Anyway to orgasm faster? Male

[Matt3939]

I have a different problem from the norm I usually hear about. Just wondering if anyone has any insight. I'm gonna start dating again and God willing find a partner to be sexual with. Ok I didn't have sex till 22. For the first two months I faked it. (Yes i realize im a guy but it was never questioned used condoms. BTW I've done that on a number of times) I couldn't bring myself to orgasm. Felt great and all of that. I figured totally mental. Eventually I was comfortable and everything was normal. I eventually started dating this other girl. She said she never had an orgasm. She was on medication for depression. It took a over a year but we figured out how to do it for her. She needed to have sex for a long time. Hay no problem was great I wasn't going to complain. That leads me to my most recent ex. She eventually gave me a mental complex didn't make the problem better only worse. She would tell me to hurry up at times. She would complain that we had to deside when to have sex cause it takes time. Don't get me wrong she was probably the best I've ever had but no 1 wants to hear that stuff ever. The only thing that I've found that works is just have sex if it isn't going to happen try again later. It should be fun it's not like I can't perform or don't want to. But this actually usually causes a problem cause they think they did something wrong. Absolutely not the case I enjoy every moment. I've heard woman fake it and it's never even brought up so you think they would be ok with it. So does any male have a problem reaching orgasm? Or any females that have a male with the same issue? How do you get around it? Btw when I say a while I'm not talking hrs like ive read on some posts on other forums. Maybe 45 min if it's going to happen. I don't think that's ubsurd.

[gebaird]

If you find yourself in a committed, long-term relationship with someone who is okay having unprotected sex, that could definitely help. Condoms reduce stimulation. I think it may also help to wait a few days before having sex, although what guy wants to hear that?! The mental complex you mentioned could be holding you back as well. There's a powerful psychological component of orgasm for both men and women. Therapy or just being with someone who treats you better could help.

 

I think guys generally don't have to fake orgasm, so it's a bit unusual but certainly not unheard of. Personally I think this is a great relationship test. If you find yourself with someone who lacks that kind of patience, show her the door

[gp11a]

I agree with the above -- they should want to make you happy, too... and figure out what works for you. Maybe there are certain things that help speed you up and they could try learning those. I don't agree with faking orgasms at all. I would never do it. And I'd rather my partner tell me what works for them or if it isn't happening, rather than fake it. I take a long time now because I was in a relationship where sex was zero, and I got used to my hand... I became somewhat desensitized. I guess I need to recover, though, if it just wasn't happening, I'd tell them I'm enjoying it and that it's okay. I'd explain it takes me a while sometimes, for now... And they appreciated it, as long as they knew I was happy. I'd usually be more giving.

 

I definitely think the mental aspect of all of this is playing a part. How can you enjoy sex if you are constantly thinking of what the other person is thinking about you taking a while - RELAX.

 

Don't touch yourself or masturbate too much, that might help.

[Wiseman2]

Be glad she is gone and find a woman who appreciates that you can last for her. Maybe mix up the repertoire with oral and other things.

She would tell me to hurry up at times. Maybe 45 min if it's going to happen.

[snoopygal]

She would tell me to hurry up at times.

 

The only thing that I've found that works is just have sex if it isn't going to happen try again later.

 

Did she want you to hurry up when you tried again later? Or pretty much every time? For me personally, sometimes it gets uncomfortable after a while the second time around. I would say something, but I was always nice about it, and would offer to do other things.

[Matt3939]

Yeah the condom thing might help but I haven't not used a condom in a decade. Considering it will be a new relationship I don't see that changing to fast. Going no masturbation doesn't help much either I've tried. I never believed in blue balls but it can happen and isn't comfortable. The whole hurry up comment was always before having sex never during. Usually during was fine no drama. I don't think anything hurt or was uncomfortable. It's was a releaf when I got out of the 8 year cause I realized you don't always have to use lube lol. I guess pills mess things up. BTW other things can go faster I can concentrate on my end more but I always like to move to other stuff.

[gp11a]

Yeah, the hurry up comment before sex almost seems like this is some chore that you guys are doing... puts pressure on you because then you're thinking about it. And if it was said during sex, then you're also thinking about it... A better way for them to word it is maybe to turn it into dirty talk, so it's more like encouragement, if there is ever a need for them to say something.

 

One thing which I have heard helps with people learning how to last longer (and/or for regaining sensitivity) is maybe using a Fleshlight toy when masturbating, therefore you are masturbating in a way that feels more like sex, rather than death gripping and probably not helping you orgasm any quicker during real sex. Just an idea.

[Zaphod]

Visual stimuli can help. Have a think about what turns you on. So forget about the John Thomas for a minute and concentrate on visuals, sounds, smells. This is why lingerie and perfume exist, for example.

 

Work out the triggers.

[Matt3939]

Hmm I never understood the smell thing. I had an ex that loved armpit and underwear smelling. Yes she was female. I just found this funny. Sounds are great, that does work for me so does visuals. I don't know if this is normal but I've questioned it before. With work I have a very visual memory I can work out and remember complex things. It's like I'm holding them or in the same room as an object. Now what bothers me is when I'm with a woman. I cannot for the life of me visually remember in detail what I just did 60 min ago. Sure I know what went on but it would be nice to have those thoughts in my head. I have absolutely tried to remember btw. A better example is can I draw a picture of somone I knew my whole life right now? Nope but can I recognize them? Yes instantly. Can I draw a mechanical object that I work on? Or just saw absolutely to the last part.

[Gimpyrks]

I dated a guy who would only come in one position, and we didn't do that position everyone time we had sex.

 

We could have sex for hours and neither one of us would get off, and guess what that was okay! Having sex was never about the end result, it's about the moments during sex. The laughs and giggles and the more serious romantic moments.

 

You don't need to get off every time and you need to find a girl that shares that same view.