Boyfriend great in person but not when we're apart

[lovetolove]

Hi everyone, i need some advice.

 

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 and a half years. When we first met he was so loving and great, he was different to any man i had ever been with before. He used to text me constantly and be interested in my day and life and just generally be very loving.

Anyway two and a half years down the line, when were together and spending time with each other its great he is just as loving and caring as always we always have a great time and i love him dearly.

The problem i have is that when were apart, it feels as though im single. He texts me occasionally but nothing sweet. He used to text me before sleeping which i loved no matter if wed talked on the phone earlier that night just to say goodnight which i thought was very sweet. Recently he has begun to stop doing this and when we speak on the phone its normally slightly dry or just us talking about our days. Nothing sweet. I dont understand this. It feels like hes two different people one when hes with me and another when hes apart from me. It drives me crazy because i miss his sweet loving side when im apart from him. Currently im not seeing him for a week which i can handle. However in a few months time i will be going on placement abroad for a month and i am dreading this with the current state were in. Weve clearly left the honeymoon period. Im just asking for advice on what to expect. I feel like as grown adults i should stop waiting for sweet acts of kindness and sweet gestures but at the same time its something i love and i feel like my partner is just becoming lazy with me.

Has anyone got any advice on what to do or expect? I was going to stop texting him for a while too to see if hed notice.

 

Thank you all

[SherrySher]

Is there any considerations of maybe he has someone on the side when you're not around?

[lovetolove]

Is there any considerations of maybe he has someone on the side when you're not around?

 

I don't think so. He's been faithful to me and completely honest for 2 years. It's only every few months were apart for long periods of time. Before then he spends 2/3 days with me a week and if I need him he'd come to me.

[SherrySher]

It still seems odd that his feelings wane when you're not around. That to me is not normal and I would seriously question it.

Especially if he was loving and attentive before when you were not around.

[TheRawTruth]

Like you said, the honeymoon phase has passed. Most couples don't keep that stuff up for life. Even the HAPPY ones. Hell, my parents (well, my mom and my stepdad) have been married 20 years and I doubt they still send those types of texts. The point I'm making is...actually, let me put it another way.

 

After two and a half years, what is there to left to talk about on the phone, other than your day? You know everything about each other, you've probably discussed fantasies and fun stuff like that, so what do you expect from him? Do you want him to tell you how much he misses you and loves you? What are you looking for?

 

Now, your idea about not texting him for a while isn't bad. I'm sure he'd notice, but then what? Once he brought it to your attention, and you guys talked about it, THEN what? It still won't change the complacency in the relationship. In his mind, he sees you often, loves spending time with you, and has been with you for years. He probably doesn't feel like the goodnight texts and lengthy convos every night are important anymore. The fact is though, YOU DO! So, if you feel like you need a man who will never stop DOING those things, it may be time to consider a split, if it means that much to you. However, if the relationship ITSELF is more important than a couple of texts, then it's time to get your own hobbies instead of stressing about how many times a day you guys talk. He probably has other things to do. You should as well.

[SherrySher]

It is just my opinion and but not even 2 years into a relationship and he is not "trying" anymore..does not bode well. It would be different if you had been married for 10 years, but even then there are some men who will still make the efforts.

[charity]

Have you communicated any of this to him?

[itsallgrand]

I wouldn't go the passive aggressive route of not texting him and hoping for a change of behaviour that way. Talk to him. Face to face about this. Be to the point and make sure to tell him what you said here.

 

Is this relationship moving towards marriage and/ or living together any time soon?

[lovetolove]

I wouldn't go the passive aggressive route of not texting him and hoping for a change of behaviour that way. Talk to him. Face to face about this. Be to the point and make sure to tell him what you said here.

 

Is this relationship moving towards marriage and/ or living together any time soon?

 

Not soon, I'm still studying so waiting to finish. But we have talked about it, met each other's parents etc and being Asian that's a big thing lol. I feel like I'm having to remind him to do the things that he used to do that made me fall in love with him in the first place.

[greywolf]

When my husband and I were long distance, I never really got that emotional connection while we were apart. It was very difficult for me at first. I had been with a woman before that and when I had been with her, it didn't matter whether we were together or apart, the emotional connection was always there. I wonder if men just have a harder time connecting emotionally while they're apart.

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.