The Wierdest thing just happened

[babo]

Been dating girlfirend for a little over the year now. She is about 25 and I'm 30. we don't live together and we see each other about2 3 times a week. I know she has some "immatureish" kind of behavior, like pouting when she is upset or being unreasonably jealous when I hang out with others but overall she is usually sweet and caring. HOWEVER, something just extremely weird and concerning just happened. Today she had car problems and i told her we can swap cars for the week since I don't drive too much. She asked me if i can drop it off to her by certain time before she goes to choir practice. I told her I can't because i was doing few things but we can swap later on that evening. She said no she will come and pick it up instead. So she comes over to the house and finds me in my suit outside my house (even though i was working from home that day, i dressed up becauseI had a quick business meeting). She asks why am in my suit, i inocently said i had a business meeting. She didn't say anything, then she asked to use the bathroom and she went in. Then came back out and she went home and that was that.

 

So that same night i was talking to her on the phone and she randomly asks what business meeting did you have? and kept on asking all these questions. Then i said I feel like I'm being interrogated and if this was a "hey how was your day, what did you do" type of questions I would have been happy to discuss with her but that because i feel like she has an ulterior motive i won't answer it anymore. then she kept on making these remarks (subtle passive aggressive comments that she usually makes) saying I'm all defensive etc. She just won't drop it. So Isaid you know what I'm tried of these immature outburst and she is way out of bounds and out of line with her questions and she respect boundaries. So she hangs up on me (never happens) and won't answer my calls.

 

I am SHOCKED at what is going on. Now I think of it she is somehow thinking I was with another woman. Mind you I have NEVER cheated on her (nor anyone I have ever been with), she pretty much knows about my whereabouts all the time, and if she calls, even today, i always answer. SoI have no idea where this came from a nd why she would think that. and now think of it, that innocent request to use my bathroom was to check if I have someone in there. I cannot believe how she acts like this out of nowhere and i really do not know how to approach it. I thought about explaining more but i don't know how you explain something you have no idea about and you did no do, plus this is coming of to me like a HUGE redflag and everything in me is telling me to run while I can. Can anyone tell me what is going on here?

[mustlovedogs]

I don't think what she's doing is immature? Or that weird?

 

Your reaction to her reaction is weird, IMO. She just asked you what meeting. If I was told you were going to be home all day and I showed up and you were in a SUIT, I would be surprised.

[LadyRayne]

What other questions did she ask and what where the passive aggressive things she said? It does feel like she's over reacted... Has she been cheated on in the past? Have you noticed any trust issues in the past... I dont think it's that weird if she has been damaged in the past but I can undertand it might be upsetting if you've never given her cause for concern in the past... If this is her insecurities showing I think she will probably apologies but you need to have a chat with her about this so it doesn't become a pattern in future if she's feeling insecure

[thornz]

She's no good at resolving conflict, 'passive aggressive', accusatory, jealous, immature and has now hung up on you and started to ignore you. Sound like she has either ended it or wants you to chase. Don't. She sounds like a pain in the *ss!

 

Did she take the car btw?

[Knot2loud]

No clue really. Immature? Probably. Insecure? Probably. Not much history to make a good determination. Is it a good relationship otherwise? I might be a bit wary of the jealousy issues if she has them. A business meeting is a business meeting. Maybe she doesn't understand that sometimes meetings are short notice.

 

I would just follow my gut on this.

[babo]

I don't think what she's doing is immature? Or that weird?

 

Your reaction to her reaction is weird, IMO. She just asked you what meeting. If I was told you were going to be home all day and I showed up and you were in a SUIT, I would be surprised.

 

Im saying she behaves in immature behavior at times and giving an example that a good numbers of time she pouts for days for minor issues. In any event. Also I have never said I will be home all day, just that I will be working from home. I also told her i'll be running errands. Plus, being surprised is one thing, becoming accusatory and continuing to do so even after I explained it is another.

[babo]

This whole thing seems like a deep issue that cannot be resolved to me. But I don't know.

[babo]

hings like "who was there", "I don't understand why you would have a meeting", "why didn't you tell me", etc. Quite frankly I was not going to answer any of those questions because of her tone and accusatory nature. I even started started answering some of it because just to make peace. But i realized that she is implying that I did cheat or something and I have never given her reason to do so so that is when I said what I said to her. She has had bad relationships before, but I do not know the details, for all i know she can be the cause. She does show jealousy tendencies like getting sometimes getting jealous and picking a fight about something unrelated when I hang out with others, which we talked about before. But never full blown accusations like this. That is is why it is weird to me because it came out of nowhere.

[babo]

yes she did and she still has it. By the way not even as much as a thank you when we swapped. She seemed a bit upset that I did not come to her job and swap with her.

[mustlovedogs]

I just don't get why you didn't answer her right away. I think most people get accusatory if they ask a simple question and don't get a simple answer.

 

"What meeting did you have?"

 

"Oh it was a big investor meeting. We were talking about [whatever] and I was making a presentation to [whoever]. It went well!"

 

That's not weird to me.

 

And, at least where I live, suits are worn very infrequently for work, so unless she sees you in a suit for work often, I think she's allowed to ask questions.

[baboor]

I just don't get why you didn't answer her right away. I think most people get accusatory if they ask a simple question and don't get a simple answer.

 

"What meeting did you have?"

 

"Oh it was a big investor meeting. We were talking about [whatever] and I was making a presentation to [whoever]. It went well!"

 

That's not weird to me.

 

And, at least where I live, suits are worn very infrequently for work, so unless she sees you in a suit for work often, I think she's allowed to ask questions.

 

I wear suit to work every day, which she knows. I didn't mind her asking, mind you this is after I dropped everything I was doing to come home to switch cars with her and this exchanged occurred in 1 minute or so outside while she was rushing and I didn't even go inside my house yet and was waiting for her outside because I didn't want her to be late and wanted to make the switch as quick as possible for her. I did answer her. My issue started when I realized this wasn't just how was your day question but an investigation as to who was there, why did we meet, etc as if she is basically saying I was lying and I was covering up something, which is why it's so bizarre to me. I have never given her any indication that I was being unfaithful nor have we had this issue before.

[Blue Ridge]

She sounds very insecure, but I didn't hear the conversation. The whole premise is illogical to me; who puts on a suit to have an affair? Since this obviously isn't over, when you next talk, just state what you have here: that you aren't cheating and never have. If she doesn't believe you, then tell her that you can't continue the relationship. If she does, ask what is it she is upset about. Be kind, but maintain good boundaries. As long as she is having a calm discussion, be comforting as you can. If she's being accusatory, ask for your keys.

[Wiseman2]

She's driving around in Your car as a favor to her and won't take your calls because she made some paranoid/jealous presumption about your being in a suit?

 

It's going to be a full-time headache with an insecure, possessive/jealous bratty demanding drama queen like this. I'm guessing she's hot/good in bed, that's why you keep putting up with this?

Then i said I feel like I'm being interrogated and you know what I'm tried of these immature outburst and she is way out of bounds and out of line with her questions and she respect boundaries. So she hangs up on me (never happens) and won't answer my calls. that innocent request to use my bathroom was to check if I have someone in there.

Same Girl?:

[baboor]

She sounds very insecure, but I didn't hear the conversation. The whole premise is illogical to me; who puts on a suit to have an affair? Since this obviously isn't over, when you next talk, just state what you have here: that you aren't cheating and never have. If she doesn't believe you, then tell her that you can't continue the relationship. If she does, ask what is it she is upset about. Be kind, but maintain good boundaries. As long as she is having a calm discussion, be comforting as you can. If she's being accusatory, ask for your keys.

 

Thank you this is helpful. It is incredibly frustrating trying to prove something that never happened, especially when it is not even on your mind to begin with. I did try to explain it but her responses are "surrrre", "huh uhh", "It's just wierd to me", kind of responses that basically says I'm lying. I think she had it convinced in her mind that I was with someone that day and she found out only because she she showed up when she normally doesn't. This whole thing sounds bizarre to me. If it is just a one time thing, it's probably not that bad. My concern is that this could be a major redflag for things to come.

[baboor]

@wiseman2 Yep same girl lol but in fairness to her, i am with her because she is otherwise great. these two issues are the only ones the come up and other than that she is usually sweet, caring, always looking to reflect and grow and we have great chemistry. I think her insecurities gets the best of her sometimes and I'm trying to walk the line of allowing her to grow and not being in an unhealthy relationship. But this one has really took me by suprise.

[Wiseman2]

Great chemistry explains a lot, however do you think her jealous rages will get better or worse?

and we have great chemistry.

[baboor]

Great chemistry explains a lot, however do you think her jealous rages will get better or worse?

 

I honestly don't know since it doesn't happen often. But the fact it happens is very alarming to me and I think it bleeds into other parts such as her feeling slighted and not feeling as desired if I for a moment i needed to prioritize a family member, work, or something ahead of her. I over look those things since none of us are perfect and im sure i also engage in behaviours she dont appreciate as well. but yesterday was so unreasonable it is seriously making me think about pulling the plug on this relationship.

[skytrain]

Hey there. Going to weigh in here. Major red flags here. Sounds like she has major insecurities and trust issues. Her logic doesn't sit right with me. She knows you dress in business attire for your work. You were aware she was coming over to pick up the car. Cheating on your part would be down right ridiculous and stupid. So, if I was in your shoes, I'd be pretty annoyed and offended.

 

Sounds like she was accusing you without saying it. She was definitely trying to nudge you into feeding her insecurity.

 

She may be very attention seeking and needs constant reassurance. If my partner ever questioned me like that I would be offended. There's a difference from asking calmly and rationally vs. accusatory.

 

I would sit down with her and ask her what she thinks you were up to. I don't blame you for not wanting to answer her questions. In the grand scheme of things it's very petty of her and a waste of time.

[thornz]

So she still has your car but is ignoring you? I would take my damn car and dump her *ss. How ungrateful and rude!

 

Honestly when you say there are good aspects to the relationship I can't see what could be left after all the negatives you mentioned.

[Wiseman2]

Agree...hard to tell if it is wanting all your attention...or the tip of the iceberg as far as serious red flags

I think it bleeds into other parts such as her feeling slighted and not feeling as desired if I for a moment i needed to prioritize a family member, work, or something ahead of her. but yesterday was so unreasonable it is seriously making me think about pulling the plug on this relationship.

[baboor]

So she still has your car but is ignoring you? I would take my damn car and dump her *ss. How ungrateful and rude!

 

Honestly when you say there are good aspects to the relationship I can't see what could be left after all the negatives you mentioned.

 

Well when I say ignore, it's right after she hung up I called and she didn't answer. That is the last time I called and we both haven't reached out since then. I have her car still and I'm waiting till i have a clear head to reach out because I'm still pissed off about this. The other things I mentioned is that she is supportive, very sweet otherwise to me and family, kind of nurturing and just over all someone who is kind and loveable. It's just like I said when sometimes this undesirable side of her comes out. It's not rare she acts this way but it's not often either, which is why I'm indecisive about all this.

[skytrain]

I would say talk to her about it. I don't know if she's the type of person to be self reflective and real with herself. But I would talk to her about this behaviour. Once you are calm. Say how you feel about it. Tell her how it made you feel

[baboor]

Thanks everyone, you helped me think clearly and assess this issue. As an update, long story short, we talked, apologies were made, expectations were communicated and we shall see if it materializes. I'm going to give it one last run and if there is no improvement, I decided to make my decision then. I really appreciate everyone's impute, I feel like I handled this in a mature healthy way and everyone's responses helped me get to that point. So thank you.