3 Months Post-Breakup

[dto811]

It is coming up on three months since the ex broke things off with me. To be honest I still have mixed feelings about everything (partially natural and partially my own doing). We were together for almost two years and living together for one.

 

The Good

• I am beginning to find myself again. Living alone isn't quite as tough as it was in the beginning.
  
• I have been hitting the gym frequently and getting into good shape.
  
• I am able to reflect on our relationship way more than I was able to in the relationship.
  
• I have been reading things to help me grow as a person and hopefully be able to be a better me in the future.
  
• Moved to a different city - away from the ex (which was living in the same complex as me). Landed a new job with lots of opportunity, better pay, nice perks.
  
• I haven't struggled much in the meet-new-women category.
  

 

The Bad

• I still think about her everyday.
  
• I still feel a sense of regret. Things I could've done differently, earlier in the relationship. She said we are different people and are not compatible (because we argued too much). I just don't feel that this is true. We agreed on every major topic (religion, politics, kids, you name it..) but would argue over petty things. In my mind this was mainly caused because we didn't have much space in the relationship. She also had anxiety issues which didn't help.
  
• Though I have had a fair amount of interest from other women, I just cant get interested in them. I don't think this is a problem with the women, but trouble with myself and moving forward.
  
• I still have love for her. I feel like we were meant to be together but outside forces split us apart. I realize this may be delusional, but its how I feel. She has done me wrong in many ways but somehow I can't quite shake it.
  

 

 

 

 

I feel like I would have been a lot further along in healing if I could've kept my distance but I allowed myself to get sucked back in. Everything from texts/calls, to ex sex, to casually hanging out... Eventually I distanced myself again (for my own sake) but dealt with ex drama (see previous threads). I guess I have no one to blame but myself.

 

If anyone has any words of wisdom or suggestions to further heal and move forward, I am all ears!

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like the good far outweighs the bad.

[dto811]

It sounds like the good far outweighs the bad.

 

I think it does but it still feels like I have a ways to go. I am happy some days and others I get down. I am ready for the day that I can enjoy life again and not have her (and the regrets) on my mind.

 

Also, the women thing kind of bothers me. I feel like there are a lot of potential opportunities for me currently, but I am having a tough time giving anything a shot. This is probably normal at this stage, but still.

[SportsGuru38]

What are your thoughts on potential reconciliation?

[Wile E Coyote]

I am happy to read all the good things on your post op. It gives me hope. Thank you much for sharing.

[dto811]

What are your thoughts on potential reconciliation?

 

A) I don't think she is coming back. She actually broke up with me once a couple months before this time. I had gone NC and she ended up coming around saying she wanted to work things out. I took her back and it wasn't long before I was dumped again.

 

B)I don't know how I could at this point. Obviously a part of me would like to get back together, but it would be tough to give her another chance (after being dumped twice)

[kbbcoop77]

No if she dumped you twice I'd forget it..just stay no contact and heal up, it has to be complete no contact to work though. Over time she'll fade away.

[Pisces72]

It seems to me that you are coming along wonderfully. You've removed yourself from the event (her), engaged in healthy independent activities, and are not relying on a crutch to fill any voids. Eg, Women, alcohol. I can even argue that every point in your bad list belongs in the good. What would have been the point in the relationship if you didn't feel bad that it was over? That would mean you just wasted your precious life and time on something you didn't even care about. You are doing all the right things.

[dto811]

It seems to me that you are coming along wonderfully. You've removed yourself from the event (her), engaged in healthy independent activities, and are not relying on a crutch to fill any voids. Eg, Women, alcohol. I can even argue that every point in your bad list belongs in the good. What would have been the point in the relationship if you didn't feel bad that it was over? That would mean you just wasted your precious life and time on something you didn't even care about. You are doing all the right things.

 

I'm definitely coming along. I just wish I could get rid of the coulda, woulda,, shoulda thoughts. We both saw a future together (for a good amount of time). After separating I have had time to reflect on things that hurt our relationship (from both sides) and I get the feeling that if I knew then what I know now, things would've turned out different.