagram pictures before you broke up, seems like he was trying to fool himself into wanting to stay in the relationship for a while. He really did love you, just wanted to move on. Once you break up with someone, you will feel really bad about it for a while, very guilty. A week or two of that, then you start to feel better about yourself and even happy that you did it because (especially in his case) it was probably something he'd been thinking about doing for a while and it weighed heavily on him (because no one wants to break up with someone they love).

 

Sort of dodged a bullet with the new home and the dog, glad he dropped the bomb before all of that took place.

[No1]

See, I dont think he met someone and ended the relationship to date the new girl. You would of noticed a change in the guy. He would of had a bounce in his step, wanted to work out, he would of had energy and smiled a lot more. There would of been a change in him if he had met a new girl. I think the new girl came right after the break up, but who knows.

 

I think he had wanted out of the relationship for some time and the argument was a great opening to end it. So he took it. It was nothing you did, nothing you said and there was nothing you could of done to 'save' the relationship from falling apart. It takes two people to make things work and if one person doesnt want to be in it, then its doomed.

 

I have felt your pain of a sudden break up so I know how it feels to be blind sided. I know I spun around in circles, didnt know what to do, was in shock, lost, had so many questions that went unanswered and didnt have any sense of direction or where to go or even how to get there. I look at the past, held on to past promises and it hurt me as much as it made me smile to think of the X, but it still hurt.

 

You will be okay and in time you will be happy again. Thats something you have to understand. This is not the end of the world and life does go on. Life has removed this guy from your heart so that you have room in your life for someone better.

 

You are going to go thru a whole bag full of emotions and thats normal. Work on yourself, do things to make you happy and rely on your family, friends, stay active, eat, sleep and dont look back to the past. In the end youll be happy again.

[lyssse]

VERY similar situation to you. I dated my ex boyfriend for 6.5 years. We had an awesome relationship, never any arguing (unless over stupid stuff) and we were best friends. About a year ago we had to move across the country from all friends and family for his job. The stress of being homesick, financial instability, me not being able to make friends because I was working so much, took a huge toll on our relationship. Our relationship became stagnant and we became a lot less intimate. I knew it was just a stage and blamed it all on stress and knew that once we moved back home in a couple years, things would get better. I guess my boyfriend got scared we became so comfortable and stagnant and was emotionally distancing himself from me.

 

In the beginning of June he went to Cancun with his hometown guy friends, met a 21 year old girl (he's 26), cheated on me with her, and then came home and broke up with me. He told me all his feelings and how the spark was gone between us. I told him we could work on this. Maybe I just needed a reality check and stop taking him for granted. We could do more date nights, go to couples therapy, etc. He told me he didn't know if this was a break or a breakup, but something was telling him he needed time apart from me.

 

Fast forward to now, 2 months later, and I find out he kept in contact with the girl from Cancun, and they are officially dating. This girl just happened to be from the same area in New York that we are from so within the past two months he has come home for work related issues and they have seen each other then..It has only been about 10 times they have hangout in person, but he felt the need to slap a label on them.

 

I've gone completely NC with him, blocked him on every social media account, and basically treated this like a death. It sounds harsh, but I just don't want to know anything anymore. I'm channeling all my anger, hurt, sadness, frustration into half marathon training. Hopefully I'll also come on top with a better body to show him what he's missing. I think he made a huge mistake by impulsively leaving his girlfriend of 6.5 years, who supported and loved him like no other, for a 21 year old fling. It's a long distance relationship because he still lives in California, so he doesn't even know if this girl is compatible with him. He is still blinded by infatuation right now to truly see the mistake he is making.

[shelbyjanik24]

I can relate. I was 6 years older than my ex. He left me so quickly. We were best friends and a couple. Everyone we knew said we were goals. People wanted what we had

[shelbyjanik24]

My world was completely flipped upside down.

[jaredmb05]

VERY similar situation to you. I dated my ex boyfriend for 6.5 years. We had an awesome relationship, never any arguing (unless over stupid stuff) and we were best friends. About a year ago we had to move across the country from all friends and family for his job. The stress of being homesick, financial instability, me not being able to make friends because I was working so much, took a huge toll on our relationship. Our relationship became stagnant and we became a lot less intimate. I knew it was just a stage and blamed it all on stress and knew that once we moved back home in a couple years, things would get better. I guess my boyfriend got scared we became so comfortable and stagnant and was emotionally distancing himself from me.

 

In the beginning of June he went to Cancun with his hometown guy friends, met a 21 year old girl (he's 26), cheated on me with her, and then came home and broke up with me. He told me all his feelings and how the spark was gone between us. I told him we could work on this. Maybe I just needed a reality check and stop taking him for granted. We could do more date nights, go to couples therapy, etc. He told me he didn't know if this was a break or a breakup, but something was telling him he needed time apart from me.

 

Fast forward to now, 2 months later, and I find out he kept in contact with the girl from Cancun, and they are officially dating. This girl just happened to be from the same area in New York that we are from so within the past two months he has come home for work related issues and they have seen each other then..It has only been about 10 times they have hangout in person, but he felt the need to slap a label on them.

 

I've gone completely NC with him, blocked him on every social media account, and basically treated this like a death. It sounds harsh, but I just don't want to know anything anymore. I'm channeling all my anger, hurt, sadness, frustration into half marathon training. Hopefully I'll also come on top with a better body to show him what he's missing. I think he made a huge mistake by impulsively leaving his girlfriend of 6.5 years, who supported and loved him like no other, for a 21 year old fling. It's a long distance relationship because he still lives in California, so he doesn't even know if this girl is compatible with him. He is still blinded by infatuation right now to truly see the mistake he is making.

 

THIS IS EXACTLY IT!!!

 

I cant imagine just being able to get over what we had like he did. He's happily dating someone else also. All we can do is move on, you're right.

 

My fear is now that I've experienced a relationship that I thought was perfect and still managed to get my heart broken, how am I supposed to get into my next one without worrying the same thing is going to happen? There were no warning signs..