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I really need advice right now. My boyfriend of 4 years has broke up with me, I thought we were fine, we have not been arguing and I thought he loved me. He suddenly wants to be single and I'm left feeling desperate. I relied on him for everything and I can't cope. It feels like it's never going to get better he was my first love and I thought we were going to last forever.

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I relied on him for everything and I can't cope.


This is a problem. It's good to have people in our lives whom we love and trust, but no one can be relied on for everything -- as you are learning.


I'm so sorry for your pain. My first breakup was h3ll as well (she and I dated for 4 years). Healing is possible but you are never the same after an experience like that.


I know right now it feels like you'll hurt forever. I know you are thinking you can't be happy without him. But you can, and you will. In time.


Your mind is probably thinking of all the ways you could get him back, all the things you could have said, wondering what is wrong with you or how everything could be fine one day and all wrong the next. Avoid begging, pleading, scheming to get him back, dreaming of what might have been instead of accepting what is. You are still the same person you always were. He is not the determiner of your value as a human being.


The end of a relationship brings tears and sleepless nights, darkness and loneliness and fear. But hidden inside each of these experiences and emotions are seeds of healing. Today it feels like you've been punched in the face, a few weeks from now it may just feel like you've been punched in the stomach. A few months from now you will begin to fill the empty space he left in your life and heart. You will see the sun again, you will be able to smile again.


Spend time with friends, find others who may be hurting like you are and help them in any way you can. Reaching out to help others probably seems crazy when your own pain is so acute, but I find it incredibly healing.


He hasn't left you with nothing. You now have experience and understanding that you didn't have before (you may not be able to see that now, but hopefully in time). The best relationships consist of two healthy and whole people who are capable of standing on their own two feet, but enjoy having each other around. That's not how the romance novels talk about love, but that's what I've learned in my time on this planet.


Use this healing time as an opportunity to find yourself, to rebuild on a stronger foundation, and to discover inner strength you didn't know you had.

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Maybe it was too soon to be together for that long. Go no contact and block him. Do more stuff at school, with your friends, family and other interests, date other boys.

My boyfriend of 4 years has broke up with me.He suddenly wants to be single and I'm left feeling desperate. I relied on him for everything and I can't cope.
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Needinghelpnow, it's definitely a tough time. gebaird is right. Use this as an opportunity to find yourself. I'm going through this right now too and in 5 months since the breakup, I do feel an inner strength I didn't know I had. You just have to keep focusing on you and spend time with those who care for you--family, friends... Take care of yourself. I found art to be really therapeutic and I wasn't much of an artist but it's very soothing. And going to the gym!


I'm still working on this myself. It takes time and I'm trying to be patient to understand that. So know--it takes time! and thats okay. I'm right there with you hoping that he will come back someday.. But for now, all you can do is just do you best to make yourself the best version of you. You aren't alone!

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