Shattered but Life has to go on

[bubblysumu]

I just need to let this out.

I was with a guy for almost three years .It was not official but I the private times that we shared and it’s a person that I had known for many years so we always had a lot to talk about. I had gone through a divorce and he was supportive and my life wasn’t perfect but at least I had someone who would make me smile or laugh at the end of the day.

 

At the beginning he was very sweet and loving sending me notes etc etc. but also a very private person(it was difficult for him to open up on issues such as growing up and his family etc. etc) he would go quite sometimes and then later resume communication as if nothing happened. I never asked any questions as I was simply going with the flow.

 

A few months ago I heard from a family member of his who didn’t know about ‘us’ that he was getting married I was shocked and naturally the thing to do was ask him. OMG he snapped! That he was eventually gonna get married and there is nothing wrong etc etc.. But I tried to explain that there was nothing wrong with him getting married but didn’t he think it was fair to at least let me know instead of having to see it on social media. I didn’t get a yes or no but he was very rude and the convo didn’t reach a conclusion.

 

After that incident e didn’t speak for about a month until when he saw me once and stopped his car to say hi I was surprised knowing his level of pride and why he decide to say hi. It happened like three times. He birthday came and I texted him and it was fine.

 

But deep down I was not settled as his behavior was like everything was okay and he was moving on with his life as if his dishonesty was nothing and he didn’t even apologize .So I decided to go FBI and I got all the details, dates, name and info of the girl he was marrying so as I can know the truth and get over it. I confronted him and sent him the picture and I bluntly told him how disappointed and I respected him a lot and didn’t thinking he was capable of stooping this low. I was also let him know that the issue was not that he was getting married but he did not have the decency and honesty to even let me know that he wasn’t interested and he had other plans but rather tagging me along for all this time. He responded like he didn’t know me; That I am mad because as long he didn’t say that he would marry me and that I have a husband (???) and I was the one chasing him (really in 2016?!!)

 

After those very immature responses I knew it wasn’t worth it. I spoke to my friend about it who is friends with the family member that I spoke of in the beginning of the story who contacted me and told me as a family they were also surprised as they had never heard of the girl before and all of a sudden a wedding was to happen.

 

All in all I am just disappointed on why someone would deny their feeling like that. What was his intention? How did he want me to react when I saw his wedding pics on Instagram?

 

I am moving on one day at a time but my heart has been shattered to pieces. I don’t know if I will be able to forget this and what hurts me is I thought he was a good person and a friend.

[QWit]

Some people are just scum.. The best thing to do is just lose contact with him. He knows what he did to you is wrong. However, he has the excuse of you all not being truly official to rely back on. Regardless, he was sharing space with you and I, bet, he knew that you probably wanted more. Believe me, I know that hurts like hell. I experienced something similar recently. Allow yourself to feel every emotion and lose contact with this dude. Trust me, he know he was scum and he just didn't give a damn. So, you feel free to not give a damn about him and cut his azz off.. Nobody should have to experience that. Sorry, that happened to you. Take it one step at a time. You will get through it. This is the same thing I'm telling myself and, also, to let you know you are not the only one that has experienced that type of betrayal and hurt. So, you can take solace in knowing you are not alone in a jacked up situation..

[Iggy5129]

I'm really confused here. You were dating a guy and now suddenly he's married? Or you just liked this guy and are upset that he's married?

 

How can someone suddenly get married? He must have been in a relationship with her for a long time then right? I'm sorry but if you waited around for 3 years for this guy while nothing happened that's your fault for wasting your time on a guy who wasn't interested In a relationship. But it's not really clear from this post exactly what happened.

[QWit]

Did you ever express your intentions or what you wanted with him because if you didn't, technically, y'all weren't exclusive. It looks like he was cheating on his longtime girlfriend with you. Were you just his friend with benefits or, in his mind, his sex buddy? Sounds like you were just FWB. If that is the case, just move on.. He is denying having anything with you and assuming you knew what you agreed to. With the next dude, demand exclusiveness or tell the dude to kick rocks. Take this as a lesson learned and grow from it.

[QWit]

double post..sorry

[Nebraskagirl14]

This post is also very confusing to me, Bubbly! Sorry! I wish I could respond but I totally don't have a clue what has happened here. You two were together and then you found out he was marrying someone else?

[bubblysumu]

This post is also very confusing to me, Bubbly! Sorry! I wish I could respond but I totally don't have a clue what has happened here. You two were together and then you found out he was marrying someone else?

 

Coming from a muslim family and an african nation this story is very normal.There are alot of arranged marriages and alot of young guys can date someone for some years and then go pf suddenly to marry someone else of high status or wealth.It happens alot in our side of the world.

[bubblysumu]

Did you ever express your intentions or what you wanted with him because if you didn't, technically, y'all weren't exclusive. It looks like he was cheating on his longtime girlfriend with you. Were you just his friend with benefits or, in his mind, his sex buddy? Sounds like you were just FWB. If that is the case, just move on.. He is denying having anything with you and assuming you knew what you agreed to. With the next dude, demand exclusiveness or tell the dude to kick rocks. Take this as a lesson learned and grow from it.

 

When we started he told me he was single.its likely he met the girl when he was with me and he knew how I felt and we had no agreement what so ever to buddyz as it is something that I do not entertain.However you are right he is assuming I knew because he is a coward who couldnt face me and tell me about his other plans.Indeed with next guy before anything starts I wont go with the flow like I did here but rather know what Im getting myself into as early as possible.

[bubblysumu]

I'm really confused here. You were dating a guy and now suddenly he's married? Or you just liked this guy and are upset that he's married?

 

How can someone suddenly get married? He must have been in a relationship with her for a long time then right? I'm sorry but if you waited around for 3 years for this guy while nothing happened that's your fault for wasting your time on a guy who wasn't interested In a relationship. But it's not really clear from this post exactly what happened.

 

If he was in a relationship with her for a long time atleast his family wouldnt be surprised he is marrying a girl they never knew existed.Yes u are also right its also my fault for wasting my own time and not knowing the signs to walk away earlier however what really puzzles me is he did not have the confidence to tell me anout the wedding? What was his plan? Imagine have a situationship if I can call it that with someone and then suddenly seeing they are married on social media.How bad hearted can one be? And Im assuming of you dont love someone isnt it easy to just tell them unarent interested?

 

Impromptu marriages happen alot please my previous replies.