Ex Contacted Me--How To Play It?

[Pixiecatgirl87]

About three months ago I hooked up with a guy I've known for many years. It ended up acting shady with me and I found out he started dating someone shortly after. I know we werent seriously dating but I was hurt because he just didn't tell me since we've known each other for years. So I texted: Hey I didn't know you were seeing someone. You could have just been honest and told me that when I was asking when you were coming back to visit. Anyway happy for you. He responded sorry about that. I guess I didn't pick up on why you were asking. I didn't mean to hide anything from you but I didn't want to think I was reading to much into why you were asking. So i just replied ok I guess it was a miscommunication.

 

So I havent heard from him at all since last week when he messaged and asked how I was doing. I replied not bad, you? He replied doing well keeping busy. I didn't respond because he wasnt carrying the convo. Then a few days later he liked some of my pics on instagram.

 

This past sunday he texted where I went out in Alexandria last night? I replied with the place and asked why? He said because my pictures looked cool and he basically lives there now. I said I didn't know that and asked why he moved

 

He said because of work and i said oh interesting..

 

I'm not sure how to play this...I would like to see him again but I'm not sure if he's single or what his intentions are. I'd also like to see him actually work for me. What should I do?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like his intentions were and still are hookups and fwb.

I'm not sure how to play this...I would like to see him again but I'm not sure if he's single or what his intentions are. I'd also like to see him actually work for me.

[DancingFool]

Nothing to play here. He hooked up with you briefly and moved on and hasn't bothered to really keep you posted about his life either.

 

Put it simply, if he was interested in you, he wouldn't have gone off with someone else shortly after your hook up.

[boltnrun]

She's probably still back where he used to live, and he wants to line up a body so he's guaranteed sex no matter what city he's in.

 

Or something like that.

 

Why give him yet another opportunity to disrespect you?

[katrina1980]

 

I would like to see him again

 

May I ask why? I mean you hooked up with him three months ago... after which he ghosted on you.

 

Why would you want to 'go there' again?

 

If you think he has miraculously changed, realized how much you mean to him and wants a "relationship" with you, please think again.

 

He's likely "dry" at the moment, tossing all the chicks he's hooked up with against the proverbial wall... and hoping one of them sticks.

 

DON'T be that girl.

 

You should have blocked him after he ghosted, then you wouldn't be faced with this dilemma.

 

Tell him no thanks, wish him well, then block, delete, NEXT.

[Pixiecatgirl87]

This is someone I've known for a few years, which I know doesn't make it any better. Probably worse since I was surprised he treated me like that. I guess my thought is when I questioned him about dating someone else, that was the first time I showed him I had any sort of feelings beyond hooking up...so maybe he realized he messed up something that could have been good. I'd like to at least see him face to face to see whats going on...

[Wiseman2]

Agree..you would have to wonder how good a friend he was if he was opportunistic knowing you had some feelings. No don't pursue this for a face-to-face confrontation, it will just be another hookup.

This is someone I've known for a few years,worse since I was surprised he treated me like that. I'd like to at least see him face to face to see whats going on...

[boltnrun]

And then end up "hooking up" with him, then go through more sadness when you realize he wasn't interested in "something good" but just wanted some sex?

 

I don't get from his response to your original text that he felt any regret. Just that he hadn't realized you had actual feelings for him. And his most recent contact looks like fishing to me. Not an invitation to go out to dinner or to see a film.

[katrina1980]

This is someone I've known for a few years, which I know doesn't make it any better. Probably worse since I was surprised he treated me like that. I guess my thought is when I questioned him about dating someone else, that was the first time I showed him I had any sort of feelings beyond hooking up...so maybe he realized he messed up something that could have been good. I'd like to at least see him face to face to see whats going on...

 

Okay, but prepare yourself for him saying anything he needs to say in order to hook up again, and then ghost..... AGAIN.

 

This man does not respect you.... and yes you are correct, the fact you have known each other for years makes his behavior three months ago that much worse, and not worthy of anything let alone a "face to face to see what's going on."

 

But hey your call... just prepare yourself because IMO I don't see this ending well for you.

[Pixiecatgirl87]

He did say sorry..but yeah I get what you are saying. If I were to see him again I wouldn't hook up with him without really knowing what his deal is

[Pixiecatgirl87]

Yeah I get what you're are saying

[Wiseman2]

Why would he tell you 'the deal' this time when he didn't last time?

He did say sorry..but yeah I get what you are saying. If I were to see him again I wouldn't hook up with him without really knowing what his deal is

[Pixiecatgirl87]

At the time I hooked up with him...he wasn't seriously dating this girl. It was about 2 months after. I still think the timeline was a little shady but he was not officially in a relationship at the time. So i guess he saw no reason. Not saying it still isnt a little shady or making excuses for him...just explaining the timeline a little more

[katrina1980]

He did say sorry..but yeah I get what you are saying. If I were to see him again I wouldn't hook up with him without really knowing what his deal is

 

How could you trust that he was telling you the truth though? He may even think he misses you and wants to give it another shot (big leap there)... but then after you hook up, bam, he's back to feeling unsure, and ghosts. How would you feel then?

 

I realize people can change, but I highly doubt he has evolved that much in three months' time; my guess is he is dry and horny.

 

I also believe in taking chances and risks in life.... if we get hurt, we pick up ourselves up, shake that shyt off and carry on.

 

However, when people demonstrate to you via their actions that they lack integrity and are not trustworthy, as this guy has done, it's a HUGE risk.

 

Again, if you want to go there.... then okay, just be prepared to get hurt again tis all.

 

Sometimes we just have to experience these things for ourselves in order to close the chapter for good.

 

So best of luck ... and let us know how it all turns out... and stay strong!

[Bella411]

I think you need to spend less time worrying about this guy and just go on living your life. If he is serious about you he will let you know by his actions. Don't listen to his words, watch his actions. So far he hasn't made any move to ask you out on a date so I would just carry on.

[Wiseman2]

Have you read "He's just Not That Into You"? It may give you some insight as to what's going on here and why you caught feelings for him but you are an afterthought to him.

At the time I hooked up with him...he wasn't seriously dating this girl. It was about 2 months after.

[boltnrun]

Oh, and BTW he's not an "ex"...unless you mean "ex hook up".

 

It just sounds like you have romanticized your sexual encounter with him and he...didn't. Also it seems like he didn't realize you were that attached to him.

 

Did he make any promises to you at the time? Or was it made clear to you BY HIM that it was just a casual encounter?

 

If you continue to romanticize this situation and he doesn't feel the same, I fear more sadness is in your future.

 

Unless he actually asks you out on a real date, I'd assume he's interested in another casual hookup. And remember, him NOT saying it's only casual doesn't mean he sees it as more serious. Make sure you're VERY clear what it is any encounter is to him before you jump in.

[HeartGoesOn]

My guess is if he were serious about dating you, he'd make much more of an effort than simply contacting you sporadically. I would think twice about this...