trying to let go

[Nikx09]

I have recently been "broken up" (I put it like that because we weren't ever officially dating) with after 6 months of being with a guy. the guy I was with never felt the same for me and told me he did not love me.. or ever will. When we were together it was easy and we got along really well but the fact he would never commit to me resulted in a lot of insecurities. I constantly asked if he really wanted to be with me and why he was.. his answer was always... I enjoy spending time with you. the whole time everything was on his terms and he was very open in saying it was, he even thanked me for understanding it was ok with me that the "relationship" was on his terms. He would not see me during the week because he had to work on his app he was trying to develop (the reason he didn't want to commit was because he wasn't happy with where he was in his career) and would only see me every second weekend, if I was lucky, and told me it was not going to get any better than this. I started to fall in love with him and he knew this but kept on stringing me along, I didn't know how to just walk away because I just wanted to be with him. Then out of nowhere he was meeting up with a "friend", a female friend, and I only found out about this when I asked him if he ever saw his female friends because I told him when I saw my guy friends, so he told me all of a sudden that he was meeting up with a friend (which I think he was never going to tell me about) and said there was nothing there and they were just friends. I asked him the 21 questions about her and he told me she had a boyfriend and she knew about me, but still it didn't make me feel any better. i tried my best to understand that they were just friends but something didn't seem right. we had a fight about it and he kept telling me they were just friends, until I made the wrong decision to look at his phone. I listened to a voice note that said, she is asking me the 21 questions but obviously I cant tell her how we met. This immediately made me feel uncomfortable, so I asked him how they met and his answer was strange and he didn't know how to answer properly, he told me they met through a friend. I sort of felt ok in the beginning because their messages were completely platonic and i felt there was nothing to worry about but why would he want to lie to me. He told me they were just friends but was it really normal to keep things from someone you were seeing.. intimately. He even send pictures of himself (not dodgey ones) to her that he would also send to me and say things like.. that is almost as beautiful as you.. now is that really a message you would send to just a friend. So, i was becoming more insecure about the situation and what was really going on between them! he didn't know i knew about all of this until one day i looked at his phone again.. We went to a social event and she was apparently meant to be there too. He told her in messages if you bump into us and I asked if how him and her meet, she must lie to me and tell me they met through a friend and not Tinder. he also said to her, you are quite pretty so Nicole might feel a little insecure.. so I lost it, told him I looked through his phone and that he was lying to me and i was Done.. he tried to explain and said I was already feeling insecure and so he lied to protect me. But how on earth is that something you should lie about? is that even normal. i asked him if there was something there, and he hesitated to answer. so we had many fights about all of this and it became too much for him that he told me he felt claustrophobic and trapped. was i wrong to feel this way, insecure and fell like he was actually cheating on me? How can someone feel normal after something like this. He never treated me well but i stayed and was scared to lose him. Now I don't know how to deal with this break up and I am a mess.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, you state you were not dating, no less in a relationship nor exclusive and that you agreed to these terms.

 

Don't proceed to date or get invested in something that you don't want or that doesn't suit you.

we weren't ever officially dating and told me he did not love me.. or ever will. thanked me for understanding it was ok with me that the "relationship" was on his terms. lie to me and tell me they met through a friend and not Tinder. he told me he felt claustrophobic and trapped.

[devinefaith]

I was in a similar situation like that. It sucks when we like someone sometimes we accept things like not being exclusive even when we want hoping we can change their minds just to end up being hurt. From now on I'm only giving the samething that is given to me i wont put all my eggs in one basket until they show me that they really want to commit to me. Unfortunately it takes learning things the hard way for us to really see what it is we want and deserve. Within time it will get better continue your no contact to heal.m