blueowl32 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Do guys mean that when they said so? The situation: We have been seeing each other for months and I hinted about wanting a relationship before, but he has been going really slowly, and doesn't like to put labels on things too soon without getting to know me. We were cuddling and he suddenly blurted 'be my girlfriend'. I thought he was kidding, so I did not respond to that and we continued cuddling. I made it clear that I would not have sex outside a relationship before, so I was not sure if he said that because he was horny at that time and wanted sex. He is not exactly a player but I heard guys can lie just to get into your pants. Any comments? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Timing is everything. If you want to be bf/gf say yes, not the silent treatment...not good communication. If you want to have sex have sex, if not don't.We were cuddling and he suddenly blurted 'be my girlfriend'. I thought he was kidding, so I did not respond to that and we continued cuddling. I made it clear that I would not have sex outside a relationship before, so I was not sure if he said that because he was horny at that time and wanted sex. Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 Timing is everything. If you want to be bf/gf say yes, not the silent treatment...not good communication. If you want to have sex have sex, if not don't. I guess I thought he was joking, and I didn't how to react, so I stayed silent and didn't think about it. Until suddenly it pops into my mind that he might have meant it. Link to comment
Blue Ridge Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Maybe next time you guys are having a cuddle, you can just blurt out, "Okay!" Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Maybe next time you guys are having a cuddle, you can just blurt out, "Okay!" I just spat my marley into the next street Just ask him ? None of us can say if he is saying it just to get your pants off , you know him as a person and his character .. you have said you wanted a relationship , he has finally asked , as you didn't answer he might embarrassed to ask you again ..so you are going to have to take the lead on this . Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Do guys mean that when they said so? The situation: We have been seeing each other for months and I hinted about wanting a relationship before, but he has been going really slowly, and doesn't like to put labels on things too soon without getting to know me. We were cuddling and he suddenly blurted 'be my girlfriend'. I thought he was kidding, so I did not respond to that and we continued cuddling. I made it clear that I would not have sex outside a relationship before, so I was not sure if he said that because he was horny at that time and wanted sex. He is not exactly a player but I heard guys can lie just to get into your pants. Any comments? Some guys lie to get into your pants. Some guys lie about their income. Some women cheat on their men, some people lie to become President. ,,,, and on and on it goes. There is always risk, use your best judgement. Link to comment
rayfutz Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 The question is "might me be lying to get into my pants?" Sure. Could be. So if you want to know, hold off on sex. I say for maybe a few weeks. That should tell you everything you need to know. When you see him next, smile and ask him something like "so you want to be my bf huh?" You could follow up with "what is it about me that makes you feel that way?" Basically, if all his answers about you and a future with you and having kids and white picket fence around your house together ... all comes down to the way you look, or you're sexy, you turn him on.. all the physical you, then I highly doubt he wants any more than a cute sidekick for sex. Like others will likely say, use your instincts, and ask questions. Otherwise you will never know, and we wont either, only you know this guy in the end Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Do guys mean that when they said so? The situation: We have been seeing each other for months and I hinted about wanting a relationship before, but he has been going really slowly, and doesn't like to put labels on things too soon without getting to know me. We were cuddling and he suddenly blurted 'be my girlfriend'. I thought he was kidding, so I did not respond to that and we continued cuddling. I made it clear that I would not have sex outside a relationship before, so I was not sure if he said that because he was horny at that time and wanted sex. He is not exactly a player but I heard guys can lie just to get into your pants. Any comments? You've been seeing each other for months.... I highly doubt if all he wanted was sex, he'd be hanging around that long. To the contrary he sounds like a saint.... most guys even if they DID want a RL with you, would have bailed by now. Just out of curiosity though, why haven't you had sex? What are you waiting for? Are you not attracted to him? I think you need to start letting your guard down. It's been months plus he told you "be my girlfriend." Not sure what more you need, but I would suggest you stop making the guy jump through hoops otherwise he may leave because of that! Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 I'm finding it difficult to think of a more direct way of asking someone to be your girlfriend than, well, asking them to be your girlfriend! I'm also wondering what this poor guy would have to do to get the message across if that one wasn't clear enough! Heck, you may have heard of guys telling lies just to get into your pants, but you've been with this one for months and he hasn't. He's told you he wants to get to know you slowly, and that's exactly what he's done. From the little you've told us here, he sounds sincere - and you need to reflect on HIM, not what you've heard about men who are nothing to do with him. If you want him to be your boyfriend, tell him so. And stop worrying! Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 I'm finding it difficult to think of a more direct way of asking someone to be your girlfriend than, well, asking them to be your girlfriend! I'm also wondering what this poor guy would have to do to get the message across if that one wasn't clear enough! Heck, you may have heard of guys telling lies just to get into your pants, but you've been with this one for months and he hasn't. He's told you he wants to get to know you slowly, and that's exactly what he's done. From the little you've told us here, he sounds sincere - and you need to reflect on HIM, not what you've heard about men who are nothing to do with him. If you want him to be your boyfriend, tell him so. And stop worrying! Around 2-3 week ago I asked if he was looking for a serious relationship, he was like no he doesn't know what he wants, making things formal is too much pressure.. He's always given me this impression that he doesn't and won't commit so soon. I have no idea why, I always get the idea that he isn't that into me. And I always say to him 'you don't like me' and would get upset when he seems cold, which he is. He is just different from the kind of guy I was used to. He doesn't send morning/ goodnight texts, never really called to have a phone convo. I just don't seem to be on his mind much during the week when we are not seeing each other. Perhaps I am high maintenance, but they say if a guy is into you, you know it. I don't feel it, which made me behave this way. But I haven't walked away, because I really like him. I just wish he liked me more. Hope someone can given me some help. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 How often do you see each other? Are you exclusive? I just don't seem to be on his mind much during the week when we are not seeing each other. Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 How often do you see each other? Are you exclusive? Once a week. He said he's only been seeing me and does not intend to date anyone else. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Sounds good. ok so if you want to be bf/gf then all systems are go.Once a week. He said he's only been seeing me and does not intend to date anyone else. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 You might find it useful to look at 'attachment styles'; it could just be the way he is. Here's a link to an article: / Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Perhaps I am high maintenance, but they say if a guy is into you, you know it. I don't feel it, which made me behave this way. But I haven't walked away, because I really like him. I just wish he liked me more. Hope someone can given me some help. So you don't think/feel he likes you, but you stay because you like him? This makes no sense to me. What possible benefit is there to staying in a RL with a man you don't feel likes you? And who causes you to feel badly about yourself and your RL? Relationships exist to make us feel GOOD... they should enhance our lives... not bring us down. Have you ever been in a RL that made you feel good and happy? If so, did you feel your then-boyfriend liked/loved you? What I am wondering is... whether your now-boyfriend doesn't like you .. OR if you are just a very insecure person who doesn't believe any man could like you. I don't ask this to make you feel bad, but it may be worth exploring. Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 So you don't think/feel he likes you, but you stay because you like him? This makes no sense to me. What possible benefit is there to staying in a RL with a man you don't feel likes you? And who causes you to feel badly about yourself and your RL? Relationships exist to make us feel GOOD... they should enhance our lives... not bring us down. Have you ever been in a RL that made you feel good and happy? If so, did you feel your then-boyfriend liked/loved you? What I am wondering is... whether your now-boyfriend doesn't like you .. OR if you are just a very insecure person who doesn't believe any man could like you. I don't ask this to make you feel bad, but it may be worth exploring. I stayed because I was hoping, if given enough time, and when allowed to develop organically, his feelings would become stronger for me and he would eventually 'fall in love', and would then do all those things which would convince me that he really likes me. And he's not quite there yet, for me. I have to admit though that I am an insecure person. But all the guys who pursued me before showed more effort, stayed in touch more and just made me felt that they really liked me. With this guy, maybe he's different (he said he is mature and not a phone person, but I believe if you like someone you would at least send her more texts), or maybe he takes time to develop feelings (which he said is true). I just don't feel he is THAT into me. Yes, he likes me, but the level is not high enough where I feel important. In fact, I never felt pursued by him. It was more a mutual thing and things have been developing really slowly, which is OK. I just hope that eventually he will become more affectionate. Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 You might find it useful to look at 'attachment styles'; it could just be the way he is. Here's a link to an article: ] Very helpful, thanks. He is a very independent person and a free spirit, and someone who does not need a relationship in his life. Maybe he is an avoidant. I have a (slightly) attached personality. Bad compatibility perhaps Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Very helpful, thanks. He is a very independent person and a free spirit, and someone who does not need a relationship in his life. Maybe he is an avoidant. I have a (slightly) attached personality. Bad compatibility perhaps Unfortunately, avoidants and anxiously attached people tend to be attracted to each other... but it doesn't make for a happy relationship. There's another link on that site (if you haven't read it already) which describes such a relationship. / Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 Unfortunately, avoidants and anxiously attached people tend to be attracted to each other... but it doesn't make for a happy relationship. There's another link on that site (if you haven't read it already) which describes such a relationship. ] I hit all ten signs of the Anxious. And he might be an Avoidant. This is bad news. Really great website though, thank you! Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 nutbrownhare, what should I do? Link to comment
superlala Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Around 2-3 week ago I asked if he was looking for a serious relationship, he was like no he doesn't know what he wants, making things formal is too much pressure.. He's always given me this impression that he doesn't and won't commit so soon. I have no idea why, I always get the idea that he isn't that into me. And I always say to him 'you don't like me' and would get upset when he seems cold, which he is. He is just different from the kind of guy I was used to. He doesn't send morning/ goodnight texts, never really called to have a phone convo. I just don't seem to be on his mind much during the week when we are not seeing each other. Perhaps I am high maintenance, but they say if a guy is into you, you know it. I don't feel it, which made me behave this way. But I haven't walked away, because I really like him. I just wish he liked me more. Hope someone can given me some help. You already have your answer. He said he doesn't know. He doesn't give you much attention. Does he take you out to dates? Does he care about how your day has been? Does he say he misses you? Why do you even try to push yourself to someone who isn't really into you? Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 You already have your answer. He said he doesn't know. He doesn't give you much attention. Does he take you out to dates? Does he care about how your day has been? Does he say he misses you? Why do you even try to push yourself to someone who isn't really into you? He said he doesn't know three weeks ago. Now he said 'be my gf'. He takes me out on dates. He cares about my day, but not every day. He remembers small things/ important events. He does not say he misses me. He says he is into me and he takes time to develop affection/ feelings. Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Share Posted March 6, 2017 Answer revealed: Months later I asked if he meant when he asked me to be his gf He said he vaguely remembers that and that he was just caught in the moment. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 Why don't you ask him to be your boyfriend? Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 I did. He said he is not ready for commitment, he doesn't think he is right for me, and that we are incompatible. Though he was adamant to stay in touch, time and time when I was trying to cut contact. He calls me a friend/ romantic hybrid, keeps emphasising he likes me and cares about me. He said things are not black and white, there are many grey areas. He said 'maybe not now, but later'. He also tries to find flaws in me or things I do. He is a typical avoidant, he said so himself. I really liked this guy. But I am fed up. I am just wondering if it is still possible to be friends with him, and be there for him. Link to comment
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