Can we save what we have?

[littleone88]

Well here goes.. I have been with my boyfriend for around a year & a half now, we live together & generally we have had a good relationship besides the odd argument. Our big problems started around April time when I found out he was on the dating app Tinder & he was talking to other girls. When i first found out i was ready to call it a day, however we agreed to work it out & stay together. Since then i have struggled to trust him, i openly admit that i probably have been a bit of a nightmare but he didnt help himself as he would often lie about stupid things. Anyway fast forward to last week, we had a crappy week - i had just started a new job, he was being distant & we spent no real time together. I took his personally & we argued about it, he went on to tell me how boring i was & that he couldnt stand to be around me..etc etc.. he did apologise afterwards & we agreed to put a stop to the stupid arguments - i openly took some of the blame as i recognise that im not perfect. So yesterday i was on facebook & commented on a public picture which got a number of responses.. it was just a general comment about a computer game. Someone commented "marry me" & then my boyfriend asked to see the post - i knew he would kick off straight away so i reluctantly showed him - then when he had my phone he saw that the person had sent me a friend request! I didnt even know he had sent a friend request & i would of ignored it anyway. Sooo he then accuses me of flirting & throws a glass lamp at me. I tell him to get out & we both leave each other alone to calm down. As i have been in a violent relationship before i told him i wasnt having it so he tells me that hes going to leave & move down south. After a few hours & some time to think i try talk to him - i really didnt want him to just go, i love him alot & want to try & work out our problems - its ends up with me crying, begging him to stay pretty much - him calling me sneaky & bringing up the facebook post.. a big argument again & me getting frustrated at what he is saying cos i have been nothing but faithful to him. He goes to bed - i try to hug him & tell him i love him etc - god i bet i sounded pathetic! Do you think there is any hope for us at all? I really do love this guy & would be devastated if i lost him, we have such a good connection & so many plans for the future, when we are good; we are awesome.. but part of me realises that whats going on isnt right.. should i just let him go & am i stupid to try & fight for him?

[DancingFool]

Well every abusive relationship is really good when he is not beating you up.

 

He threw a glass lamp at you - you leave today. There is nothing to even think or debate about here. You have got to put an end to getting involved with violent men or at least if you do make that mistake, you've got to walk away the very second they show you violence.

[greta96]

This is not a relationship worth saving. You should have kicked him to the curb for good when you found him on Tinder! The moment the thought of making a Tinder profile entered his head, that's when your relationship ended. Taking him back after such a betrayal of trust was a big mistake, and now you are living with the consequences.

He is blaming you for 'cheating' because probably he is the one (still) cheating. It's typical, he is transferring his own disgusting actions and guilty feelings on you.

 

I don't know what's to save, the guy is already checked out of this relationship and on the prowl for new conquests. And although I understand not wanting to go through a breakup, I can't fathom why you would want to save a relationship that lacks trust, respect, loyalty and has become physically abusive to boot.

 

Give yourself a good shake and leave the clown, do you not feel you deserve better?

[Wiseman2]

He's flirting on tinder, you're flirting on fb. You get in jealous, abusive, violent arguments over it. But... you love him, so throw glass lamps with you is ok. And your main concern is how you can hang on to and continue to live with a cheating abuser?

 

So violent relationships are ok with you as they were before? You seem to thrive on drama violence and abuse so you are in the right relationship....again. live together. I found out he was on the dating app Tinder. he then accuses me of flirting & throws a glass lamp at me. i have been in a violent relationship before I really do love this guy & would be devastated if i lost him.

[Hollyj]

Why would you want to work things out when he was cheating on you? Why are you making excuses and taking on the blame for his behavior?

 

You sound like a woman in another emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Get away from this guy. You know the sign and what he's about!

 

Please call a hotline and get some therapy.