S.O.S. ex contacted me after 6 months of break-up

[AxelV]

Hello eveyone!!!

my history is in the thread below

 

we have been in contact 2 times since break up, first one was me trying to get back with by showing her how much i changed, theres no need to tell you it didnt work as she didnt care if i changed or not.

aside from that time the last contact in june wich was only a minor exchange with her, I didnt try to go after her and was something rearding her niece (wich i love dearly as she was like a daughter to me, we enjoyed playing games and drawing and also i always helped her with homework and some other more personal problems).

 

WELL, today a few minutes ago i recived a whats app from her, I deleted her on face book and deleted her from my phone I just didnt expected her to contact me.

 

she only wrote "how have you been?" i havent answered, I will need you advice and guideance.

 

I will only answer with a "fine" and leave it as that.

 

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK??????

[Wiseman2]

Do you think she's throwing you some breadcrumbs or just broke up with someone?

WELL, today a few minutes ago i recived a whats app from her, she only wrote "how have you been?" i havent answered, I will only answer with a "fine" and leave it as that.

[lostlove76]

I haven't read your previous threads, but I don't think there's any point in answering just "fine." That's pointless and comes across as passive-aggressive.

[melangey]

Hello eveyone!!!

my history is in the thread below

 

we have been in contact 2 times since break up, first one was me trying to get back with by showing her how much i changed, theres no need to tell you it didnt work as she didnt care if i changed or not.

aside from that time the last contact in june wich was only a minor exchange with her, I didnt try to go after her and was something rearding her niece (wich i love dearly as she was like a daughter to me, we enjoyed playing games and drawing and also i always helped her with homework and some other more personal problems).

 

WELL, today a few minutes ago i recived a whats app from her, I deleted her on face book and deleted her from my phone I just didnt expected her to contact me.

 

she only wrote "how have you been?" i havent answered, I will need you advice and guideance.

 

I will only answer with a "fine" and leave it as that.

 

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK??????

 

From your last post... she sounds a little bi-polar (and unmedicated). I mean, bi-polar people need love, too, but wth. She's over the top. Have you not tried to get out there? Maybe date someone else first? Even a rebound (which I normally don't condone) would be better than going back to someone you currently love (possibly unrequitedly).

 

I feel like if she wanted you back that bad, she'd say more than how have you been?

 

Also, sometimes I genuinely think about my exes, and wonder how their lives are going, but I by no means want to get back with them. LOL. The opposite! Sometimes, it's because I want to know they're not pining over me and I didn't ruin their lives. I think people can also wonder what's going on in an ex's life, because they want to know they're "winning" the game of life, after the break up. I sure did like hearing that my cheating ex had gotten fat and gross!

[Enn]

It's breadcrumbs. Don't reply. Having gone through this several times, I wouldn't go near 'how are you?' Or even 'I miss you' (which is a killer for many). If someone wants you and is worth it, they will make it quite clear that they want to be with you. And EVEN THEN it might not mean anything...my most recent ex was begging and pleading over several emails ('my life is empty and meaningless without you in it...I promise I will make it up to you if you give me another chance')...but when I replied and told him a few home truths, he suddenly decided he 'needed some space' YET AGAIN. Honestly...don't we all deserve someone who actually wants to be with us to the point where they aren't 'confused'(/manipulative)?! I certainly don't want to go out with a walking cliche again!

[milly007]

I haven't read your previous threads, but I don't think there's any point in answering just "fine." That's pointless and comes across as passive-aggressive.

 

I agree with lostlove. In my opinion, if you are going to reply, be open and engage. Exes don't normally reach out unless they're looking to reconnect. If you don't want to reconnect, don't reply. But responding by saying only "fine" is definitely pointless.

[melangey]

It's breadcrumbs. Don't reply. Having gone through this several times, I wouldn't go near 'how are you?' Or even 'I miss you' (which is a killer for many). If someone wants you and is worth it, they will make it quite clear that they want to be with you. And EVEN THEN it might not mean anything...my most recent ex was begging and pleading over several emails ('my life is empty and meaningless without you in it...I promise I will make it up to you if you give me another chance')...but when I replied and told him a few home truths, he suddenly decided he 'needed some space' YET AGAIN. Honestly...don't we all deserve someone who actually wants to be with us to the point where they aren't 'confused'(/manipulative)?! I certainly don't want to go out with a walking cliche again!

 

When the going gets tough, the weak people "need some space."

[Enn]

When the going gets tough, the weak people "need some space."

 

Haha NEED SOME SPACE is code for...?!!! But along same lines, OP's 'How have you been?' is code for...?

 

My friends and I laugh about things we've been sent by crap blokes. The classic non-committal text is is 'Hey!'

 

But right up there are 'How's tricks?' and 'Alright Corky?' (?!!!!) And 'I still haven't eaten those teacakes!' It's like they'll say anything to get attention. 'My legs are on fire!' 'I've got a highly-contagious STD!' (OK I made the last two up).

[boltnrun]

It's not always true that exes reach out if they're looking to reconnect.

 

I've had a nasty habit of texting exes when I'm bored or lonely or had a few drinks. I've even reached out when I was at a bar by myself and everyone else had someone to talk to, so I texted my ex so it wouldn't look like I was a friendless loser. But it's never been because I wanted to reconnect. And for the record, none of my exes really wanted to get back together or were pining over me, so I wasn't worried about hurting them. I've now stopped doing that because I realized how dumb it was of me to do.

 

I'm wondering if she was bored or lonely and wanted someone to talk to. If you are prepared for the communication to come to another abrupt stop, and it won't hurt you if you respond and she doesn't, then go ahead and tell her you are doing well. Otherwise, I'd ignore.

[Vastaux]

I think you should ignore. If she really wants contact she'll follow it up at some points, if she doesn't then you know there was no meaning to it anyway.

[kjo2016]

It's easy if you want to engage in a dialogue, then reply in a positive mature manner "I"m fine thanks, hope you are ok too?" or ignore her completely, or if you don't want her to contact you again at all just say "jog on love"!

[melangey]

Tell her you won the lottery and she can't afford you.

[AxelV]

thanks for all the replies!!! i went with answering a that i was fine and that i was going to my job, she just told me she doesnt want to distract me from my job, and I just asked if she wanted to tell me something, she just answered that later.

As Im tired of going in circles with her I just sent her a message this morning and will set things straight with her, its either she wants back or i go my way. I will obviously not tell her things this way.

I will just ask her what she wants and if its not "i want to try again" then ill just agree with whatever she says and promptly keep on going with no contact.

 

as for dating someone else I tried, but its really hard for me to find someone that is interested in me.

 

THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT

[AxelV]

i just finished speaking with her on the phone, and...

Do you think she's throwing you some breadcrumbs or just broke up with someone?

yeah it tasted like breadcrumbs, she wanted to catch up

 

and the thing she wanted to tell me?

 

well It seems that she still goes into my fb profile, i like to write a lot of cheesy pseduo-poetry, and some days ago i posted something along the lines of burning every gift, every memento of past relationships... she told me that if im going to burn down the stuff she gave me, if i could gave the things back to her instead of making a little camp fire with them

and

why does she care what i do with the gifts she gave me???

anyways i told her that stuff is mine without being rude.

 

and told her I want the record set staight, no more "i'll call you", no more "i dont know if i want to get back together". she promptly asked if we can meet face to face

 

I will be meeting with her tomorrow... and hopefully this will be the last chapter so it will be get back or get lost

 

I haven't read your previous threads, but I don't think there's any point in answering just "fine." That's pointless and comes across as passive-aggressive.

 

and thats not the way that i am, im really open about my feelings and thats why i took the decision to close this chapter for good.

 

It's breadcrumbs.

 

yeah it seems so, but tomorrow all will be set.

 

Tell her you won the lottery and she can't afford you.

 

that one is pure gold.

 

 

the most positive thing about this situation is that im not shaking with anxiety, and i dont feel sad about not getting back with her, and that she is not my happiness, as cheesy as it sounds, im the only responsible for being happy or not

If she wants to walk with me again I will be glad to share my victories and sorrows

If she wants to go her own way, well I will keep walking mine.

[nihongo]

Let us know how it goes.

[Wiseman2]

Block her from your fb. When you pour fuel on this friendzone fire it will burn brightly.

she told me that if im going to burn down the stuff she gave me, if i could gave the things back to her

I will be meeting with her tomorrow.

[AxelV]

Let us know how it goes.

I will

 

Block her from your fb. When you pour fuel on this friendzone fire it will burn brightly.

 

I wont enter the friendzone, even if it sounds selfish, I want her to be my SO and not just to be friends.

the only ex's Im friends with is because several years passed and I no longer have feelings for those ex's

[AxelV]

Im back!!

 

Well let me tell you that I'm still kind of in the same spot as before...

she si still unsure about getting back together, we spend a lot of the time talking about other things.

but from the start she was behaving different than last time we saw each other, last time she was more defensive, arms crossed, she kept her distance all the time, the hello a goodbye kiss was like really forced, she stated i made her nervous, and didn't engage in much talk, and her resolution that time was that she needed to be alone.

this time she was a lot more open... from the begining, the hello kiss felt authentic, even if she sat across of me she leaned a lot towards me, she blushed like bright red when i stared at her, laughed at all my jokes (even the terrible ones), then we went for a walk and it was raining so we were really close under the umbrella, it took me by surprise when she took me by the arm as we used to. At some point we started holding hands and interlocked our fingers as we used to.

we only spoke about the relationship by the end of the night. this time she didn't told me she wants to be alone... this time she told me she just needs some more time to fix her life and think about us, as it was already late, she told me that we can discuss this things further if we meet again, if i wanted to see her again.

thats when i went all in and told her that if we are going to meet again i have no problem but that I have no intentions on being just friends, she accepted and told me that she just needed time, and then she made a pinky promise to me that she will think about us and will tell me how this ends and that she was really happy that i was giving her space instead of being clingy.

and when we said goodbye she did something that surprised me... we hugged and before breaking the hug she stared at my eyes the way she used to whenever she told me "i love you", we spent a couple minutes looking into each other eyes.

 

GUYS!!! please tell me that im not reading too much into the non verbal cues, words and actions with her...I dont want to cling to any kind of hope, but i really felt things were different this time.

 

anyways a positive aspect about this is that even if she gave me some kind of hope, I no longer feel that she NEEDS to be in my life in order for me to be happy, it would be great is she chooses to do so, but if she doesnt... well life goes on.

 

thank you for reading me and sorry about the long post.

[reinventmyself]

Well . . .It sounds like a genuine moment and I can understand why you are hopeful.

I don't have any other advise other carry on as you have.

Is there a time limit of sorts on this time out? On your end or hers?

[AxelV]

Is there a time limit of sorts on this time out? On your end or hers?

 

not clear on her side, on my side it will be at most 3 months, if i have no clear answer after that I will rule out any possibilities.

I will not be sitting just until she decides to come back, if in this couple months I meet someone else then that would be all for my ex.

also she has been texting me today wich actually surprised me

[JonnyD79]

Never say about having the relationship back.

Any relationship going forward needs to be a new one. You have to build a new relationship with her if that's what you both want.

[AxelV]

Never say about having the relationship back.

Any relationship going forward needs to be a new one. You have to build a new relationship with her if that's what you both want.

 

that hit me so close...

because in this six months that have passed i have changed a lot, so if we started a new relationship, it will be completely different as i no longer will devote and center myself around her or the relationship.

 

Thanks for your words.