Healing but he's making it difficult

[Broken bond]

I'll be short. My husband cheated on me and lied constantly about it. Like straight faced lied to me over and over again. He never told me how he no longer felt I loved him. After he ended the cheating and we were working towards getting back to the old us he always gave the excuse that he was sorry for not mentioning it but I was the one who ignored him-to me it felt like he was pinning more on me, like it was my fault. Now months later I still have difficulty with things because I know so much about the affair since I snooped to find if he was lying to me. Its burned in my memory and I desperately want to forget it. We don't have money to spend on going to therapy because this healthcare system sucks and punishes middle class, we have done well at times with being open and promoting healing in our relationship but I still feel hurt. I know it takes time but randomly I'll think about it and it makes me upset. Our bond of marriage was broken by him How can I get over this faster? Maybe reading someone else's story will help me heal? I constantly think I want to give up but we have kids and I came from a broken home (turned out OK) and I really don't want to do that to my kids. I have such a hard time trusting him with everything. I like to talk about all this but he hates talking about it, sometimes even ignores me and plays on his phone, and even if therapy was affordable he refuses to go. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he wants you to forgive and forget so he doesn't have to deal. However what more is there to talk about? More sordid details about a the affair and all the surrounding lies isn't going to help.

 

Focus more on his being trustworthy and transparent going forward. If you can't move on and there is sustained anger/resentment consider consulting a divorce attorney.

My husband cheated on me and I like to talk about all this but he hates talking about it, sometimes even ignores me and plays on his phone

[Ms Darcy]

Therapy is effective for people who want to work on things and improve - genuinely. He doesn't. So it would be a waste of time and money.

 

On the other hand, if you had the courage to leave him, most of your baggage (as in him) would disappear.

[Gary Snyder]

Therapy can help with your trust issues and ease the pain as you get over it. It will take awhile to get over it, and you'll have some anger temporarily. The main thing is, he must understand that if he ever cheats again, it's over - no second chances. Time is great healer, so give it some time.

 

That said, some couples recover from it, some don't, and some people carry trust issues over to their future relationships. I wish you well.