Jump to content

How do you get over the worst kind of heartbreak? Need my confidence back!

Recommended Posts

I don't know where to begin. Basically my boyfriend of 1 year admitted to me he cheated on me in the 3rd month of our relationship with his ex girlfriend at a house party while I was away for a week on holiday with my parents (both of us are 27 years old). He only told me as I found messages on his phone from around this time to another girl (not the one he slept with) asking her to come over at 1am the night I arrived back from my holidays. I confronted him about these messages, and he told me he never did anything with her but he did have sex with another girl, his ex. His excuses were lengthy ranging from 'we didn't have the proper talk' , 'he thought i wasn't serious about him', 'hes insecure', 'his ex told him she still fancied him', 'he would never cheat in a serious relationship', 'he didn't know what we had' etc etc. He cried and he begged and he cried more. He honestly seemed like the perfect guy, and from day one we talked every day and every weekend we spent with each other, i even told him early on my last boyfriend cheated on me and in general he seemed really crazy about me and pursued me constantly...I just couldn't believe he could have slept with someone else literally 3 days after having me in his bed. It broke my heart!! Particularly when he lied to my face about it for so long, as there was several times where I asked him if he was with anyone else while dating me and he adamantly said no.


Its been 6 months since the break-up and I'm severely depressed. A lot has happened since then. He begged me back for 2 months asking me to marry him and he would never ever give up on trying to get me back but i always resisted. He was so remorseful and seemed genuinely distraught. Fast forward 3 more months we have been talking back and forth and his remorse-fullness seems to have diminished. I have been a confused emotional mess. It's ended up that he now doesn't love me anymore or have the same feelings for me, he's empty from all the drama, hes seen a 'different side' to me now and has walked away from me for good. I know he has manipulated me. But my irrational mind says I'm being punished for having the reaction I had, and that seeing me so upset makes me unattractive to him now, or I've just pushed him away too much. I don't know?? I feel so weak and pathetic to be so messed up in my head because of this whole thing and I have never in my life felt so low and worthless. Not to mention this has all happened in a period where I have lost my job and struggling to find a new one. I feel like there is no way out from all this pain and I feel so immensely alone. I'm barely surviving anymore. Does anyone have any advice on how to get over some betraying your trust? And how to build my self-esteem back up (as i honestly don't have any anymore)? I feel like I am permanently damaged as I truly loved him.

Link to comment

The easiest, fastest way to get over someone is by cutting contact right after the breakup. Also, think of it as you having dodged a bullet, because this guy was obviously a cheater - not only did he cheat on you with his ex, but he was also planning to cheat on you with that other girl. And that's only the ones you know about, who knows how many others there were?


What he did is unforgivable, and his tears were fake, crocodile tears. He was crying because he got caught and had to start all over finding another girlfriend, not because he hurt you.


As for your self esteem, all you need to understand is that his cheating ways have nothing to do with you, he cheated because he is a cheater, not because of anything you did or didn't do. He would have cheated (and will probably cheat) on anyone.


Force him out of your mind and heart, because you have much better things to fill them with than the memory of this jerk.

Link to comment

This guy is no good!!! He cheats on you with his ex and tries to come up with every excuse in the book... he is a master manipulator! Disgusting!


You need to stop talking to him now, nothing good is coming out of talking to him. In order to move on you need to let go of this relationship and move forward. It does not serve you and is holding you back from healing. You don't need this man.

Link to comment

Cheater and lier! You're lucky to be rid of him. He also sound extremely manipulative!


Is there any way that you can get therapy? Please do not ever make your happiness about another, because in the end, we can only make ourselves happy.


Block and go NC

Link to comment

Depressed about what? That you got rid of a cheater and didn't end up married and tied to that scum bag? Pull out the Champagne to celebrate that. Seriously, block him from all contact because he is doing a number brainwashing you and tearing you down. Understand that cheaters cheat because that's who they are. It's not about you. They will cheat on absolutely everyone who is unfortunate enough to get involved with them and are otherwise heartless master manipulators.


As for love, yes you will get over it as soon as you allow yourself to get angry and to see this guy for the low life that he is. Trust me when I say that no man, no relationship is worth destroying yourself for. Certainly not one with a cheating scum (my apologies to actual scum).

Link to comment

Thanks for all the replies. I whole heartedly agree with every comment and i know deep down i should have not even gave him a second look after he told me he slept with someone else. Now for the long process of healing, as he's severly messed with my head and messed me around. our whole 1 year relationship was built on a lie. its like grieving two different people, the person I thought he was and the person i dont even recognise. I seem to be in cuckoo land right now and constantly think of the good times where he was wonderful to me but i have to remind myself he is a compulsive liar. Im now considering moving city for a while as i need to clear my head and the memories in order to recover. Hopefully im able to find love again, if it even exists!

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...