Having a hard time coping with everything that has happened.

[coolgirl]

So I suffer from depression and diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder for about 11 years now. I've been seeking treatment for quite sometime and 2 years ago found a great therapist worked with me for 4 years until I got back to my old self. 2 years later I started relapsing.

 

She no longer does therapy and had gotten so frustrated going from 1 doctor to another from 1 medication to another the experience was horrible felt like I was at a dead end. And I just wanted to get better. Medications were sinking me into more depression so I got off them and 5 weeks ago I admitted myself to the hospital for nervous break down.

 

At the same time a year ago became really good friends with a man that is long distance and because our friendship was new I didn't tell him from what I suffer from. I didn't want to scare him off. A month after I told him my feelings towards him, but never got anywhere good with it so I decided to stay friends with him after all cause I thought he was a decent man. Long story short he admitted to me 3 months ago that he does have feelings for me, does like me and does love me.

 

Our friendship was not that stable to begin with because he's not a stable in his own life right now. It gotten to a point where his unstable Ness

Put a big damp on everything. I do care about him. A month ago I told him the truth and has not spoken to me 5 weeks now.

 

I know I should had I just didn't want to loose something good in the beginning. As hard as it was for me, telling him it took me alot of guts to do it. I could had chosen not too, he would had never find out. But I did. Instead of trying to show some type of support he turned his back against me for the 4th time around. I was really hurt. This isn't his first time leaving on me like this and coming back into my life 2 months after it has happened before.

 

I'm shaken up, really having a hard time coping with this, I thought if you tell your so the truth that they will stick around and help you through the good and rough time. From him none what so ever. I really loved him from the inch of my being and so hurt full that someone you really love and care about would turn there back against you and walk away as if you didn't exist in their life. And now I'm in a tough place in my life right now going to group therapy and dealing with this type of situation again and being left heart broken for the 4th time around.

 

I didn't do anything wrong, other than trying to show support from my end letting him know I'm there for him through his rough time and this is the treatment I get. I tried to explain to him he just didn't want to hear it. I'm so angry, hurt, dissapointed, frustrated. And so much more. And now has not spoken to me in 5 weeks. I'm in my late 30s him in late 40s. Yes, I am seeking treatmeant, I just got my meds adjusted. I am in group therapy.i just know that I don't know how I feel about him anymore. When I got out of the hospital I did email him once asking him where do we stand nothing. No reply no nothing. I guess I got my answer as far as him not wanting anything to do with me. And here I am left into pieces and shattered and dealing with things on my own . Thanks in advanced to anyone who's reading this.

[gebaird]

This is what stood out to me in your message:

 

I didn't do anything wrong

 

Remember that the decisions others make is no reflection on you -- it's a reflection on them. Rejection is hard, but it's better for it to happen now than when you are more entangled later. Keep working through your personal challenges and look for someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like he just couldn't deal with things, particularly the propensity to go off meds and constantly need hospitalizations as a result. He may feel you need more therapeutic help right now rather than a relationship.

Medications were sinking me into more depression so I got off them and 5 weeks ago I admitted myself to the hospital for nervous break down. he admitted to me 3 months ago A month ago I told him the truth and has not spoken to me 5 weeks now.

[catfeeder]

The guy was long distance and not stable himself. Whether he chose this outcome or whether it just continued to play out until it fell apart on its own, it already had an expiration date--regardless of your condition.

 

The fact that you want to form a good relationship with someone is your motivation for continuing to seek help until you find the right combination. It was never all in one therapist's hands. So examine that belief, and recognize that even the best therapist in the world can't live out our lives for us. Healing is an inside job. All the rest is external and only as relevant as we decide to make it. This is liberating to grasp, because externals are temporary distractions--and while others can help us to certain degrees, we are not dependent on anyone else to heal us.

 

Head high, and write more if it helps.