restlessmind Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Hi guys, a confused girl in need of some advice here. I'll try and keep it short. I met a guy in university a year ago and soon we became best friends. Without going into details, this guy has been my support and has always been there for me, he has helped me in every which way- he's the bestest friend I could ever ask for. Anyway, few months into the friendship, I developed feelings for him but never told him because I was afraid and also because he was moving back to his home country in a few months so I didn't see the point. I didn't say anything, and he didn't either but we got closer and closer (we were just always together, always). Finally, a week or 2 before he was supposed to leave, we were probably too upset and high on emotions but he confessed that he likes me as more than a friend, that I am the only reason he's upset about leaving the country and he wishes he could take me with him. We both wished we had more time together, but regardless, we spent a lovely last few days together and the night before he was supposed to leave, we also ended up kissing a few times. It was a very emotional night for the two of us. And then he left. We did make plans about visiting each other, seeing each other soon, keeping in contact etc. And we're in contact, we text, he has asked me to talk or skype soon a few times, we still miss each other. I am honestly so heart-broken that we never got to give "us" a chance. I felt such a connection with him, we just fit together so easily, I have never been able to be so comfortable and myself with anyone. I miss him dearly, I have had a hard summer because of this. I thought I could deal with being "just friends" but no, my feelings are too strong. I know if not LDR, I'd probably have to cut contact because otherwise my feelings will make me miserable but I can't get myself to do that either. But is LDR worth it? We haven't ever discussed it but from random conversations here and there, he doesn't seem to think they work. He's also a bit older than me (he's 27) and maybe he would want something more "real" and stable? I'm not sure.... So, what do you think? Is it worth discussing pursuing a LDR with him? Have you ever been in this situation? Can we actually make it work? Should I be honest with him anyway, regardless of his answer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 All you can do is ask him again if he wants a LDR and see if he changed his mind. we spent a lovely last few days together and the night before he was supposed to leave, we also ended up kissing a few times. It was a very emotional night for the two of us. And then he left. But is LDR worth it? We haven't ever discussed it but from random conversations here and there, he doesn't seem to think they work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 You can ask, but more importantly, is he coming back or are either one of you able to travel to maintain the relationship? In other words, LDR only makes sense when the distance is a temporary inconvenience rather than a permanent situation and there is a definitive realistic timeline on closing the distance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 I hate to say this but most LDR's don't work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 I hate to say this but most LDR's don't work out. Most local dates don't work out either .... lol..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Okay, then what? Say you profess your love to him and he says the same thing to you. Then what? What is the next move after that? When two people engage in a LDR there comes a time where someone one eventually has to move. How long before you are done with school? Is it years? What happens during that time? You will be busy with your classes and studies and he will be busy with his life. After you graduate do you plan on going to another school? Is he willing to move to another country for you or are you willing to move for him? Is seeing him once a year or twice a year really going to fulfill your needs? Do you think its going to fulfill his needs? What happens if he doesnt respond to your text or calls for days...will you think the worst? To confess your love to someone is nice, but to confess your love to someone who lives in another country can complicate things with all the logistics on who is going to move, how often he/she can come visit. Im not saying a LDR cant work. Ive seen them work and I have bee in a few myself. Just giving you some insight on reality before you confirm your fantasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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