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Girlfriend Problems?


ConundrumB

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I really need some good solid unbiased advice. I can't ask my friends and my family doesn't support my life style. I'm gay, I've been with this girl for almost 7 months now and I don't know what's up with this relationship. We don't have sex. We don't passionately kiss. We don't cuddle. She says she likes sex, cuddling, and kisses. But I feel a big rift there. When I ask her about it, she gets REALLY mad at me or sad. We live together, we have separate rooms. I pay for EVERYTHING. She says she's trying to find a job, but it's been three months. I tried to cut it off, but then she freaks out and I feel bad. I found out my contact name in her phone is "Lezibelle" which is my name and lesbian combined. Hurt my feelings. She said she thought it was cute. Now my contact is ID which is just my initials. Then there's this guy she CONSTANTLY hangs around with. They share a bed sometimes, and she told me that he was her twin. I checked him out, turns out, they weren't related at all. When I confronted her about it she got SUPER mad. Like over the top mad. All this stuff makes me panic and freak out at her, and the cycle repeats.

 

I feel so drained and unloved. She keeps telling me she loves me, but I don't know anymore. Am I being used? What's going on? Please help me out, I just want to know what to do.

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Is she bi? Is this her bf? It sounds like she is treating this as roommates, but has you footing the bills. You need to throw her out. She's dishonest, lazy and exploiting you.

my family doesn't support my life style. I'm gay, I've been with this girl for almost 7 months.We live together, we have separate rooms. I pay for EVERYTHING. Then there's this guy she CONSTANTLY hangs around with. They share a bed sometimes.
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You don't have a lover, you have a dependent. Either she's not that into you or she's lying to you (possibly herself, too) about her sexuality. YES you are being used. Instead of panicking and freaking out, draw a line. Tell her you will no longer support her financially and that you want her to move out. Then hold firm to that decision no matter what her reaction is.

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So, even though I really f**ked up a lot by freaking out, this is still not normal?

 

This isn't on you. This girl wants to have her cake and eat it, too. If she was upset by your behavior, she could attempt to reconcile or break up. Instead she continues to take everything you are willing to offer without giving you anything in return.

 

Sometimes when people misuse us, we feel as though we are at fault. We ask ourselves what we did to deserve this poor treatment, and we work to improve. But some people are going to mistreat us no matter how we behave. It's THEIR problem to fix, not ours. In this situation I don't think you freaking out is the issue. I recommend distancing yourself from anyone who treats you this way. Don't let her continue to take advantage of your kindness.

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This is really really upsetting... What do I do now?

 

1) Break up with her

2) Give her a deadline for exiting the premises and enforce it

3) Breathe a huge sigh of relief

4) Begin healing

5) Find someone who actually loves you and isn't just looking for a sugar mama

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Yes. it doesn't sound good. You may want some specialized support from an LGBT support group about people who feign interest in these situations for financial gain, since she is having this guy over and is asexual with you.

Are you sure that's what it is? I'm not crazy or manipulative or anything?
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Are you sure that's what it is? I'm not crazy or manipulative or anything?

 

Even if you are (not saying you are ), the situation cannot continue as it now is. Can it? There are only two options for a relationship in crisis: fix it or end it. You've tried fixing it, and it hasn't worked (not even close). So end it.

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Thanks for your advice. Turns out that dude was her bf after all. Found a love note, sooooo it was official. I'm not even depressed. I'm actually pretty happy all in all. I was so tired of the BS and the lies and the manipulation. I just didn't think people like that existed. Go figure. Anyways. It's done and I'm free.

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