I am the architect of my own destruction

[imissyouSSNGBF]

I am so low

 

I have lost everything

 

I never had a happy life, infact I think I was delusional and now im sinking so low that I feel so lost

 

I had few friends and the ones I did have - I lashed out at

 

They are all gone now except for a few of those that have took pity on me

 

However, they live 500 miles away from me

 

I ran away at the age of 27 and started hanging out with new people which was exciting and fun

 

At the age of 28 I even met my first ever bf

 

With total belief I thought I could better

 

This beautiful man. Kind, focused and who had a plethora of friends

 

I belittled him and even spat in his face

 

He's gone now - and I don't blame him. However, now he has broken mg delusion

 

I keep comparing my fed up life (which I caused against his)

 

I am an alcoholic who always had hope that things would get better

 

Now at 30 I'm in a city - totally alone and about to loss my job

 

I want to move home but I'll be moving back to nothing

 

I am nothing but I want to change

 

I feel so unfulfilled and this is because no friend has asked me on a proper holiday, a wedding or birthday

 

I have wasted my life - has anyone ever managed to totally restart at 30?

 

I don't deserve another chance but I must go on - to atone my sinful ways

 

I've been like this for to long and don't know how to change any more

 

Please someone save me from myself

[Wiseman2]

Go to the nearest AA meeting and get started turning your life around rather than drowning in self-pity and alcohol. What is an 'broken mg delusion'?

he has broken mg delusion. I am an alcoholic who always had hope that things would get better,I am nothing but I want to change

[imissyouSSNGBF]

Apologies - him leaving me has made me realise the bad life I have led.

 

It was meant to say broken my delusion

[ThatwasThen]

My dear: There is an AA meeting where ever you are. Seek one out and use the facilities and resources they will direct your way to help you to be the best you that you can be. You're young and if you learn to love yourself, you will have many years ahead of you that are rewarding and joyful.

 

Maybe if AA isn't for you the programme in the link below will motivate you to do something for yourself.

 

 

[Blue Ridge]

30 meetings in the next 30 days. Only you can right your ship. 30 is very young! Many don't stop/turn their life around until after 50.

[AbstractSoul]

Once you hit bottom there is only one place you can go. But its up to you to get there, it's a simple choice but a hard road. If you want change you have to truly desire it for yourself to grow as a person and take those steps necessary to get there. Only time can heal old wounds, but you have to give time, time to work. Be strong, dig deep, realize what you want for yourself and do what you can to make it happen, even baby steps forward is better than always looking behind you suffering in the past mistakes. Believe in yourself, and never give up, the possibilities will eventually become a reality you may begin to see. Teaching yourself to live again is one of the hardest things to do, you are not alone we all have made mistakes and nobody is perfect. When you are ready you can forgive yourself and truly move forward in the right direction. Good luck friend