Boyfriend is having dreams I'm cheating - why can't he trust me?

[wywh12]

Hi all, I'm new to the forum (I've just now signed up), so apologies if I go about things incorrectly.

I have been in a relationship for around 8 months now. Things are great, and he really loves and cares for me.

The problem is, he has trust issues. He keeps having dreams that I'm cheating on him - either with someone he doesn't know, or with someone I've been with before. We were really open at the start of the relationship about past sexual partners, so he knows names and so on. In hindsight, that was a bad idea. Anyway, there's one guy particularly and he had a dream I was sleeping with them. This has happened a few times, but today is particularly bad. He can't get the dream out of his head, and is being cold with me for it and leaving conversation because he can't speak to me due to it. I asked him and he claims he trusts me, but he said he can't get the image out of his head. When I said it was only a dream, he said no, it happened. I said no, you just had a dream. At that point, he said "you f*cked him, it happened" and left the conversation.

I know it's hard to think about anyone other than you being with your partner, as I hate the thought of it too. But it isn't fair to me that he's treating me like this when I have not and never would cheat, and I have blocked the person he dreamt about from all my social media a long time ago and will not even be seeing them in passing, let alone sleeping with them. I'm not an untrustworthy person, and I love and care for my partner with my whole heart. I just can't take the subtle accusations and the way he can't even speak to me due to a bad dream that was not my fault, and a past event that happened before I even knew him (and which I wish had never happened anyway).

Anyway, I guess my question is - What do I do at this point? Is it my fault?

Thanks in advance everyone x

[Hermes]

WYWH.

 

This man needs help, and you are not the one to provide it.

 

Move on. You don't need this sort of nonsense in your life.

 

Or.....he is making all this up because he is engaged in something shady himself, and is projecting.

[Moontiger]

There is a literally nothing you can do. As Hermes said, this man needs help. Please get away from this guy, behavior like this usually escalates into more extreme behavior.

 

I would send him one more message explain that while you care deeply about him you cannot and will not stay in a relationship where there is no trust. That he is taking his past out on you and using dreams to make wild accusations against you. And, until he gets help you cannot be in a relationship with him.

[Doc Blaze]

Google cheating dreams, it actually doesn't mean the person is cheating, it represents something within the dreamers own life.

 

 

and yeah he is not a good guy.

[Zaphod]

Dreams are simply the brain sorting itself out, mostly with random thoughts.

 

To atrribute meanings to them is about as silly as believing in astrology or similar. They shouldn't really be taken notice of.

 

Your problem here is he doesn't seem to be able to distinguish between dreams and reality, for some reason.

[pippy longstocking]

Tell him to get to get a grip of his crap or you are done ... He , in my opinion , will be throwing your past at you for the foreseeable future , he clearly can't deal with the past and he is seriously mixing the dreamworld up with the reality .

[Matt3939]

You did absolutely nothing wrong. It is him he needs help. There's not much you can do if he's not in touch with reality. It only gets worse.

Examples neighbor looks across the street. You are having an affair. Don't even know the persons name.

Hair in the house get out the magnifier u r bald and it's not mine. Who did u have in the house?

You have a mark on your back who scratched u. Couldn't be the 4hrs I spent with the backpack blower cleaning leaves.

U didn't text me for exactly 60 min you must be with a prostitute.

It's insaine. Plus he might be up to something himself that's what I eventually found out. Good luck don't waste your time to long.

[Hermes]

You are right on the money, Matt.

[melancholy123]

You said things are great. How do you figure that? Things are NOT great. This guy has a big problem and he needs help.

[Matt3939]

One more thing they might really believe that you cheated like it's really a fact to them. Then they get the rationalization that oh you do it so can I. That was the scariest thing I ever dealt with. It gets so frustrating cause you know you did nothing wrong or would ever. If you could only prove it to them cause you want them not to feel this way. I'll tell you it's impossible. It's heart breaking I know. He was probably able to keep his insecuritis under control in the beginning of the relationship and those times were probably great. I'm sure though there were hints here and there. Specially if it's only been 8 months.

[Goodfellas]

This is bad news as this type of thinking is maladaptive and requires therapy. Thanks to some of the people on eNA, I learned this much about a recent fling I had who was convince I was cheating on her despite no indication I was.

 

I'm just going to leave this here

[Sarahjb]

Hes used to you and he is comfortable with you. He wants the comfort of having you there to hold his hand while he moves on without commiting so he can look for more girls and as soon as he finds one he likes he won't think twice about dropping you. He doesn't want to go into the big bad world all on his own being single and having nobody there. He wants you there until he finds your replacement and he may say things to string you along to keep you there. Let me make somthing clear when somebody really wants you they won't be vague about it... there will be no mixed signals you will just know that they want you because they will make it clear to you anything else is just stringing you along. Let him know ow you respect yourself and you won't accept this. Go full no contact and let him deal with the pain of the end of a relationship instead of making things easier for him

[Sarahjb]

Sorry everybody ignore my last comment that was supposed to be posted on a different form I don't know how I got here

[BlarneyStone]

For the record, never, ever share your past like that again. It's not harmless to everyone.

[reinventmyself]

I can't help but think it's possible he makes up the fact that he's having these bad dreams as a tool to use against you to keep you in line. You buy into it and it works because you're feeling bad or guilty. The thing is you've done nothing wrong.

His insecurities run deep and it's his job to deal with them, not yours. This isn't something that is magically going to go away and I suspect will just escalate.

You'll try to be the good girlfriend and show him what real love and commitment looks like and he'll just keep raising the bar.

I'd leave now, rather than later.

Trust me, I've been there.

[awmd]

Some people you need to be blunt with. Most people actually as it gets your point across clear.

Tell him that - you aren't cheating on him. It was a dream, get over it. If you can't get over it this relationship will go nowhere and we can end it now.

Don't try to defend what you did in his dream. His feelings are that of a 5 year old who woke up during a bad dream and is afraid to go back to bed.