Involved with someone else but missing ex..

[keepItReal223]

Today for some reason i cant stop thinking about her its been a week of NC (we was only in contact to get my stuff back) she unblocked me on twitter i still have her blocked (she use to love being on my twitter) i start to over analyze that situation thinking she want to reach out or miss me or whatever. I even search for things on here on what does it mean if a ex unblocks you smh.

 

With this other girl shes cool she likes me alot but i feel like im not all the way there. We already had sex multiple times even then my mind is not present and im not myself. Not to brag but im pretty good at sex. With this new girl sometimes it takes me forever to get up and i been feeling really fatigue I dont last long as i use to and idk what it is that i need to do its very frustrating. I even avoid kissing her. I couldnt keep my hands and lips off my ex literally anywhere we go we either had our hands or lips on each other. Idk if this is due to the fact my ex looks better than the current girl or what but they're totally different personality and appearance wise. I walk around with a frown now im usually a happy guy its pissin me off. I started back smoking I stopped that crap years ago yes marijuana just to get this empty feeling out my stomach.

 

Me and my ex was a on again off again rship some of you know about her i posted it before and my bestfriend and parents said I made the right decision for letting her go. My sibling is friends with her she would tell me "lol let it go. You don't want those problems" and i know I did i should feel relief but i feel like im not "here" after accepting it was over a week after i tried to kinda work it out trying to ask her "is it really over forever this time" since we been on and off so many times she says "idk feels like this on and off is tearing us apart and im over it and I love you past death" we had many breakup closures so i never know really how she feels. I dont mean to sound depressed because i dont think i am im eating fine but things just starting to feel weird like im a different person. I know she is seeing other guys which doesnt hurt me but she use to tell me she needed me that i was her fav person. I was loyal tried my best with everything but her attitude and views on how rship should go just didnt seem right. She even got mad because i said no to paying her bill and moving in with me. she swung at me before when i tried to kick her out my place. Her family loved me im the best bf she had she been with MULTIPLE guys i mean alot and i stuck around the longest said i was different.

 

I been in a 4 yr rship before her so idk why this is buggin me so damn much it was only a year and some change i think it has to do with me having a crush on her for so long..but multiple people told me to stay away for alot of reasons hell even my ex gf of 4 yrs told me she was shocked that i dated her and expected more from me. So im confused with my emotions right now..shes a very sexual girl so i know shes having sex that bothers me a lil but my mind is everywhere im mad one sec then the next sec i know if i saw her number pop up on my phone i will respond. If you want more info on the breakup just read my old post...idk if i should txt her or what not for closure because i think we already did that but just to txt...thanks for reading.

[reinventmyself]

I think you should take a break from dating and heal from your relationship.

I hope this new girl doesn't have real feelings for you that you aren't ready to reciprocate.

Texting her for closure isn't the answer. Closure comes from within, with time and space and reflection.

[gebaird]

This confusion is normal when you don't make a clean break, especially when there is someone new involved. I feel kinda bad for your new girl. Don't you think she deserves to be loved, kissed, cuddled, and adored by you? Yet you can't even keep your mind on her when you are intimate (much less at other times). I admire your honesty, but I don't think this will end well.

 

I agree with reinvent -- try being single for a while and start dating again when you've healed and are able to fully commit to someone.

[moodindigo91]

Agreed. It's definitely too soon for you to be in any kind of relationship with someone else. In fact, being with someone else might be the thing that is making you miss your ex. She's a stand-in almost. A rebound, if you will. Let your rebound go, be single for a while and focus on yourself. You'll be fine.

[greta96]

I didn't read the whole post, just the title, and I will say this: missing ex = stay single, until 1. you no longer miss ex or 2. you get back together with ex

Involving an innocent party is just cruel, because she stands to get hurt. Nobody likes being a rebound, or a filler.

[keepItReal223]

Well she not technically my gf we're just dating and hanging out she think im the best thing ever but i dont feel that way of myself ya know? So im not in a rship we're just kickin it really i kno its not good to jump into a new rship fast.

[moodindigo91]

Quit kickin' it with her then, you are just leading her on. Kick it with your buddies instead. It'll be better for you both.

[keepItReal223]

I hear you guys. I mean i was told the best way to get over someone was to get under someone new but i guess thats wrong. I feel like it will increase my feeling to want to reach out to my ex more if i dont have that specific distraction. Well thats what i thought but i guess i just need to be alone.

[moodindigo91]

I hear you guys. I mean i was told the best way to get over someone was to get under someone new but i guess thats wrong. I feel like it will increase my feeling to want to reach out to my ex more if i dont have that specific distraction. Well thats what i thought but i guess i just need to be alone.

 

HAHA, who gave you that advice? A frat boy? Worst advice ever. That would just put you in a cycle of situationships, which generally suck (and which, by the way, you are in danger of putting yourself in with this new girl).

 

It's true that a specific distraction will help to decrease your urge to contact your ex, and even decrease your thoughts about her. But usually those distractions are things like hobbies, spending more time with friends, going to the gym, taking a new class, whatever. Not sleeping with someone else.

[jujusamples]

Well she not technically my gf we're just dating and hanging out she think im the best thing ever but i dont feel that way of myself ya know? So im not in a rship we're just kickin it really i kno its not good to jump into a new rship fast.

 

I say you take a break from dating until you get over your EX! Not fair to put other's in a rebound relationship and leading them on. This comment just rubs me the wrong way! You took off your pants and had sex with her! But, you are just kickin it and not in a relationship? Really? The fact that you are bragging about how much she likes you, you are pretty much implying that you are just playing around. It's not cool dude, seriously! Grow up!

[keepItReal223]

I say you take a break from dating until you get over your EX! Not fair to put other's in a rebound relationship and leading them on. This comment just rubs me the wrong way! You took off your pants and had sex with her! But, you are just kickin it and not in a relationship? Really? The fact that you are bragging about how much she likes you, you are pretty much implying that you are just playing around. It's not cool dude, seriously! Grow up!

 

Im not playing with her at all. I like her she is a good girl and the only girl im seeing if i was playing i would be seeing multiple women. I thought i just needed to get use to her more then things would be ok. Its new like anything else. But its not ok and i see that now..it has nothing to do with me being cruel or playing and im not "bragging" im giving real info on whats going on.

[Wiseman2]

Isn't this ex from a year ago? That is plenty of time to move on and date others. It's not bad that you are dating someone it's a shame you can't enjoy it because this ex is in your head-space too much. So you're the one who is losing out most.

I hear you guys. I mean i was told the best way to get over someone was to get under someone new but i guess thats wrong. I feel like it will increase my feeling to want to reach out to my ex more if i dont have that specific distraction. Well thats what i thought but i guess i just need to be alone.

same girls/situations?

[keepItReal223]

HAHA, who gave you that advice? A frat boy? Worst advice ever. That would just put you in a cycle of situationships, which generally suck (and which, by the way, you are in danger of putting yourself in with this new girl).

 

It's true that a specific distraction will help to decrease your urge to contact your ex, and even decrease your thoughts about her. But usually those distractions are things like hobbies, spending more time with friends, going to the gym, taking a new class, whatever. Not sleeping with someone else.

 

You give great advice and yes i love the gym but haven't had the motivation and energy to get in there like i use to not tryna start another sob story but its the truth. Mentally im not here even at work i have a great job my own office on my 2nd computer screen i catch myself on THIS WEBSITE reading everyones situation getting advice trying to compare what they're going thru to what im going thru then before u kno it 2 hrs past by im still on E. I just been second guessing myself lately. this is all i been thinking about but i felt relief when we were finally done i don't get why all this crap is happening now when i knew deep down inside when i was with her i knew it needed to end eventually.

[keepItReal223]

Isn't this ex from a year ago? That is plenty of time to move on and date others. It's not bad that you are dating someone it's a shame you can't enjoy it because this ex is in your head-space too much. So you're the one who is losing out most. same girls/situations?

 

Yea same girl...we broke up last year BUT this whole time this year we been seeing each other like we are back together spending time with her family and all seeing her everyday so it was like we were back together we just never said we were not until july-aug i stopped seeing her everyday.

[jujusamples]

Im not playing with her at all. I like her she is a good girl and the only girl im seeing if i was playing i would be seeing multiple women. I thought i just needed to get use to her more then things would be ok. Its new like anything else. But its not ok and i see that now..it has nothing to do with me being cruel or playing and im not "bragging" im giving real info on whats going on.

 

I understand that you are trying to take things slow, but you HAVE to realize, she might not be on the same page as you. As a female, I know we tend to be more attached emotionally after sex. I'm afraid if she likes you a lot but you are not at that level, her feelings are going to be destroyed. It's pretty obvious, that if you are still missing your ex, you are probably not over her yet. Everyone is different and takes different amounts to time to get over a relationship. Perhaps, you had a really deep relationship with your ex? I know this sounds cheesy but maybe some soul searching on your end?

[jujusamples]

You give great advice and yes i love the gym but haven't had the motivation and energy to get in there like i use to not tryna start another sob story but its the truth. Mentally im not here even at work i have a great job my own office on my 2nd computer screen i catch myself on THIS WEBSITE reading everyones situation getting advice trying to compare what they're going thru to what im going thru then before u kno it 2 hrs past by im still on E. I just been second guessing myself lately. this is all i been thinking about but i felt relief when we were finally done i don't get why all this crap is happening now when i knew deep down inside when i was with her i knew it needed to end eventually.

 

The reason you are feeling this terrible is because; initially a lost of a love one or a breakup (same emotions will surface) you need time to heal. (no contact) to officially get over the relationship. Any form of contact after a breakup, will really set you back, if you are not fully healed yet. So by you and your ex in constant contact for about a year after the initial breakup, (may feel good at the time) you are just masking your wound. At the same time, you are poking and stabbing your heart without realizing it. So after a year of that, you could easily feel a lot of pain once when it's officially over.

 

Now you will have to face the pain that you should have gone through during the initial breakup from a year ago. It's starting to slowly creep up on you. Not only are going to go through that pain, it will also be worsen, due to the constant contact for about a year. I'm speaking from experience, there was this ex, (he was a rebound) Same thing after we broke up, in constant contact and when it was over for real, you won't believe the pain I went through. I didn't know why until I got some counseling. Not only am I feeling pain from my 5 year relationship but I'm feeling pain from the rebound! You have fully let your emotions process and it will pass if you let process organically.

 

In regards to rebound, that is why my last comment was so harsh to you, I know how it feels like. From both sides. You will also be really really hurt if this rebound relationship doesn't get dealt with probably. Maybe some counselling or read some self healing books. That helped me get over breakups.

[keepItReal223]

I understand that you are trying to take things slow, but you HAVE to realize, she might not be on the same page as you. As a female, I know we tend to be more attached emotionally after sex. I'm afraid if she likes you a lot but you are not at that level, her feelings are going to be destroyed. It's pretty obvious, that if you are still missing your ex, you are probably not over her yet. Everyone is different and takes different amounts to time to get over a relationship. Perhaps, you had a really deep relationship with your ex? I know this sounds cheesy but maybe some soul searching on your end?

 

I did have a deep connection with her she told me everything i told her everything she even seen me CRY, you dont know me but thats one thing that never happens i havent even cried about this situation. She cried twice during sex because she felt our souls were touching (her words lol) Thing is, we both found each other when we both did things the RIGHT way. For example we both wasn't seeing anyone we didn't have somebody just to fill a void we were just living our life having time to ourself friends and family and it just happened. No baggage. So we both thought it was meant. But its not so whatever i guess.

[keepItReal223]

The reason you are feeling this terrible is because; initially a lost of a love one or a breakup (same emotions will surface) you need time to heal. (no contact) to officially get over the relationship. Any form of contact after a breakup, will really set you back, if you are not fully healed yet. So by you and your ex in constant contact for about a year after the initial breakup, (may feel good at the time) you are just masking your wound. At the same time, you are poking and stabbing your heart without realizing it. So after a year of that, you could easily feel a lot of pain once when it's officially over.

 

Now you will have to face the pain that you should have gone through during the initial breakup from a year ago. It's starting to slowly creep up on you. Not only are going to go through that pain, it will also be worsen, due to the constant contact for about a year. I'm speaking from experience, there was this ex, (he was a rebound) Same thing after we broke up, in constant contact and when it was over for real, you won't believe the pain I went through. I didn't know why until I got some counseling. Not only am I feeling pain from my 5 year relationship but I'm feeling pain from the rebound! You have fully let your emotions process and it will pass if you let process organically.

 

In regards to rebound, that is why my last comment was so harsh to you, I know how it feels like. From both sides. You will also be really really hurt if this rebound relationship doesn't get dealt with probably. Maybe some counselling or read some self healing books. That helped me get over breakups.

 

Its cool to be harsh i understand. Why did it hurt so bad if it was a rebound? I thought rebounds are not that serious?

[jujusamples]

Its cool to be harsh i understand. Why did it hurt so bad if it was a rebound? I thought rebounds are not that serious?

 

That's a good question and why I went to see counselling. I knew I didn't like the rebound to the point of feeling deep pain after the breakup. The rebound relationship wasn't what was most of my pain. It was the 5 year relationship prior to the rebound that hurt me the most. I never got to get over that relationship and dated someone else to mask the pain. So when the tape was ripped off, I had to process the pain and get over the long term relationship and also the rebound. I did have feelings for the rebound, but just not as strong. Just like what you are going through. Believe me, you don't want to feel that pain. It feels like death and the end of the world.

 

After that being said, I did let it process with the help of a counselor and got over all the emotions that surface. Any feeling will pass, you just have to let it pass the right way. You will feel so good once you get over it fully. Then, is a good time to start dating again.

[Wiseman2]

Maybe this is why you can't get your mind off the ex? The great sex? That and continually seeing each other in some on/off thing? You didn't want to marry her/settle down so now you have your freedom to have sex anywhere just as you wished for.

Im just remembering a ex in the past that gave me hell. It was always hot and cold i never knew what to expect and of course the sex was great.

[keepItReal223]

That's a good question and why I went to see counselling. I knew I didn't like the rebound to the point of feeling deep pain after the breakup. The rebound relationship wasn't what was most of my pain. It was the 5 year relationship prior to the rebound that hurt me the most. I never got to get over that relationship and dated someone else to mask the pain. So when the tape was ripped off, I had to process the pain and get over the long term relationship and also the rebound. I did have feelings for the rebound, but just not as strong. Just like what you are going through. Believe me, you don't want to feel that pain. It feels like death and the end of the world.

 

After that being said, I did let it process with the help of a counselor and got over all the emotions that surface. Any feeling will pass, you just have to let it pass the right way. You will feel so good once you get over it fully. Then, is a good time to start dating again.

 

Makes sense. Hopefully i wake up one day and feel like myself thanks for the advice.

[keepItReal223]

Maybe this is why you can't get your mind off the ex? The great sex? That and continually seeing each other in some on/off thing? You didn't want to marry her/settle down so now you have your freedom to have sex anywhere just as you wished for.

 

I think the on and off became a drug to me and maybe her too so now that im off that drug and in my heart i know I need to stay away its kind of effecting me...

[jujusamples]

Makes sense. Hopefully i wake up one day and feel like myself thanks for the advice.

 

You will, it will be hard but you will get over it. You just have to focus on your friends, family and interests right now. Occupy your time as much as possible. I remember taking an intense Kickboxing class. I feel so good after it. LOL Then I signed up for some random classes, cooking, event planning,photography, just whatever interest you. Going to the gym, make plans with friends. You get the gist of it. I do allow myself certain time of the day to think about the ex, it's the only way to process it. It was a certain time everyday, to every other day, to every week, to every month.... then it's just a distance memory, I no longer find myself thinking about it anymore

[Wiseman2]

Bingo! that's why this new girl sex is blah..Not enough crazy drama, right?

I think the on and off became a drug to me and maybe her too so now that im off that drug and in my heart i know I need to stay away its kind of effecting me...

[keepItReal223]

Bingo! that's why this new girl sex is blah..Not enough crazy drama, right?

 

Damn...something is wrong with me...