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Extremely concerned


Bambi25

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I love my boyfriend very much and we have a good life together but a little while back I discovered that he was paying a lot of money to watch a particular pornstar on any site he could find her on. He told me he had a problem with porn and I tried to be understanding. The thing that actually worries me most though is not the porn itself. It's his obsession with this certain porn star, he even managed to find her own personal Facebook and has looked at it more than once. Now these are just normal pictures of the woman in every day life. To me this seems abnormal, should I be worried? Is it just curiosity?

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That is very creepy... your BF has the tendencies of a stalker and is on the fast track to a restraining order from the porn star. Would he tolerate the same behavior from you if the tables were turned? That obsession is NOT normal, make sure you visit his house to check there isn't an overweight woman at the bottom of a well in his basement being forced to put the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

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@Bambi25, your boyfriend's behavior is not normal. I get the use of porn and liking a certain star, but to the point of going on Facebook and stalking her? It's right out there on the creep factor.

Ask yourself, are you okay with this? If you are not, I'd say you run! What worries me is the obsession, who knows what other crazy fetishes does he have? You could try asking him to seek counselling for this if you are not willing to leave him?

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For some people, porn can be as much as an addiction as alcohol or drugs. Whatever, it means he can't be fully in the relationship with you - as you say, it's the obsession which is the issue here, not so much the object of it.

 

Here's a link which you might find useful in making a decision about where you go from here [url="

 

What you also need to remember in all this is that you can never, ever, change another person.

 

Good luck, whatever you decide.

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He told me he wanted to stop looking at porn but I can't be sure if he has or not, I just have to trust him and that is very hard when I find out he had been on the girls personal Facebook. That is a whole other level to me. Do you think he is obsessed with her outside of pornography? Or is this just an extension to the problem?

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He can't give me a reason as to why he was on her personal Facebook. I want to know what possessed him and he just can't give a reason. I guess he knows the answer will hurt me. I feel as though he has been fantasising about her outside of the pornorgraphy. Why does he need to see her smiling with her friends with her clothes on? It makes me feel a bit ill. Even more so than the porn because I felt I could understand that more.

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You should tell him that it became a bit worrying. But put it in a way that it will look like he will benefit from change, be carefull of what you say because you do not want to sound like you are accusing him of something since he will then go to defense mode. Tell him if he wants to quit watching porn you will be there for him. It's an addiction and it has to be treated like one.

 

It's weird and hardly understandable, like asking alcoholic why he'd rather drink than eat if he knows he will feel sick after. It's not logical,as any addiction is not logical.

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This is crazy get some self respect and put your foot down why should you feel like crap so he can be a creep stop enabling this crap the only reason you are putting up with it is probably feelings of inadequacy when you get out of this you will look back and wonder how you allow some tosser to make you feel like this you have every right to tell him get over it or get lost but you are not hanging around to be made a mug of go find a man who is interested in reality

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This is definitely not normal. Watching porn sometimes is normal. I have never actually met anyone that paid for porn (it's 2016... you can watch it for free online) so that would concern me in and of itself. The fact that he stalks a porn star on the Internet is just creepy.

 

He is literally internet stalking a porn star.

 

Super, super creepy. I'd peace out of this relationship.

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It is a whole other level, yes obsession, beyond just watching porn..no they are two different concepts. Watching porn excessively/excessive masturbation is one type of problem. Following around a particular porn-star is an obsession.

 

You must ask him why he is obsessing over this. It's not about the porn so skip that conversation.

I find out he had been on the girls personal Facebook. That is a whole other level to me. Do you think he is obsessed with her outside of pornography?
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