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Boyfriend wants to break up but still live in the same house


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My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 and a half years. We've had a bumpy road, but we've stuck through it all. Until yesterday, when I asked him if he was talking to anyone about his emotional problems because I know he won't see a counsellor and his anger is affecting the relationship. He told me it was none of my business. I looked at him bewildered and said that I'm his girlfriend and care about him, so I would like to know because I'm concerned about him bottling up his feelings. He said we should just be friends instead. I got upset. He said he'd stay here (it's my house) and that we could become really good friends instead of being lovers. He said he wasn't in love with me anymore and wouldn't ever have sex with me again. He wouldn't tell me if he is or isn't attracted to me though. If I didn't want to be friends with him, then he would move out, he said. His reason for wanting this is not because of me, but because of him. He has depression and I've just realised he has avoidant attachment. I honestly thought we would get through this.

I'm feeling so numb. I haven't let it sink in because I really can't deal with the emotions that take over my body in this situation. I'm trying not to blame myself but it's hard. Why would he wasn't too continue living with me if he wants to break up? He's not getting any benefit from it and he pays much less at his mum's, where he'll be going back to if he leaves. He has no problem living at his mum's place either. It just doesn't make sense to me. Please help. I don't want to break up.

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Nope nope nope. Do not let him live in your house as a friend. There is no such thing as friendship after romance; anyone who says otherwise is deep in the grips of self-deception.


Perhaps he felt pushed to break up with you because he doesn't want to face his issues. Attachment problems are systemic -- they form when we are young and require a lot of effort to overcome. If he's unwilling to seek therapy or to even talk with you about this, there is very little you can do to fix the situation.


Bottom line: he's in or he's out. Do not attempt to salvage a friendship out of this. You'll just end up resenting each other.

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Sorry but this is a retarded request. Either he is a live-in bf and you are in a relationship, or he moves out. Why allow him to blockade you from finding love by having this dead meat hanging around your house?

He said he'd stay here (it's my house). He said he wasn't in love with me anymore and wouldn't ever have sex with me again.
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Yes if he wants it to be over he has to go. He has a place to go so that's not a problem.


I used to live in my friends house in his apartment. I moved in with my gf at the time. This girl took over my place. She met a guy he moved in. They broke up he never left. She moved on started dating this new guy. Well it took the guy a year to leave he got out last month. I never understood it. She also payed rent for them both.

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I can't with this guy! He wants to dump you and tells you that he's going to stay living in your house? He just planned this all out for you without your say? If he has no problem living at his mom's house, then kick his a$$ to the curb and let him go live with mommy.


You said the relationship has been rocky from the start, he's giving you an easy out. Take it. You can have a relationship that isn't rocky at all with someone else who doesn't have anger problems. Imagine how nice that will be!


This guy is a joke. Friendships happen after break ups only if there is sufficient time and space to heal. He will live in your house and make you absolutely miserable, you will have no space to get over him, heal or move on and worst of all, you will not be friends! You'd actually probably end up hating each other. Don't waste your time on him anymore, he's just proven that he isn't worth it.

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Did you ask him to keep staying there or did he just throw it out there?


The post is too vague to take anyone's "side" as far as the relationship itself was, but you're certainly under no obligation and for your own mental wellbeing should not continue having him around the house. I'm sure there are tangible even if not financial benefits to him staying there rather than his mother's. Don't dwell on it. Just let him know you'd like him out.

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He suggested it.

I'm 100% honest when I say there are absolutely no benefits for him in staying here. He would have a much easier life, so to speak, if he went back to his mum's house.


I tried not to go on for too long in this post, hence why it's vague. I can answer any questions you have, though.

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It may seem lame to you, but we have the same interests. In this town, a majority of guys like sports. I hate it. Can't stand it one bit. I like dancing, to watch and participate in, and the arts, so does he. We went to a ballet a few years ago and he willingly went with me because he enjoys watching it. He's even suggested seeing another one earlier this year. The other thing, is that we both have a crazy sense of humour. I don't feel comfortable being myself around many other guys because they don't understand it.

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Ok that's great. Then have him move back to his mums and go to the ballet together as friends. If he wants friendzone, give him a nice big dose of that.


But don't let him just take up space. He told you he doesn't want a relationship. He probably has someone else lined up anyway if he's the one saying 'no sex'.

We went to a ballet a few years ago and he willingly went with me because he enjoys watching it. He's even suggested seeing another one earlier this year.
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I know that these attachment styles develop during childhood. I read all about it 2 days ago , and was going to talk about it with him yesterday but never got the chance. I feel that somehow he's making himself break up with new because of his inability to get over his issues, hence why he said 'its not you, it's me.' I know that can be used as an excuse, but I honestly believe it really has nothing to do with me. I don't even know if he's just saying that he doesn't love me to just push me away.

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"he won't see a counsellor and his anger is affecting the relationship. He told me it was none of my business."


How nice! I won't ask why he won't see a therapist. But he evidently doesn't want to help himself. You are not a/his therapist, and it isn't your job.


As Gary put it: "not a catch".


Btw. Who diagnosed your depression?

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Ok everyone has some medical problems or some emotional issues or whatever. However don't turn your home into a psych ward. You talk to your therapist, he talks to his.


But you are ignoring that he flat out stated he doesn't love you, isn't attracted to you and offered to move out. It seems you prefer to focus on shared emotional illness rather than the relationship. It sounds like you are so afraid to live alone or need his financial support that you will ignore this statement and just live as roommates in a pseudo mental hospital?

I was diagnosed by a psychiatric after I had extreme thoughts of committing suicide after a tragic event. I know I'm not his therapist. He said that he's talking to his mum about how he feels about his childhood issues.
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