I am going crazy and overthinking over this girl - what do I do?

[emmawoolford]

I know this is literally an essay but I really would appreciate it if you could read it and help me out on this one - my anxiety levels are so high about this situation - its all I can think about - I just really need some advice!! Thank you.

 

So I am a 17 year old bisexual girl. She is an 18 nearly 19 year old bisexual girl. We both met on tinder and we live about an 40 minute train ride from each other.

 

We have been 'speaking' (texting) since the 5th of June. However, at the start I wasn't so into her - I don't think I was massively attracted to her from the pictures I had seen. But I thought she was really nice and cute and I continued to chat to her. She wanted to meet me before she went inter-railing for 3 weeks but I wasn't that bothered so we didn't. We did FaceTime twice before she went away and the second time we face-timed she called.

 

She texted me throughout inter-railing when she had connection. I then went to visit her when she came back and she actually chose to meet and chill with me rather then go to this music festival for a weekend. She said she was tired from inter-railing but I do think she did it because she wanted to meet me. Her parents had gone to the festival and therefore she had a free house (her parents know she is bisexual but for some reason she feels uncomfortable if they know that a girl she has brought over is not JUST a friend).

 

We had a few drinks and ended up having sex. The next day we chilled in a park and before I was about to leave she was trying to figure out what I usually do after I meet a girl. She was hinting at wanting to see me again. So I said she could come to my place and meet my parents (it was sort of a light joke due to her being scared about me with her parents) and she said she'd like that. We also discussed how she doesn't trust me really and finds me hard to read - she also expressed how she was paranoid I don't like her or fancy her etc. I did not give any clues away that I liked her but I did.

 

She then came to Leeds and met my mum and we had fun and had sex again. When we first started speaking she mentioned how she was going to this festival called 'boomtown' and said I should come. Throughout the weeks of us speaking she mentioned it several times again and said I should come - she even tagged me in this video of it (I guess to try and get me to come). However, once we met she didn't really mention it. So I asked her a week before the festival (whilst she was at my house for the first time and second time meeting) why she hadn't really mentioned it since meeting. She replied saying she does really want me to come she is just worried I will feel awkward around her friends or I will see her looking discussing whilst she's on drugs or just that typical dirty festival look. But she wanted me to make the decision (she has a weird thing about me making all the decisions for her). So I said I was going.

 

So we ended up going to boomtown together and with her friends - I went to her house before hand and slept there - I met her dad and sister but her dad assumed I was her friend, the sister knew we were not just friends. We also had sex even though I really needed to sleep as I was only going to have about 4 hours sleep as the coach was very early. So we spent 5 nights and 4 days together and we didndid'ntt get annoyed at each other one bit. However, she was very sad throughout the festival and it was partly to do with her comedowns from drugs and also these pills she was taking to stop her period. But I felt it was my fault because I was there she couldn't hang out with her mates as much as she would have wanted to. So one day when she was really sad and not really dancing or joining in with her friends - I suggested she should try and join in but she felt like she couldn't so I said that I would go back to the tent because I feel I'm getting in the way. She got really panicky when I said this and said I should stay but she wasn't really trying hard enough so I left. An hour later she came back to the tent with one friend and it was obvious she had been crying. She told me after I left she left and sat on a hill by herself and had a breakdown because she felt really left out and distant to her best friend. She told me how since inter railing her and her best friends relationship has not been the same since and its really putting her down. I gave her advice and then she also asked me what was wrong (because I was feeling a little ) and she didnt like the fact I was being distant and not cuddling her or whatever. After about 20 mins I had a heart to heart with her and ended up crying a little bit because I guess I was tired - I kinda did a word vomit and went on about how I don't feel confident in myself etc etc. She gave me advice. We then kissed and she told me she was so happy I did that because she was really worried.

 

Throughout the festival we cuddled and had sex and when I was drunk I kept kissing her in public. One time when we were walking back to the tent she grabbed and held my hand (but she was on MD).

 

However, after the festival she wasn't giving me much attention. She wasn't really texting me and she was just very very sad. I was always starting text conversations (even if that meant double texting her). It really got to me and I was going crazy overthinking everything. I felt really vulnerable. However, it was a very busy week for her she had a house party then got her results to see what uni she is going 2. She ended up getting into her first choice which is down south from me and is about a 5 hour train quite expensive train ride from me. She then went out to celebrate and went out friday and saturday night also. I just felt so on edge. I ended up expressing to her how I felt on the Friday and she said she felt like what I was saying was unfair because she felt like she had been normal with me. I then did a word vomit again and expressed how I liked her. I asked how she felt about me - she replied saying she likes spending time with me she just hates overanalysing things because thats when things go weird. She also told me how she doesn't want to be tied down before uni she kind of just wants to have a fresh start and see what happens.. Even though I do want a relationship (maybe not yet though - its a little 2 soon) I just said yeah lets just focus on having a good time and see what happens. We also arranged to meet again on the Monday.

 

She then put a little more effort into the texting after we had that phone call. When it came to sunday I asked about seeing her the next day and she told me she forgot she had a driving lesson so wouldn't be able to see me. She was making lots of excuses on why she couldn't see me etc. I said I do want to see you this week (as she is going on holiday the week after for 2 weeks then going to uni a week after she comes back). She told me she really wanted to see me also. I suggested for her to come over to mine after her driving lesson. She said she would think about it and tell me in the morning. She never texted me in the morning - she texted me about 10 mins before her driving lesson (which was 4pm) and said she had only just woken up.. she didn't mention meeting me. I then asked her about meeting and she at first seemed like she was going to come but then changed her mind and said her dad was letting her out of the house because she had been going out 2 much. I was sad.

 

I ignored her for a bit and then called her like nothing had happened. I was trying to get the spark back into the 'thing' we have going because I felt like she was loosing interest. At first she seemed very sad and moody - I asked about seeing her again and she just didnt seem very 100%. Then I spoke to her more about deep things and just things about us in general and then flirted and was a bit sexual with her. I then asked about meeting her again and she ended up saying she would come wednesday after her Ikea shop for university. We also discussed how she had spoke to her friend annie about how she feels bad about the way she has been acting weird with me and annie suggested maybe it was because she was sad at boomtown and because I was there shes kinda just merged the bad feelings with me - but then said she feels once she meets me it will feel normal again.

 

She ended up meeting me on wednesday and spent £20 to come and see me (which was her last bit of money before going into overdraft). We were in bed watching a movie and she made the first move to cuddle. She was falling asleep whilst watching the film but we ended up having sex. She then left the next day and when she left we gave each other a peck.

 

It then comes to the present moment. Since seeing me she still hasn't made the effort to text me first or ring me or whatever. In fact she has ignored my last text but it wasn't a text she needed to reply to but surely if she liked me she would want to keep the conversation going... I mean when she does text me she isn't blunt she does make effort with the texting. She just never starts the conversation - she use to double text me if I hadn't replied for about 2 hours - now she just doesn't text me first at all.

 

She went to gay pride yesterday and Im at a festival this weekend. I just feel so on edge because I know she probably hooked up or kissed someone at gay pride yesterday because thats what happens. It just makes me sad because on top of that shes not even making the effort to text me. She has not texted me today and she didnt text me yesterday and I just don't know what to do.

 

Its just so odd because when we are with each other we act as if we are more then just friends with benefits... we kiss and cuddle and hold hands and talk about deep things.. but then shes not putting effort into communication with me. I want to talk about the effort thing but I'm scared shes going to think I'm expecting to much and just be like 'lets just call this quits'. But i really need to do something asap about this situation because its really bringing me down I have anxiety over it and Im overthinking everything!!

 

I want to say in advance I appreciate all the advice I will be given - I understand I have literally written an essay - I appreciate you for even reading it all haha!

[Wiseman2]

Since it's important to you, discuss becoming exclusive.

Its just so odd because when we are with each other we act as if we are more then just friends with benefits.