Thoughts, Insight on 30 Dating 22?

[Goodfellas]

Is that 8-year age gap alarming? I've had a fling with this girl in the past but couldn't get passed the eight year differential. Now, after dating around my own age, I'm starting to see how awesome she is but I'm still hung up on the age. If it were 50 to 42 the age gap would feel less pronounced as, at 22, I feel as though she still has so much to learn.

 

So, simple question: what are your immediate thoughts of a 30 year old dating a 22 year old?

 

Grazie, eNA.

[hernameisshay]

I guess my thoughts are biased because I've always had a thing for older men, but that gap doesn't alarm me at all. You're both adults, what's so scary?

[Lightjocj]

There was a 12 yr gap with me and my ex..39 28...yes there can be issues. The way you both were brought up can play a big role in it. Money, life goals,values, politics, jobs ect. But, its not a relationship killer. I know some people who at 22 or 28 act and are as mature as a 40 yr old. I also know some 40 yr olds that act like there 20 lol. So it all depends. For me my ex is still in the party time phase. Iv done all that already. I suppose if you both respect eachother and understand that at times you both need space and trust eachother it can work. But there might be issues that cause friction down the line. Keep in mind you may have more wisdom under your belt, and even though you may try to be a good partner and look out for them they may take that as controlling. Pulling them threw life to catch up to you doenst always work, for them to truly understand they have to live threw it and learn, you can still be supportive though, but im thinking you will be the one who need to have more patience. Your heart doesnt care about the age, but your mind is putting up a red flag. I guess you just have to find a happy medium ground. Yes it can work,,it works everyday with people. But its very possible that the been there done that on your end will cause some issues with you both..take it slow, i wouldnt put to much pressure on them either. Date and feel it out, try different things,,go different places and see what happens.

[Heather Dawn]

Depends. In the grand scheme of things, especially down the line, eight years isn't a huge deal. But at 30 and 22, you may be at very different stages of life. Guess only you can answer that!

[Hermes]

OP.

 

An eight year gap is nothing!

[Goodfellas]

Hanging out with her is just so effortless. It never feels like "work" or a chore. She's far more mature than my most recent 30 year old tryst or 32 year old head-case or the 27 year old who couldn't stop gossiping and watching the Kardashians!

 

My concern is you learn (at least I did) so much about yourself in your 20s. She may change significantly by 28–30 and I'm already there. Also, I'm in my career of choice and carving a nice niche out for myself in the field while she's still with ma and pa and switching majors in September. I'm really torn here....

[LadyRayne]

I think you're over thinking it.. If she is mature and you get along well stop thinking too far ahead. If you are worried that she will change and leave you... Then understand anyone can change and leave.. I am in an age gap relationship and 8 years is really not that much.. I think it has much more to do with personality than numbers... Yes experience does change people but who said change is a bad thing?

[Hermes]

Fully agree LadyRayne.

 

Goodfella. Quit futurising lol. And....everyone is different.

Sure, she may change significantly. Are you thinking a change for the worst? Or she may go off on a different life-track which doesn't include you. That's life. There are no certainties.

 

We have to live in the "now" OP. So enjoy your relationship.

[Goodfellas]

Futurising... that's a good one, and I'm definitely guilty of it! I appreciate being talked down from it. Everything is so easy with her and I enjoy her company, I just need to get passed the age gap. It's not her fault she's 22 and I need to remind myself of that.

[Hermes]

Goodfella. That isn't an age gap. A 15 to 20 year difference could be construed as an age gap. I remember at age 19 dating a man of 34, for over a year. And no, I wasn't considering anything long-term then. But I found we were much on the same page about most things.

[1a1a]

She might change a lot over the next few years (who I was at 20 was pretty different to who I was at 25). Go in aware that might happen, enjoy her in the present, be kind to one another.

[Goodfellas]

The more I interact with her the more I'm forgetting there's an age gap. It feels right, so I'll keep on keepin' on. Cheers!

[qwaspolk82]

Is that 8-year age gap alarming? I've had a fling with this girl in the past but couldn't get passed the eight year differential. Now, after dating around my own age, I'm starting to see how awesome she is but I'm still hung up on the age. If it were 50 to 42 the age gap would feel less pronounced as, at 22, I feel as though she still has so much to learn.

 

So, simple question: what are your immediate thoughts of a 30 year old dating a 22 year old?

 

Grazie, eNA.

 

My brother is 8 years older than his wife. For the longest time I didn't know she was younger than me. She doesn't act younger. Eight years isn't too bad. I think my former friend's husband is 8 years older than her - but he's also a grandfather. (Apparently knocked a girl up when he was 15 and now she has two kids). So my friend was a step grandma before she turned 30 and her stepdaughter is only like 8 years younger than her. THAT seems weird to me. That would weird me out.

 

My dad is 10 years older than my stepmom. It's not weird now but if you think about when my dad was 18, my stepmom was 8. (She actually said what if your dad would have met me in college instead of your mom. I said remember you're 10 years younger - When he was starting college you were starting 2nd or 3rd grade...). My stepgrandma was 10 years younger than my grandpa (he just passed). They met after my biological grandma died and my stepgrandma was a widow with five kids.

 

Just depends. I think 15 year age difference is pushing it that's me. I wouldn't go 15 years older and I can't date more than 4 years younger. It's just weird to me.

[Goodfellas]

Thanks for that, qwaspolk82! I'm a big fan of real life examples rather than cliches. The more I read around here the more I realize eight years isn't much. It just seems more pronounced because we're still both young-ish. No one would bat an eye at a 62 year old dating a 54 year old, but the gap seems larger because she's only 22.

[origami]

Age gap is fine and she's over 18(21) so it's between young adults. All I can tell you from my experience is that she may not be rewdy to settle at the time you think you're ready. So enjoy your relationship and don't pressure her to marry, move with you, stop partying with her friends, until it's the right time

[Goodfellas]

Muchas gracias, origami! She claims she's already over the partying phase and I buy it. I often tell her she's an old soul in a young body.

[ThatwasThen]

Is that 8-year age gap alarming? I've had a fling with this girl in the past but couldn't get passed the eight year differential. Now, after dating around my own age, I'm starting to see how awesome she is but I'm still hung up on the age. If it were 50 to 42 the age gap would feel less pronounced as, at 22, I feel as though she still has so much to learn.

 

So, simple question: what are your immediate thoughts of a 30 year old dating a 22 year old?

 

Grazie, eNA.

I find it odd that you're worried about having an actual relationship with her but it's okay to bop her casually? Keep it real. If she's willing to be in a relationship with you. You don't say whose idea it was for the "fling."

[Goodfellas]

Fling was mutually agreed upon, under the premise that I'd be moving out of town soon. Now that I have and we still keep in comms the distance doesn't seem to be an issue.