wildgeechi Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Don't want to write a novel so here is the short version... I chased after her for many years, finally got her attention and we dated about a year and a half. lived together for a short time, we starting having trouble, she moved out, we kept dating, trouble continued, ultimately she broke up with me. no contact for several weeks. i pretty much immediately got back on dating sites, talking to women, etc, partly to help get over her, partly to find the right partner for me. Went on one date. Of course, an hour before said date, ex and i spoke on the phone and i asked her to meet me a few days later so I could apologize for how I handled myself on certain conflicts we had and have a proper "good bye" as I had literally walked out when she told me she wanted to break up. we met up, i apologized, we ended up going to a music festival, having sex afterwards... then getting together again the next few days. now, she pushed for a few days the question of did I date anyone. after trying to explain I saw no point in that question and felt it was not something worth focusing on nor relevant at this point as we weren't talking at that point, I said yes, I was doing the online dating thing, went on one date which was drinks and thats it and that we didn't hit it off. now she is pushing the "the relationship must have meant nothing" angle. also saying that since I walked out after she broke up with me, that I must have wanted her to say that for some time. I understand why she feels some pain from some of this, but also will note what I do whilst single is no business of hers, particularly when she was the one doing the breaking up with me and not vice versa so, how do I assuage her concerns, prevent unneeded pain, and get our relationship back on track? if there are additional questions, feel free to ask... just wanted to get the bare min. info here to seek advice... thanks! Link to comment
Silver star Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 You can't solve this one for the simple fact women don't think like men. Sorry - there is no answer to this Link to comment
wildgeechi Posted August 10, 2016 Author Share Posted August 10, 2016 You can't solve this one for the simple fact women don't think like men. Sorry - there is no answer to this ain't that the truth lol... the reality is her knowing other women take interest in me certainly isn't hurting my case... but I just want her to drop it. probably will have no such luck Link to comment
Blue Ridge Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 She broke up with you, you started dating. That's pretty normal. If she wants to try to punish you for it, it is her being petty. What you did while you guys were broken up is none of her business, outside of any activity that might bring STD risk. I don't know the actual statistics, but people who break up getting back together and making a better go of it the second time around seem about as rare as unicorns. Think very seriously about the "trouble" that caused you to grow apart. Is it resolved? If not, get ready to deal with it again. Link to comment
wildgeechi Posted August 10, 2016 Author Share Posted August 10, 2016 She broke up with you, you started dating. That's pretty normal. If she wants to try to punish you for it, it is her being petty. What you did while you guys were broken up is none of her business, outside of any activity that might bring STD risk. I don't know the actual statistics, but people who break up getting back together and making a better go of it the second time around seem about as rare as unicorns. Think very seriously about the "trouble" that caused you to grow apart. Is it resolved? If not, get ready to deal with it again. Oh I thought about that a great deal... there were a couple things that need to be resolved for the relationship to work. The issues were not insurmountable by any means... I'm also aware there is an "acceptable level of bs" if one wants to have relationships.. it can't always be puppy dogs and rainbows. I have identified and corrected/working to correct those that are my issues or in my control. I think the statistics of relationships that have a break up and get back together (those that ultimately fail as well as those that last a lifetime thereafter) is pretty high, something like 60-70% but can't find where I am drawing that statistic from. just about the only successful marriage I personally know of in my age range is about 20 years and running... in the first 5 years are so there was a breakup for several months including them seeing other people during that breakup. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Unfortunately it's time to let this go. The conflicts, regardless of what it's about just continue. Now it's did you date?,etc. now she is pushing the "the relationship must have meant nothing" angle. Link to comment
songsiusedto Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Honestly if it meant so much to her, then why did she decide to end it? It's not logical to dump someone and then get upset when they don't react the way you want them to. That shows me she's a bit of drama- trying to use certain situations to manipulate you or get a certain reaction out of you. I did the same thing when I was like 14. The fact of the matter is that she ended it, thus ending her right to be upset that you attempted to move on and deal with the breakup in your own way. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 She dumped you and now it just sounds like she is trying to push you away in a passive aggressive sort of way by making you the bad guy for going on a date while you were broken up. The problem is that despite the throwback to what's familiar and the break up sex, your relationship is very much broken.....as in over..... I'd actually sit down with her and have a very blunt heart to heart conversation about what you and her want out of this and if she doesn't really want to work on this relationship and is going to go the passive/aggressive route of "well you ruined it because you went on a date after I dumped you" then just go ahead and close this chapter and move on from her. No more contact, no more break up sex, no more talking or staying in touch for any reason. Just move on. Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 You can't solve this one for the simple fact women don't think like men. Sorry - there is no answer to this Would you like to expand on this, how do women think differently to men? I'm the same age as you, I've been trying to work it out all my life. Link to comment
kara025 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 You could pull the same line on her: "the relationship must not have meant anything if you chose to break up with me" Link to comment
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