Chargersfan Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 I went on my first female same-sex date this past weekend. She and I had very heavy communication prior to our date, like 3-4 hours per night. Long story short, after the date, she wanted to be friends and reduce our communication. Once I feel a sense of attachment, I find it very hard to detach. I thought about it and felt it was best to have no-contact/no communication for the foreseeable future because it would hurt too much, otherwise, considering how much we'd been communicating. Also being that this was my first same-sex experience of any kind, I felt like I needed to take a break and take stock. She and I made out, which was a very huge deal for me, and when I told her that it would be hard to be around her and not want to kiss her, she said, "Well, I never said you couldn't do that." That would just leave me more confused, though, and felt it was best to take a step back. I expressed to her that I was saddened, but that I understood her point of view and decision. I told her that I liked her very much, I wished her the best and truly hoped she'd find the girlfriend she was looking for because I think she's really cool. To the last part, she became a little upset. She said that it was "completely uncalled for and out of line" to say that part. My question is, what did I say/do wrong? Eventually, she wanted reassurance that this is what I wanted. I told her yes, it would be best for me this way. She said fine and told me that she hoped I'd find the girlfriend I was looking for and we bid goodbye. Later that night, she text messaged me despite me asking and us agreeing to no-contact. She was coy and vague, but that's something else altogether. My main question is what did I say wrong? I was being very sincere and wearing my heart on my sleeve. I truly want the best for her and if she just wanted to be friends, I don't get how telling her I hoped she'd find someone (because I think you're really cool) is out of line? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zippy2000 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 You didnt say or do anything wrong Shs jus not attracted you or you are what she is looking for. Its for example you sit on a bench on a street. Ten people wak past you. Maybe one or none catch your eye. We all have an inbuilt human profile of what we are looking for. You just dont fit it so please stop trying to read into it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Its why people say you should meet sooner then later. People get attached over the phone but it's different feelings in person for whatever reason. No one did anything wrong it just wasn't a match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 You didn't say or do anything wrong. She wanted to friendzone you and you appropriately declined. I told her that I liked her very much, I wished her the best and truly hoped she'd find the girlfriend she was looking for because I think she's really cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gebaird Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Sometimes the emotional connection is strong, but the physical chemistry just isn't there for one person (or both). Good for you for holding your ground and staying out of the friend with benefits zone. This would have become a LOT more complicated otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Also being that this was my first same-sex experience of any kind, I felt like I needed to take a break and take stock. She and I made out, which was a very huge deal for me, and when I told her that it would be hard to be around her and not want to kiss her, she said, "Well, I never said you couldn't do that." That would just leave me more confused, though, and felt it was best to take a step back. I expressed to her that I was saddened, but that I understood her point of view and decision. I told her that I liked her very much, I wished her the best and truly hoped she'd find the girlfriend she was looking for because I think she's really cool. To the last part, she became a little upset. She said that it was "completely uncalled for and out of line" to say that part. My question is, what did I say/do wrong? Talk about a mixed message, geez. She wants to be 'friends' but still wants and even encourages you to make out with her? That is effed up and no you didn't do or say anything wrong. She offered "friendship" and you rejected (very graciously I might add), good for you. She got pissy because she didn't expect you to reject her "friendship" offer. She expected you to go along with her agenda, which, with the making out and all that, sounds like an FWB situation. You bruised her little ego so she lashed out at you. FWIW, I have a gay female friend (platonic, I am 100% straight). She used to date men. She told me that the gay women she dates play more head games with her than 50 straight men combined! Sounds like the case here too OP... proceed with caution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucha Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Sounds like a typical case of woman to woman dating! You didn't say anything wrong, on the contrary. You handled the situation very well. Kudos to you. As katrina said, the girl got her ego bruised by you not being upset over her proposing to be 'just' friends. So she decided to mess with your head a little. And she will continue to do so if you stay in contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargersfan Posted August 31, 2016 Author Share Posted August 31, 2016 Thanks guys. This just recently happened, so I wanted to be sure I didn't say or do anything wrong. Later that same night, despite my request for no-contact/no communication. She text messaged me anyways. She was coy and vague, mostly. She spent most of her time apologizing for reaching out because I had asked her not to contact me. The tone of her texts is scattered. From saying "I miss you silly" to "look woman, I had fun with you yesterday and we have been talking so much that it isn't easy for me to just cut off either." One of her texts said "I wanted to say and that I miss you. So there." At the end of our exchange, she's still being coy. She says I'm too black and white and that she's grey and would prefer to be friends, as she had mentioned earlier. I ended communication with her and have her blocked on my phone. Very confusing experience, as I am nearing my mid-30's and have only been with men. Thanks guys! You've certainly helped me!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucha Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Thanks guys. This just recently happened, so I wanted to be sure I didn't say or do anything wrong. Later that same night, despite my request for no-contact/no communication. She text messaged me anyways. She was coy and vague, mostly. She spent most of her time apologizing for reaching out because I had asked her not to contact me. The tone of her texts is scattered. From saying "I miss you silly" to "look woman, I had fun with you yesterday and we have been talking so much that it isn't easy for me to just cut off either." One of her texts said "I wanted to say and that I miss you. So there." At the end of our exchange, she's still being coy. She says I'm too black and white and that she's grey and would prefer to be friends, as she had mentioned earlier. I ended communication with her and have her blocked on my phone. Very confusing experience, as I am nearing my mid-30's and have only been with men. Thanks guys! You've certainly helped me!! She threw another bait, you didn't take it (well done) - she notices she is not on your pedestal anymore so she brings herself to the point of actually saying she misses you, because surely that would make you admit your love to her again. Anything other than 'I want to be in a relationship with you' are what are called 'crumbs'. Friends don't normally make out. Good handling on your part! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargersfan Posted August 31, 2016 Author Share Posted August 31, 2016 Awwww thank you for the reassurance! I was double-guessing myself She threw another bait, you didn't take it (well done) - she notices she is not on your pedestal anymore so she brings herself to the point of actually saying she misses you, because surely that would make you admit your love to her again. Anything other than 'I want to be in a relationship with you' are what are called 'crumbs'. Friends don't normally make out. Good handling on your part! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 I would like to add to the chorus of "you didn't say anything wrong". I think it's a very important point. You can't take any ownership for her behaviour. She was upset about the offer of friendship, simply because you wouldn't give her her way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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