My Story - Together for 6 years

[jonpeters]

Hello,

 

I have been reading through enotalone for a few days, looking over different threads about breakup up. I thought it was about time I wrote my story and where I am up to now:

 

Key Points

Together with my ex-girlfriend for 6 years

She broke-up with me

We broke up on 26th June 2016 (approx 7 weeks upon posting this)

 

Background

Me and my ex met 6 years ago, she worked in a bar I freqently drank in with friends and alone. Over a few months of drinking in the bar we would make small talk etc. One day when I was with a friend he knew I liked her and invited her to sit with us when she finished her shift. From then on we dated for a couple months until we were officially together.

 

Things were amazing, as they always are at the start, she ended up moving into accomodation provided by the company she worked with so I would requently stay with her every other night, we became close very quickly and it seemed nothing could break up apart. After a couple years of being together she was struggling in her job and decided she wanted to leave, leaving mean't she would also lose her home so we moved in together. We were over the honeymoon period by this stage but we had a strong relationship.

 

It got to around 12 months ago and I noticed us both drifting away a bit, she would spend more time seeing her friends on a weekend and so would I, the more that happened the worse it got. Neither of us did a lot about it (she probably tried harder than me). Eventually in October 2015 she told me she thought that we should breakup, we didn't talk for a couple weeks, but still lived in the same house. That sort of just blew over with no real resolution, we didn't talk much about how we could make things better. Because we didn't attempt to resolve we basically just went back to exactly how it had been before, not spending enough quality time together.

 

On 26th June 2016 (7 weeks ago at the time of writing this) she told me she things we should breakup. From that point things moved very quickly!

 

The Breakup

I was in a bit of shock when she told me (although I knew things were not right), I spent the first week angry, we didn't talk, she slept on the sofa. After a week had passed we began to talk, not a lot but she said she was looking for somewhere else to live, I said that was a good idea and I would give notice that we want to leave our house and I would also find somewhere to live and move out. Things were moving on very quickly! It has only been 2 weeks.

 

It got to around the 4th week, she was days from moving into her new place and then it hit me... I didn't want this to end... I sudenly realised all the mistakes I had made, I began getting emotional in front of her and telling her I didn't want her to leave. She was very nice about it with me. She said she still believes we can be good friends, she got emotional as well and she simply said this needed to happen.

 

She moved out 3 weeks ago. I then move out into my new place 1 week ago.

 

Reasons for breaking up

I asked her several times for the reasons she felt the need to breakup, eventually I am confident that I have the full reasons:

- She believes we always want to do different things

- She didn't feel loved (I go into more detail about this below)

- She felt she was young when we got together

 

MY PERSONAL ISSUE

 

For my entire early adulthood life I have had a problem... Not just in romantic relationships but with anybody who means anything to me. I cannot show emotion or love. It drives me around the bend. For our entire 6 year relationship I know I did not show my ex-girlfriend enough love. It's taken this breakup for me to finally do something about it, I am seeing a therapist which is helping MASSIVLY. Already I've been able to open up to friends (not quite family yet, but working on that) and all my friends cannot believe it. They now know about how much this issue held me back with so many things in life.

 

I put this issue I have down to many of the causes of our breakup (don't get me wrong she wasn't perfect either) but I honestly believe based on her reasons for wanting to breakup this was the main cause.

 

Two days before she moved out I opened up to her, it was like a seal breaking, I literally told her everything about this issue.

 

What Next?

I am currently in No Contact with her (I've not told her), inevitably we had to talk at the start as we lived together and had to work out the logistics of moving out. I beleive this was a good thing though, we spoke a lot about the problems that caused the breakup and when she moved out, we were on very good terms. No arugeing. It has been complete No Contact for just over one week now.

 

Honestly - I have hope that further down the line we may be able to sort this out. Over the past week I have realised that I do need to move on, get over the breakup in the hope that we can begin contact again and see how it goes, the worst thing... not knowing how she feels...

 

Our relationship, under the negative points above, was very strong. We had a very strong bond and went though a lot together in the 6 years we were a couple.

 

She is addiment that she wants to remain friends, she's told me, she's told our mutual friends that she does not want to lose contact. During the breakup she even told me things like she could see us living together in the future (as friends). That says to me she doesn't want me out of her life completely...

 

I've missed a lot out but I've tried to make it indepth and short.

 

I'm keen for any advice? Thoughts on what you think?

[SherrySher]

It's good that you got help with personal issues but when someone moves out, it is over. Reversing back doesn't seem to ever work. She wants to move on with her life now but wants you as a friend. That being said, it's time you had some acceptance and let this go and heal yourself now too.

[reinventmyself]

I commend for your efforts to change, your insights and taking on therapy.

She only knows you one way and that one way worked for 6 years or you two wouldn't have lasted that long. It worked for her or she wouldn't have stayed.

 

Times like this send you into massive transition. After all is said and done you two will likely not be compatible either way. My ex h often thinks he wants me back, but he

wouldn't be able tolerate me now, now that I have grown up.

Continue working on yourself but do it for yourself.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like the relationship was stagnating and turning into roommates with benefits, and she's been trying to tell you/breakup for quite a while. Did she want to marry/have kids?

 

She doesn't have to stay in an unfulfilling relationship that is just coasting along. Stay no contact and block, are you interested in the friendzone?

in October 2015 she told me she thought that we should breakup

- She believes we always want to do different things

- She didn't feel loved (I go into more detail about this below)

- She felt she was young when we got together

[jonpeters]

Unfortunately it sounds like the relationship was stagnating and turning into roommates with benefits, and she's been trying to tell you/breakup for quite a while. Did she want to marry/have kids?

 

She doesn't have to stay in an unfulfilling relationship that is just coasting along. Stay no contact and block, are you interested in the friendzone?

 

There was no talk of her wanting to marry or have kids no. Although see likely thought about this we were both too young to consider that. I am currently 26 and she is 24.

 

In regards to the friends thing, I wouldn't say I'm opposed to it however it's too early to say for sure having only been broken up for a couple months. I would say however that during the time we were still living together but seperated we talked like friends, we still spoke about everything friends would have we helped each other moving out.

[Blue Ridge]

She is addiment that she wants to remain friends, she's told me, she's told our mutual friends that she does not want to lose contact. During the breakup she even told me things like she could see us living together in the future (as friends). That says to me she doesn't want me out of her life completely...

[/b]

 

That's known as letting you down easy. Could you really be roommates with someone you are in love with when they start seeing someone else? Continue no contact, and keep working on yourself. I know how painful it is to be broken up with when you have invested so much time with the person. But better days are on the horizon, know that.