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Any reconciliation stories after making classic mistakes post BU?


MUrmillo

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Hi all,

 

Six months ago I got dumped by the love of my life. This was the first time I ever got dumped and it came at a really really bad moment in my life (had some medical and personal issues). For the first 2 months I made every classic mistake in the book. Now that my medical (hormonal) issues seem te be gone I can see that my behavior was clearly influenced by my hormonal inbalance.

After 2 months I had enough of it. I wrote my ex a letter saying I was sorry for everything and a few other things and then I decided to disappear for a while. Surprisingly I got a response back where she said the letter made her cry because she thought it was beautiful how I had written everything and she told me she really appreciated it and that she would never judge me for how I had behaved in the last 2 months.

 

After that we have been in LC and I am still not over her....

 

 

 

I wonder,

 

Are there any success stories of people getting back together after making the classic mistakes for that long?

 

Thank you!

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Of course there are reconciliation stories. It happens. Will you able to get back together? No one knows.

 

She liked your letter. There's nothing peculiar, or encouraging about that. If you want to reconcile, you have to bring the subject up.

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What classic mistakes are you referring to?

 

 

Crying

Being depressed

Asking tons of questions such as 'but one month ago you said blabla' etc.

 

This was al via phone and/or text since she was in NY for an internship.

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Of course there are reconciliation stories. It happens. Will you able to get back together? No one knows.

 

She liked your letter. There's nothing peculiar, or encouraging about that. If you want to reconcile, you have to bring the subject up.

 

Bring it up? Wouldn't that undo my 'progess' in not bringing our break up for the last 4 months?

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I don't think breakups happen from mistakes per se... more like an evolution of incompatibilities and/or a devolution of romantic feelings. Has she ever mentioned wanting to reconcile, after this letter? Do you ever see each other in person?

Surprisingly I got a response back where she said the letter made her cry because she thought it was beautiful how I had written everything and she told me she really appreciated it and that she would never judge me for how I had behaved in the last 2 months.
Same girl?
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I don't think breakups happen from mistakes per se... more like an evolution of incompatibilities and/or a devolution of romantic feelings. Has she ever mentioned wanting to reconcile, after this letter? Do you ever see each other in person?Same girl?

 

My breakup was definitely one that could have been avoided....

 

I have not seen her afterwards because she was on the other side of the world and now is busy with, again, moving to another country (still in Europe though).

Originally she is from a Scandinavian country where people are a lot more closed when it comes to showing there emotions. I know her and even if she would want to get back together she would not directly tell me...

 

I know that if there will ever be a way back into her heart is has to be me who takes the initiative. The problem is that I don't know if I have already pushed her beyond the point of no return...

 

A few weeks ago I initiated contact and asked her if she would be open to having a phone call. She wanted to but said that she needed a bit more time and that after that we could call every once in a while. We talked a little (which actually was a nice conversation) and I found out she did not get the job in Germany so she had to move to the UK. I asked her if this meant we would never see each other again to which she replied that she will most likely at some point will come back to visit.

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The problem is that I don't know if I have already pushed her beyond the point of no return...

 

If you want her back, tell her that. She can choose how to respond.

 

A few weeks ago I initiated contact and asked her if she would be open to having a phone call. She wanted to but said that she needed a bit more time and that after that we could call every once in a while. We talked a little (which actually was a nice conversation) and I found out she did not get the job in Germany so she had to move to the UK. I asked her if this meant we would never see each other again to which she replied that she will most likely at some point will come back to visit.

 

I can see how these statements would give you hope, but they do not necessarily translate to getting back together. She may just not want to hurt you any more than she already has.

 

I would do what you can to win her back, but there may come a point (soon) where you will have to move on. Life's too short to wait for someone who might never come around.

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If you want her back, tell her that. She can choose how to respond.

 

 

 

I can see how these statements would give you hope, but they do not necessarily translate to getting back together. She may just not want to hurt you any more than she already has.

 

I would do what you can to win her back, but there may come a point (soon) where you will have to move on. Life's too short to wait for someone who might never come around.

 

 

Thank you for your response.

 

Oh those statements did not give me hope. It was were to give an ilustration of where my ex seems to be emotionally at.

 

I am already doing everything to get her back, would telling her that I want her back not hurt my chances?

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You are focusing on your behaviour after the break-up but that ISN'T what caused you to break up in the first place or what defined her decision to break up with you.

 

Do some people get back together? Sure they do. Will you? Who knows but if she has made no attempt to get back with you then it is safe to assume that she is happy with her decision. How you behaved post break up doesn't have anything to do with that.

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Bring it up? Wouldn't that undo my 'progess' in not bringing our break up for the last 4 months?

 

Be clear in what you want. If you want to reconcile, you have to say that. I'm not sure what you mean by progress. She dumped you. You behaved poorly. You apologized. She accepted. If you want to reconcile you have to steer the conversation that way. You don't have to beg, or try and make a case.

 

My fear is you're setting yourself up for another world of hurt. You start phone calls, you start communicating, you get your hopes up, and then when you get around to the subject, she migh to say no. And then you have to grieve again and go NC.

 

Put another way. She will either entertain the idea now, or she won't. If she won't I doubt there's anything you can say or do going forward that's going to change her mind. Find out now, and potentially save yourself a lot of pain.

 

Pain is what happen when we break up. Suffering is what happens when we don't move on.

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