Shy, or not interested, or what?

[paradoxical]

I'll keep this short. I would like to believe that this guy is somewhat interested in me. Or at least, I want to know him better and perhaps that's why i am over-reading things. We live together in the same college community, in the same building. The part in the brackets is the part i'm confused about.

 

• Lingers in the same room as me - both of us are alone - for 1 - 2 hours, in the middle of the night. I was doing some work. He doesn't do anything but watch videos. (Yet, we don't talk. He doesn't say anything to me..) And then after that, he says goodnight and leaves the room lol wut.
   
  
• When it is a group context like having one other person around, we can talk until 3am and none of us would want to go back to sleep, we would rather just keep talking.
   
  
• When other people are around, we end up talking 1 to 1. (yet, after a while, he will be like okay i should talk to other people too).
   
  
• Private messaging me when there's a group chat for the same question / answer
   
  
• Asking to borrow my earphones to test them out because maybe he wants to get the same pair due to "good reviews"
  

 

my main gripe is just that - why doesn't he want to talk to me more alone? is it because he doesn't know what to say to me? or is he really not interested and i'm just kidding myself

[Capricorn3]

He sounds really shy - only has the courage to talk to you when others are around. Possibly interested, but too shy to approach 1 one 1.

[LiamLondon]

I'll keep this short. I would like to believe that this guy is somewhat interested in me. Or at least, I want to know him better and perhaps that's why i am over-reading things. We live together in the same college community, in the same building. The part in the brackets is the part i'm confused about.

 

• Lingers in the same room as me - both of us are alone - for 1 - 2 hours, in the middle of the night. I was doing some work. He doesn't do anything but watch videos. (Yet, we don't talk. He doesn't say anything to me..) And then after that, he says goodnight and leaves the room lol wut.
   
  
• When it is a group context like having one other person around, we can talk until 3am and none of us would want to go back to sleep, we would rather just keep talking.
   
  
• When other people are around, we end up talking 1 to 1. (yet, after a while, he will be like okay i should talk to other people too).
   
  
• Private messaging me when there's a group chat for the same question / answer
   
  
• Asking to borrow my earphones to test them out because maybe he wants to get the same pair due to "good reviews"
  

 

my main gripe is just that - why doesn't he want to talk to me more alone? is it because he doesn't know what to say to me? or is he really not interested and i'm just kidding myself

 

Female friends have told me the approach they often take with shy guys is to ask him to an event with a group of friends (so he doesn't feel under pressure) where you expect to wind up both alone and then try and ask him what he thinks of you after some flirting.

 

Judging by his actions I'd say he's shy AND sounds like he really doesn't know much about social norms and probably is unaware that as a guy he is expected to make the first move (and he's probably naive on a whole host of other things). He sounds so shy that even if threatened with death he wouldn't ask someone out.

 

But I wouldn't despair - some guys just need encouragement and to feel more comfortable around women and as we never have someone sit down and tell us what is expected of us (we are expected to pick this up "as we go along"). Or he could be hard work and where you find you do most of the work in a relationship.

 

You will only find out by approaching him and no analysing, talking on the web or reading of body language will make you any the wiser. And he won't make the move. You just have to approach him and give him a chance - be prepared for how tough that is. It helps if you can see the warning signs early if it isn't worth it. But if you make the first move as often as I have you will feel empowered as most of my gfs have been through making the first move myself.

 

Also another thing with relationships in general - from my own experience if you only chase someone when you are 110% sure they are interested then you will wind up only chasing ones that aren't interested and missing the ones that are. It's a cruel joke nature plays and it relates to how anxiety distorts perception and I see it in others. It helps if, like me, you go after who you want NOT who you think wants you - maybe it is because I am older and less sensitive that I do this, but trust me you can miss out on an awful lot of chances for love by thinking about the "is he? isn't he" thing.

[Alabama]

I think he is just not used to socially talking with women it sounds like. It sound like he is interested. You can either wait for him to make a move, or appoach him about it.

[Tick]

I think he's an introvert person that's not used to talk much and not doing much. He is interested but he doesn't know what to say and how to react.

Maybe you should make the first move and try to find more about his character by talking a topic he likes.

Most people always believe that shy people are never interested at anything and never motivated to do something because they are not as open-minded as an extrovert person but that's not true.

 

Encourage him a bit so he can fully trust you and so he can be more open-minded to you.

 

😘