Should I stay and see what happens or...

[Meggaboo121]

My boyfriend got a back injury at Ford a year ago. He left work this past January after not being able to handle the pain. He got into a lawsuit with Ford due to their neglect on his injury. His lawyer pretty much screwed him over and won't return his calls. He can't get a tax paying/payroll job because he is on workers comp (but isn't getting compensated...?). So he pretty much is just doing dead end jobs, landscaping, construction, carpentry for low pay. It's unstable work. I work, I make good money. But I am pretty much supporting our 2 children and him by myself. I pay $2000 out in bills a month and barely have enough left over after food, gas and misc. needs are payed for. We decided we are dropping the lawsuit for now, and he is going to just go seek treatment for his back himself. Starting with him getting insurance and going to the Chiropractor. It's a pain though. He claims he does not have the money to pay a chiropractor or to afford healthcare. But he spends $50/week on weed for his pain. I have pushed the subject daily. Causing endless fights. I have contemplated moving home, I have a supporting family and I'm lucky to say I could live rent free with my family and have plenty of room for me and my children. I could finally start school and my son could start preschool with no problem financially. I could actually get a decent car. I would for once in my life be independent and free of financial stress. I am conflicted though as if I do that, my boyfriend will be screwed. He won't be able to pay our rent, forcing him to move out. He has friends so he wouldn't be completely screwed, but he would be down and out. I feel bad but I don't. I have told him till I'm blew in the face I would help him find a chiropractor. I would find out a health care plan to fit his needs. I would budget tight for a month just to save up a decent amount to use for medical purposes. He seems so uninterested. All we do is fight, he's in constant pain and we are financially stressed. We cannot get along. In done putting myself out, living miserably, waiting for things to get better. I don't know what to do. To give a little background, we have 2 toddlers and have been together 5 years.

[Wiseman2]

He kinda sounds like a malingerer and a pothead. Move out with your kids to your parents to save money and tell him to clean up his act if he wants you back. Do not support his drug habits and laziness.

I am pretty much supporting our 2 children and him by myself. he spends $50/week on weed for his pain. Causing endless fights. I could live rent free with my family and have plenty of room for me and my children. I could finally start school and my son could start preschool with no problem financially.

[reinventmyself]

He kinda sounds like a malingerer and a pothead. Move out with your kids to your parents to save money and tell him to clean up his act if he wants you back. Do not support his drug habits and laziness.

 

yes and no.

It sounds like he is in a downward spiral. That's what partners are for, to help each other through good and hard times. This guy is having a tough time.

Do you love him? If not, the answer is easy.

I think the $50 on weed is the sticking point here? There is such thing a medicinal marijuana, so he his need can be legitimate.

Not to mention cheaper than medication with or without insurance.

I'm not there so only you know if he is a victim of circumstances or not.

 

By what you describe I am not totally convinced that he's some sort of dead beat.

Did he show any indication of it when you got together?

 

I get this is an inconvenience but what if it were you that were injured at work?

Would you want you partner to feel you were an inconvenience?

[Meggaboo121]

yes and no.

It sounds like he is in a downward spiral. That's what partners are for, to help each other through good and hard times. This guy is having a tough time.

Do you love him? If not, the answer is easy.

I think the $50 on weed is the sticking point here? There is such thing a medicinal marijuana, so he his need can be legitimate.

Not to mention cheaper than medication with or without insurance.

I'm not there so only you know if he is a victim of circumstances or not.

 

By what you describe I am not totally convinced that he's some sort of dead beat.

Did he show any indication of it when you got together?

 

I get this is an inconvenience but what if it were you that were injured at work?

Would you want you partner to feel you were an inconvenience?

 

I completely agree. The issue is that he doesn't seem to have a desire to help himself. I agree the marijuana helps his pain, but he was a major, and when I say major I mean MAJOR pothead when we got together. So honestly he isn't using the weed for that issue. He has been smoking non stop for 10 years. He is in a lot of pain. He can't really work. He can't play with his kids. We can't even do things together as a family that involve physical activity. But he can fix all of this by going to the chiropractor. His shoulder needs to be reset as he has a pinched nerve. The visit is $30 and the place has financial help. But he doesn't agree that spending $50 a week on weed instead of a chiropractic visit is setting him back. Literally all he has to do is go to the doctor and all of his problems are solved. But instead all he wants to do is go job to job working odd hours complaining. I don't get it. At first it wasn't an inconvenience, it was something I was more than happy to accommodate, but a year later, with absolutely no improvement, it has become an inconveinience.

[DancingFool]

You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. If he was willing to do what it takes to get medical help, physical therapy, etc and actively working toward that it would be about supporting someone who is down.

 

Instead he is in such pain...but goes out and does odd physical jobs. Supposedly can't get workmans comp, but can't get a normal paying job? Makes no sense. You say the lawyer messed up and disappeared - are you sure that's the truth? Much more probably lawyer dropping client for either not cooperating, lying to the lawyer about the situation or because there is no case. For example, if he was stoned when he got hurt. Nothing about what he is doing and what you are fighting about adding up. Either you are not clear yourself about the situation or he is not telling you the truth and is enjoying getting high while you pay the bills.

[reinventmyself]

Then it sounds like ultimatum time.

Doesn't sound like you have much to loose by telling him to do whatever it takes to get better or you're moving home.

Pot as a bandaid for an ongoing problem and odd jobs is no longer acceptable.

[Matt3939]

Survival of the fittest

[j.man]

Story sounds shady as ****.

 

If his back is legit messed up, he needs medical attention, not a chiropractor. Not knocking the practice, just the scope some think it has.

 

Tell him to get consults from other attorneys. How exactly was he screwed over?

 

And how is he not getting the comp he's been granted.

 

If I didn't know that Ford is a sweet gig to have, I'd guess dude quit and is using the back as an excuse to smoke up and mooch.

[Wiseman2]

How is this good for the kids or you? A chiropractor is not a magician who can fix this many major problems including addiction, depression and basically being checked out mentally. The back injury is just the icing on the cake of all this.

I mean MAJOR pothead when we got together. So honestly he isn't using the weed for that issue. He has been smoking non stop for 10 years.He can't play with his kids. We can't even do things together as a family that involve physical activity.

[abitbroken]

I would walk out with the kids. Your kids do not need to breathe in pot, nor be around it. if he is prescribed medical marijuana - there are other forms - pills, etc, but I don't think pot is the answer. There could be something a chiropractor or an orthopedic surgeon could fix and alleviate the pain for him. But he won't know until he goes. And as far as meds being more expensive - some meds are very cheap if they are meds that have been around awhile, and what's even less expensive in the long run is really addressing the injury so he doesn't need meds at all in awhile.

 

Also, as far as workman's comp - I had a friend where it took a year to get, and she got it retroactively. So he needs to get a new attorney. But i will say if he is doing a job that involves physical labor, he is screwing himself out of it, because if he is caught doing that job, he will lose everything. If he was doing a desk job a couple hours a day before the pain is too much - it might be okay.

 

I think you go to your family's house and you tell him that he needs to get into counseling, etc, and to see a doctor. That may be the only way he hits rock bottom enough to get help.

 

He is not your husband. He may be the father of your kids, but he has no committment to you and thank goodness he can't hurt your credit report.

 

Also, if he wasn't smoking pot and he was picking up the slack cleaning around the house, making doc appointments for the kids, etc, and handling things like that, that is another matter. But he's not.

[Meggaboo121]

Story sounds shady as ****.

 

If his back is legit messed up, he needs medical attention, not a chiropractor. Not knocking the practice, just the scope some think it has.

 

Tell him to get consults from other attorneys. How exactly was he screwed over?

 

And how is he not getting the comp he's been granted.

 

If I didn't know that Ford is a sweet gig to have, I'd guess dude quit and is using the back as an excuse to smoke up and mooch.

 

He got an injury last July. Didn't know they couldn't refuse him medical, they did, his union Rep did, he found out months later that was illegal, demanded medical help, they did physical therapy and the therapist did nothing but play on his phone, not paying attention. He didn't go back and asked for a different place. I guess they denied him further help? Went to Fords doctor who did a test on him. She was rude and said he was fine. The story doesn't make sense to me either but his lawyer was last heard from in May. He hasn't called. We can't get a hold of him. Last we heard from him he told us he couldn't go to a doctor because that would mess up his lawsuit. He wants to get health insurance to get an MRI. He thinks his back needs reset. But he ultimately doesn't know. Who knows. He could be faking. Idk. I don't think he is though. Maybe he is over playing his pain though. And idk how he isn't getting workers comp. He couldn't go back to work because of the pain and got fired for no shows so that's probably why?

[j.man]

So why can't he go to another lawyer?

[Meggaboo121]

So why can't he go to another lawyer?

Yeah..... Exactly. I've asked him. He said he needs to go to the doctor first, I guess to have proof that there is something wrong with his back. Then he can take that to the lawyer. So here I am, trying to get him to the doctor....

[Wiseman2]

Please move out with your children to your parents and save your money and your sanity and give them a better environment than this.. he's a pothead and making up one lame excuse after the next. Stop enabling him.

Yeah..... Exactly. I've asked him. He said he needs to go to the doctor first, I guess to have proof that there is something wrong with his back. Then he can take that to the lawyer. So here I am, trying to get him to the doctor....

[Meggaboo121]

You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. If he was willing to do what it takes to get medical help, physical therapy, etc and actively working toward that it would be about supporting someone who is down.

 

Instead he is in such pain...but goes out and does odd physical jobs. Supposedly can't get workmans comp, but can't get a normal paying job? Makes no sense. You say the lawyer messed up and disappeared - are you sure that's the truth? Much more probably lawyer dropping client for either not cooperating, lying to the lawyer about the situation or because there is no case. For example, if he was stoned when he got hurt. Nothing about what he is doing and what you are fighting about adding up. Either you are not clear yourself about the situation or he is not telling you the truth and is enjoying getting high while you pay the bills.

I don't like to think that he is keeping things from me and/or lying. But it would make sense as none of this makes any sense. It would be a shock though. We talk about getting financially better and it sounds like something he desires. He just puts no effort towards it.

[Meggaboo121]

Please move out with your children to your parents and save your money and your sanity and give them a better environment than this.. he's a pothead and making up one lame excuse after the next. Stop enabling him.

I agree. It's something I have already decided is the best thing to do. I haven't talked to anyone other than my parents about this so I guess I just came on here to get unbiased opinions.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he's running you around in circles.

But it would make sense as none of this makes any sense.

 

]

[DancingFool]

Yeah..... Exactly. I've asked him. He said he needs to go to the doctor first, I guess to have proof that there is something wrong with his back. Then he can take that to the lawyer. So here I am, trying to get him to the doctor....

 

lol...you are truly kidding yourself. Please stop. If you really want, go talk to an actual injury lawyer yourself. Most consults are free. They'll tell you what info they need and what he needs to do. Shoot, if they have a strong case, they'll even fund his medical...IF there is a case that is. Ford has deep pockets and if lawyers have a good case, they'll be all over it. If they don't, they'll drop you guys like a hot rock.

[Meggaboo121]

I know this.. Unfortunately I cannot go to a lawyer myself for his issue as I'm not 100% on everything that happened. He won't go himself. His best friends dad is a lawyer and he won't even consult with him.

[reinventmyself]

I know this.. Unfortunately I cannot go to a lawyer myself for his issue as I'm not 100% on everything that happened. He won't go himself. His best friends dad is a lawyer and he won't even consult with him.

 

Yah. . .there is a piece of this puzzle missing. Something doesn't add up.

[Wiseman2]

Probably because he doesn't have a case. That's the only reason personal injury attorneys who work on a contingency fee basis wouldn't bother returning calls. Come on, who ever heard of an ambulance chaser walking away from a good case?

I know this.. Unfortunately I cannot go to a lawyer myself for his issue as I'm not 100% on everything that happened. He won't go himself. His best friends dad is a lawyer and he won't even consult with him.

[DancingFool]

I know this.. Unfortunately I cannot go to a lawyer myself for his issue as I'm not 100% on everything that happened. He won't go himself. His best friends dad is a lawyer and he won't even consult with him.

 

......So what does that tell you about your bf????? and his truthfulness about things?

 

Anyway, you don't need to know 100% details to get educated yourself on what the process is, what the rules are, what info they need from your bf. However, I think given that your bf is categorically avoiding this, then this whole thing is a moot point.

 

The more you post, the more something stinks rotten with his story.... Sorry......

[abitbroken]

I know this.. Unfortunately I cannot go to a lawyer myself for his issue as I'm not 100% on everything that happened. He won't go himself. His best friends dad is a lawyer and he won't even consult with him.

 

Then you do not. You only go to a lawyer to draw up a visitation agreement/to establish sole custody of the children.

 

He got an injury last July. Didn't know they couldn't refuse him medical, they did, his union Rep did, he found out months later that was illegal, demanded medical help, they did physical therapy and the therapist did nothing but play on his phone, not paying attention. He didn't go back and asked for a different place. I guess they denied him further help? Went to Fords doctor who did a test on him. She was rude and said he was fine. The story doesn't make sense to me either but his lawyer was last heard from in May. He hasn't called. We can't get a hold of him. Last we heard from him he told us he couldn't go to a doctor because that would mess up his lawsuit. He wants to get health insurance to get an MRI. He thinks his back needs reset. But he ultimately doesn't know. Who knows. He could be faking. Idk. I don't think he is though. Maybe he is over playing his pain though. And idk how he isn't getting workers comp. He couldn't go back to work because of the pain and got fired for no shows so that's probably why?

 

I have been through something similar. You don't sit and demand medical help. You get medical help, and then worker's comp, etc, decides if the company is going to pay for your medical help - if it is decided they are responsible than a settlement is made to cover what you have paid up until the settlement and a sum for future care if deemed necessary. That may mean you pay out of pocket, have your insurance through COBRA pay for it or whatever. You never, ever get paid up front for medical care.

 

That sounds like hogwash that the therapist played on his phone. That just would not happen. If he had an exercise to do - like on a treadmill, it could be that the therapist doesn't stand and watch the whole time, looks at a screen once he gets going and then checks back with him if he is supposed to be on there for 15 minutes, etc. And the therapist could very well be looking at a work related app or even his chart on there.

 

If he on his owns goes to counseling, stops smoking and gets real medical help when you have an injury you can decide from there, but someone refuses other medical treatment and just decides pot is the answer is delusional.