Yes, it does happen sometimes

[Cadycady]

Nearly 6 months ago my ex broke up with me suddenly without warning. For about three weeks after that, we had a very testy was back-and-forth until I called a halt and went no contact. That lasted about three weeks before we went to low contact and stay in that vein for about a month before he asked if we could become friends. I resisted that but we continue to become friendlier. We have a lot of mutual friends so it wasn't like we could avoid each other. Still, we managed to not run into each other. He ran into my friends and every time he saw them, he would bring me up and make it clear that he missed me and that he regretted what he had done. They of course reported back to me on that which made me feel better.

 

About a month ago, right before I went on a vacation, we hung out for a while and talk through some things and started to get on a better page. We stayed in contact over the last month and then two weeks ago, he came to a party being held by mutual friend. We ended up hanging out together all night and of course, at the end of the night went home together. Since then, we have been working through all of our issues and, last night, decided to officially start seeing each other, taking it one day at a time. He says he really loves me and regrets what he did but he's in a better place and wants to make things work for our future. I love him too so we are working on things one step at a time.

 

We are not officially back together but, we are working towards that. The time apart enabled us both to work on our own things and get back to the people that we were when we first met. We did the work that we both needed to do and now, we're actually communicating much better than we did before and being very honest about what it is we want and don't want. It feels a lot healthier and I think the time apart was what we needed. I cannot say that we're going to stay together forever because, no one can say that, and, we still have things to work through.

 

But, I must stress that if we had not gone no contact and if I had not made a concerted effort to spend time with my friends, my family, concentrate on my job and get healthier, we would not be at this place. We had both changed in ways that were not good towards the end of our relationship and we both had things to work on. We've done that and that is the reason why I think we even have a chance. No contact is not to get your boyfriend back. It really is to get yourself back. When he came back, I was at a point where I was absolutely fine without him.

[jasminemarie7]

Do you think there is a time limit for no contact...let's say you were broken up for a 5 weeks(today) and he hasn't made an attempt to contact you after dating for 8 years and he ended it. Then what? Can you still hold on to hope or is it just false hope?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you get along better as friends with benefits than live in lovers. Do you think it had more to with compatibility issues?

We ended up hanging out together all night and of course, at the end of the night went home together. Since then, we have been working through all of our issues and, last night, decided to officially start seeing each other, taking it one day at a time.

[Cadycady]

Do you think there is a time limit for no contact...let's say you were broken up for a 5 weeks(today) and he hasn't made an attempt to contact you after dating for 8 years and he ended it. Then what? Can you still hold on to hope or is it just false hope?

 

You can't say either way. When we were not talking, I acceoted that it was over. This was even though there was a part of me that knew that he still loved me and there was hope. Holding onto hope does not allow you to heal enough to move past things. Many times when I was in no contact and low contact, I read on here people saying that the important thing is to not get in touch with your ex unless you are prepared for the response to be negative. Right now, while I am hopeful that we're going to work things out, I also know beyond any doubt that I will be fine if we do not. I did not even attempt this until I was confident that I could be without him without the chance I would fall apart if we don't. If that is not the case with you, then I do not recommend contacting him or even considering that there is hope. That simply just gets in your way.

[Cadycady]

It sounds like you get along better as friends with benefits than live in lovers. Do you think it had more to with compatibility issues?

 

Living together for us oddly made this relationship possible. Our schedules are so very different because of our jobs that otherwise, we never would've made it to this point. We would've broken up within weeks after we first met. But, in some ways, we put the cart before the horse and we both realize that. I cannot stress enough how much love we have between us and it isn't friends with benefits now. We are just going slowly and working on our issues. We expressly are not dating anyone else and are making each other a priority. But, we are both continuing to focus on things in our own lives that we want to focus upon, such as our jobs and our friends and we're not going to do the disappear into our own world thing again. Basically, we're trying to be healthy this time around.

[gebaird]

It's counter-intuitive, but this idea is at the heart of a good relationship:

 

When he came back, I was at a point where I was absolutely fine without him.

 

Knowing that you can walk away, but choosing to stay anyway, prevents the extremes of codependence and independence. It allows you to find the sweet spot of interdependence.

 

Good luck as you move forward! If old/bad habits start to return, nip those things in the bud.