will he love me

[Sallydont]

I have been living in Spain for the summer during which i have only seen my boyfriend for 8 days. We talk daily and have had no problems apart from missing each other so much.

However, the other day we somehow managed to get on to the topic of love. Something which we haven't said yet. It basically ended in me asking him why he hadn't told me yet, and he replied with 'well i was going to when i came to see you in spain, but i bottled out', and later saying 'he needed more time and that he understands that i love him, and that he WILL love me one day'. Now I know i'm probably being childish here, but i just need confirmation. It does't help i haven't seen him and that this whole conversation was over skype. I got very upset and probably insecure about the fact that he knows i love him but the feelings don't seen to be the same yet... Can i continue our relationship knowing this or will i resent him?

Amongst the conversation he also said 'what is love?', and came to conclusion that he was scared of it.

Help would be much appreciated. I know i am probably over thinking this, however, i can't seen to stop thinking about it!!! He seems very confused, and i wonder if he is capable of love! He treats me so well, everything is amazing apart from this one new issue.

[Tanzi]

Hi Sallydont. I personally don't think your boyfriend is confused. I think you are the one who is (understandably) confused because you are analysing certain things he says in the hope it means something. Looking at this simply, he has told you he doesn't love you yet and if he doesn't love you now, how can he possibly know that he will ever love you? It could go either way at this point.

 

And whilst I can understand that he doesn't know what love is (as he has never been in it), being scared of it is just claptrap ... or rather deflection. How can you be scared of something when you don't even know what it is? It's basically just the next step along when it comes to dating and relationships. It either gets that far or it doesn't.

 

At the end of the day, it isn't his fault if he doesn't feel what you do. He otherwise sounds like a good guy ... and who knows what may or may not happen in the future ... but as to whether you can stay in a relationship like this? Well, for a start, that would depend on how long you've been together. If you were together for only a few weeks or few months, it's understandable that he might not be feeling quite the same as you yet. He could just be moving slower than you. However, if you've been together for a lot longer then it seems unlikely that he will catch up with you if he hasn't already done so and, at that point, you would have to ask yourself how long you would be prepared to wait to see if he does. It also may depend on your ages and whether he has the emotional capacity to feel "in love" yet.

 

I think, generally speaking though, two people who are meant to be together are pretty much on the same page, straight away and things turn out to be far more simpler than all the question marks and confusion that some relationships have hanging over them.

 

How old are you guys and how long have you been together?

[Wiseman2]

Same guy?