And it gets worse

[shortnsweet14]

On Friday, I posted a forum on here called "What do they get out of it" I was in a pretty awful and abusive relationship with someone who I thought was the love of my life. I came to learn over the weekend from one of his friends that he had cheated on me with a prostitute before Christmas and he has done it multiple times after that.

It's bad enough being emotionally, mentally and nearly physically abused, but to find out that I got cheated on was the straw that broke the camel's back.

This guy I dated, had a colourful history. Was a drug addict, went to jail and did a lot of bad .

I keep blaming myself for what happened because I chose to opened my heart to someone who just played a very good game. Told me I was his sold mate, loved me more than anything etc.

Now, I question everything. it's driving me insane. I don't trust anyone now let alone myself. The worst part is he would look right into my eyes and tell me that he would never cheat or hurt me that way.

I have learnt that he's back to his old ways, stealing, taking drugs, probably having sex and playing around. Even though I am no longer with this person, I feel like everyday I'm finding out how truly horrible he was. I'm still in love with him as much as I find him repulsive.

If I ever heal from this, how do I trust someone again after being so hurt, manipulated and lied to.

I have gone no contact with my ex. As stupid as this sounds, I want the day to come back where he comes back grovelling but I know deep down he doesn't care or even think about what he's done.

Just feel so lost...

[Hermes]

Shortnsweet. The advice given on your other thread holds good. No, you are not in love with him, but in love with an idea of what should have been. This is what you have to struggle with. And please get support in order to find yourself again, trust again and also why you got into this type of relationship

 

Anyhow, it might help to read this:

 

"The Mystery of Loving an Abuser".

 

 

 

 

Also,

What is trauma bonding?

 

Traumatic-bonding is an intense attachment to your abuser. It happens when you feel emotionally and physically dependent upon a dominant partner – who dishes out abuse and rewards so you believe that he’s all-powerful.

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[Lester]

"...how do I trust someone again after being so hurt, manipulated and lied to."

- It's not about other people, instead, learning from your experiences and not repeating the same mistakes.

[boltnrun]

How have you "learnt" that he is back to his old ways if you're in no contact? Are you checking his social media? Are you quizzing his friends about what he's up to? Or do you have some unhelpful friend giving you updates?

 

All of those things are NOT keeping no contact and they need to stop if you're ever going to get over this.

[gebaird]

This guy I dated, had a colourful history. Was a drug addict, went to jail and did a lot of bad.

 

You were probably hoping for a "reformed bad boy" fairytale ending. People can change, but it's easier to just fake it. I learned a similar lesson when I hired an employee with bad references. He had "a lot of personal problems," I was told. But I ignored the warning and hired him anyway, because I liked him. The guy disappeared for 3 days without once contacting me. I told him if it happened again I would fire him. It happened again. Turns out he was an alcoholic.

 

Sometimes good people get a bad rap, but in the case of your relationship the signs were all there. I'm sure there are good guys who go through the prison system and reform, but then there are guys like this one. I would steer clear of anyone with this kind of past in the future. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Also, you should probably get tested for STDs. Although it hurts right now, I think you'll look back on this someday and be glad the relationship went up in flames. The further you get from this guy, the better.

[Wiseman2]

This is actually good, that gut retching feeling that everything was a lie. Why? because it's the turning point of pain and healing.

 

The truth only hurts once...lies hurt repeatedly.

 

How to trust again? Most guys aren't sociopaths so the chances are you won't run into it again. Read up on what you were dealing with: I have learnt that he's back to his old ways, stealing, taking drugs, probably having sex and playing around. Even though I am no longer with this person, I feel like everyday I'm finding out how truly horrible he was. how do I trust someone again after being so hurt, manipulated and lied to.