Is he worth waiting for

[Joanne11]

I am 34 and my partner of 1yr is 38. We split up 4weeks ago, due to the fact I got ridiculously drunk and was very rude to him. In a nutshell, I was telling him to leave me alone in a very unfriendly way. The next day, he finished it, said he didn't like that side of me (never have i ever behaved in that way before). I apologised but he had made his decision. I had time to think why I behaved that way, and realised I had some unsolved issues with him. Only weeks before he was invited as my plus 1 to a wedding I was bridesmaid to, he not only was a no show, but also turned his phone off so I couldn't contact him for the evening. I forgave him after an apology, but clearly hadn't forgotten. Anyway, long story short. He has been back in contact, asked to see me a few times and acts like we are together (kissing. Holding hands) when I asked him what was happening, he said small steps. He likes there's no pressure and let's see how it goes. Does this guy want a relationship or is he just looking for friends with benefits? How should I behave to get him to want to put a title on things and move forward?

Thoughts... Joanne.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like things have been unraveling for a while. It does sound like a demotion to fbw because you broke up. As long as you do fwb it will stay there, not 'move forward'.

We split up 4weeks ago, due to the fact I got ridiculously drunk and was very rude to him. He likes there's no pressure and let's see how it goes. Does this guy want a relationship or is he just looking for friends with benefits?

[Joanne11]

Hi wise man, thank you for your response. So how do I move things forward? Do I keep the communication open, but steer away from any physical contact until he's ready to put a title on things, or cut him off completely (which won't be easy) I understand what you are saying, if we continue to "act" like a couple, whats going to click for him to think he needs to put a title on things.

[rayfutz]

As long as you do fwb it will stay there, not 'move forward'.

 

I totally agree. 1 year Joanne, you should have a pretty good idea if he is in it for the fwb thing based on what you have been through with him, what you have talked about with him; life, future goals, etc. It sounds like a sort of demotion as wiseman said, I mean its a pretty typical 'guy breaks up with girl, blocks her, then comes back around to take her hand in his and tell her he wants to take it slow'

 

Your questions is how to have him put a title on things and move forward? Thats a perfectly reasonable thing to ask of him. After 6-8 dates, and especially after a year..... and ESPECIALLY after a year with a breakup and get back together. So how to talk about that with him? Ask him straight up: what do you want out of the relationship? What do you see me as? How do you see us in 3 years from now? Etc. Get to the point, you deserve to know and at this point he can handle no fluff straight forward questions like that. If he cant, then that in itself is your sign

[Sportster2005]

You're asking the wrong people. Ask him. You have enough history, you should be able to have this talk.