Broken up over some guy, but want to get back together again.

[KyleJack123]

Hello there, Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6+ months now. We have recently broken up due to myself not being able to cope with a certain individual who she works with, and who is also one of her closest friends however they have a ‘past’ together. We’ve had on and off arguments about this person with set things that’s been happening, like this person messaging her and asking for naked photos or this person getting drunk and kissing her on the neck and wishing he was with her. All resulted in an argument and then myself just forgiving her and letting it slide.

 

We finally broke up with these events getting too much as there are about 6 more events that’s happened. And it has been so incredibly hard to forget her and be broken up with her as I genuinely believe she is the love of my life. However, we are talking and we want to get back together, but I just can’t because of all this stuff that’s happened. I just can’t forget about it like nothing’s happened. I want to be with her but this is stopping me. I would really like some advice on this if possible.

 

There could also be a baby on the way that's ours and I want to be a part of 'its' life and I will do everything to try and be in the babies’ life.

 

We both suggested asking for help from a relationship advice people. I have also sent her this message so you can Gage both sides of the story. Here is her response:

 

“You know I’ll be moving away and I probably won’t see this guy again, it upsets me that you believe other peoples rumors over me, the fact that you’d only make this work because of our baby hurts me as well, I’m not ready to let you back in my life for that reason alone “

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately between all this happening with this other guy and a supposed pregnancy all in the span of 6 mos, it sounds like a lot of drama.

 

What does she mean 'moving away'? it sounds like she'd rather blame you than take any responsibility for her role whatsoever. Who gets pregnant intentionally after dating 6 mos?

like this person messaging her and asking for naked photos or this person getting drunk and kissing her on the neck and wishing he was with her. Here is her response:

 

“You know I’ll be moving away and I probably won’t see this guy again, it upsets me that you believe other peoples rumors over me, the fact that you’d only make this work because of our baby hurts me as well, I’m not ready to let you back in my life for that reason alone “

[moodindigo91]

Honestly, it sounds like she was never as invested in your relationship as you were. If this is the love of your life, then I'm sorry. That's real crappy.

 

When I think of the phrase "love of my life," I'm thinking of a happy, functional and mutually beneficial relationship. Your relationship was not any of those things it sounds like. I'm sorry if you have a baby on the way with this woman, even if she didn't cheat or intentionally flirt with this "friend" of hers, her actions seem shady and her unwillingness to change or distance herself from him makes it seem like she cared less for your relationship than she cared for this other guy.

 

It sounds almost like this other guy and her ought to be dating instead, she carried on more of a relationship with him than with you it sounds like. I say cut your losses. This isn't the love of your life, you'll find her someday.

 

Find out if this kid is in fact yours (who knows... could be the other guy's), and if it is, and you want to be in the kid's life you need to make arrangements with her like an adult, preferably with legal counsel, to establish parental rights.

[KyleJack123]

Well what it is is that's she's a soldier in the British Army and she's getting posted to Germany. However the distance isn't a problem for me, I love the girl I'll make it work.

 

It's not an intentional pregnancy as well

[moodindigo91]

I love the girl I'll make it work.

 

Well, good luck with that then, sounds like it'll be a shoddy ride.

[Wiseman2]

Oops. Can you relocate to Germany or is it a short tour/easy to do long distance? Her last communication says she's not ready to reconcile, what are you going to do?

Well what it is is that's she's a soldier in the British Army and she's getting posted to Germany. It's not an intentional pregnancy as well

[KyleJack123]

Thank you for your comments people, I do appreciate it.

She's happy to never talk to that guy again. It's just me who can't get over the fact that all this stuff has affected me. It is possible for me to go to Germany. However that's not the problem. It's just difficult to get back with her. She says she does wanna be with me.

[KyleJack123]

Brienoch, thanks for your messages. I just really do care about her. Just need advice on what I should really do. Whether I should just leave. Or whether I can find a way to try and let it all pass. If the answer was easy for me to do I would of already done it just I can't find a way to try and let it all go.

[moodindigo91]

If you are still hung up on it all, then you might have to walk away. It's still a very early stage in your relationship and it has already been riddled with issues. Add that to new distance (which makes it a lot harder to fix a relationship between two people... when you are fixing a broken relationship you generally will want and need to be around each other and regain trust... distance makes it very difficult but not impossible). You just need to sit down and really think about whether or not this woman, with her prior actions and the difficulty level the distance will bring, is really worth your time and effort. Love is not enough to stay with someone. There is a lot more that goes into a relationship besides love, do you think she will be able to provide everything you need in a relationship?

 

Just have to do some long, hard thinking and figure out what is worth it for you, what you need and want from her, and what your last straw would be before you'd have to walk away.

 

Edited to add: I dated a guy in the US Army and then a guy in the US Navy, I know all about hardships and distance in a relationship. I should also mention that both of those relationships ended. One was not at all toxic but we couldn't make it work because of the distance, the other was sort of like yours now, toxic. This is a commitment you will be making, before you make it I suggest you really think hard about whether this is a sort of commitment you'll want to make. You can easily find someone closer to you.

[KyleJack123]

Thanks for your comments,

I'm also in the Britsh Army. That's why we work so well together. Being away from each other wasn't a problem. We both live about 2.5 hours away from each other. Every weekend either I went to see her or she went to see me. We called. FaceTimed you name it. It wasn't a problem. If she goes to Germany it'll still work. Just the problems and issues I mentioned before that's stopping m from getting back with her.

 

I've had relationships before. Distant and non distant. I thought I loved these girls yet when I broke up it was easy. There is just something about her which I can't just ignore. I can't just let her go. I want her back in my life.

 

However I need help coping with the previous stuff that's happened, in order for me to get back with her.

 

And if I can't solve this issue with me getting back then I guess it all adds up and I've gotta man up and realise.

 

Once again I really do appreciate your answers and opinions

[Wiseman2]

Ok then give her the space she asked for and let her come to you.

I’m not ready to let you back in my life for that reason alone

[moodindigo91]

Thanks for your comments,

I'm also in the Britsh Army. That's why we work so well together. Being away from each other wasn't a problem. We both live about 2.5 hours away from each other. Every weekend either I went to see her or she went to see me. We called. FaceTimed you name it. It wasn't a problem. If she goes to Germany it'll still work. Just the problems and issues I mentioned before that's stopping m from getting back with her.

 

I've had relationships before. Distant and non distant. I thought I loved these girls yet when I broke up it was easy. There is just something about her which I can't just ignore. I can't just let her go. I want her back in my life.

 

However I need help coping with the previous stuff that's happened, in order for me to get back with her.

 

And if I can't solve this issue with me getting back then I guess it all adds up and I've gotta man up and realise.

 

Once again I really do appreciate your answers and opinions

 

It sounds almost like you have an addiction to her. Maybe because you know she could be bad for you? Either way, what you are saying doesn't amount to love. You are just justifying your inability to let her go. If that's the case, and you truly aren't ready to let her go, I agree with Wiseman2, let her come back to you. If she is not addicted to you in the same way, that is when you'll know it's time to pick up and move on.

[KyleJack123]

Okay thank you guys and girl. This has actually cleared some stuff up and made me realise what I should do.

Thank you all the best

[nihongo]

Then what have you decided?