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Abused and Confused


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So... Here's my situation (it's a bit long). I'm 21 years old and I have been with my 23 year old boyfriend for 2 years. I met him my freshman year of college and we have been together ever since . This past year has been hell for us. It all started when he became a male stripper. Yes, I allowed him to strip (STUPID I KNOW) But because he was a full time student and had no money to help him through college. His school schedule made it hard for him to maintain a job and good grades so he came up with stripping. I was fine with it because I too have been stripping on and off since 18 so I saw no problem with it not only because I understood the industry but because I trusted him enough to feel that he was there just to make money and leave. (I was wrong). I supported him, he wanted me at every show. Everything was fine until... My car transmission failed and I was unable to make his shows. I would find a way there some times by borrowing my moms car or calling a friend. It was only 2 months into his dancing career and he started acting mean and irritated towards me. He would not return my calls or when he answered he would always have to call me back and that would be hours later. My intuition told me that he was doing something behind my back so I logged into his Facebook (Ive always had his password) so I log in and I see a older woman constantly messaging him and pictures they took together at their house . I found out that he was spending nights over there every other day. I was FURIOUS! I found out a week before valentines day. I wanted to explode but I waited to see him person. I ended up approaching him about it that Friday before Valentines day, I had it made up in my mind that I was done with him because he betrayed my trust . he explained that he only was entertaining her because she was giving him money for his company which he was going to use some of the money towards the big tests he had to pay for in school and use the rest to get a

Engagement ring. They did not havevsex , just spent a lot of time together. I was so hurt, I asked for space but he wouldn't let me get that so we tried to work it out. Some days it would feel as though I could get past it and other days I would hate him and resent him. I found myself being mean towards him and I would get so wrapped in my emotions that I would fight him. I tried to tell him to leave and I need time but he wouldn't let me go. So I stayed and hoped I would heal. It got worse and we would fight physically. It has been 6 months and since then he has hit me 4 times the first time it was a reflex from me hitting him the other times were because I say something he doesn't like. He has punched me and recently he raised his fist at me because I wouldn't stop crying . Now he constantly talks about going back to stripping and he says I can trust him. He knows it doesn't make me comfortable and I'm still hurt but every time I express that to him he get upset and tells me to get out my feelings its just fun and for the money. Im not sure how to feel about him because although I did start to hit first, I stopped hitting him and now he attempts to hit me even if I haven't hit him first. I can't help but to feel I started this and created this monster but I'm hurt and even if I did g

Hit him , he is 10x stronger than me and can hurt me. He always says I deserve it because of what I say and what I say makes him feel unloved. He promises he won't do it again but it continues .I know I say things but so does he. As of right now we live together and I have nowhere to go, I am planning to get away from him but I can't help but to Blame myself and I still love him . I know he is a good guy but I don't feel I can trust him and i honestly dont feel he loves me because he is constantly running back to what broke us in the first place. I believe he is turning abusive towards me. My self esstem is really low, I don't feel loved, I feel scared that one day he will really hurt me. I love him I really do I just want everything to be repaired. I'm so broken and confused .

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The moment you hit him, you set the tone for violence. If it was abuse because he hit you first, it was abuse when you did the same. A smaller man who decided to start a fight with him wouldn't get much sympathy, so I see no reason you should simply for being a woman. If he's 10x stronger than you, that's even more reason not to strike him. Just because he has more muscle doesn't mean he's one those clown bop bags to push or hit.


I'm not defending him, especially for his escorting behind your back (if not full on cheating). You were well within your rights to feel betrayed and leave.


As said above, this isn't love.

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Read up on dating violence and abusive relationships. Why are you in this? Aren't there any decent non violent guys on campus to date? You need to clean up your act and get therapy as well.


This won't end well. There will be cops and hospital visits and arrests if you two keep it up.

It all started when he became a male stripper. I too have been stripping on and off since 18. It got worse and we would fight physically. he has hit me 4 times. I did start to hit first, I stopped hitting him and now he attempts to hit me even if I haven't hit him first. He always says I deserve it because of what I say
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