benjisalone Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I am a 24 year old lady and i have been with my boyfriend for 9 years now and counting (i hope). He left for a different state last year for a better life and thank God we talked for hours every single day via whatsapp calling and we made arrangements for me to visit him this year. I started doing a 3 months internship this year at a manufacturing plant and it was all good because i still get to talk to my hubby even when I'm at work because they have wifi. I then got close with this one male worker and he was a really good friend and one day he called in sick so i decided to go pay him a visit (my boyfriend doesn't know about him or our friendship). When i got to his house we talked and before you know it I'm in his room, he tried kissing me and i pushed him off, he tried again and i finally gave in and then he pushed me on the bed, lifted my skirt, pushed my pants sideways and had sex with me even when i was fighting him off. When he got up i left feeling betrayed and angry, he texted and called begging me to forgive him and so i did after some days. I was so ashamed i couldn't tell my boyfriend. The following week we were invited to a service one Sunday and after the service he told me to drop him off so he could change his clothes and i did and we talked until we got to his house and his room and he forced himself on me again the same way for the second time this time for some reason i didn't fight as hard as i was supposed to and he had his way with me whilst i was under him telling him to stop. He did that one more time after work and then i had to sit him down and tell him that i don't ever want that to happen anymore and so we stopped until i left the job we didn't do anything anymore. Now i will be leaving to go see my boyfriend on thursday and i don't know if i should tell him, i don't know if he will find out as he is the only one I've been with before this. Please i need serious advice and its urgent. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Good grief, you dont learn, do you? Why on earth did you go to that guy's house again? Your errors in judgment are huge. If you tell your bf I bet he tells you to hit the road. Once is bad enough but 3 times? How do you rationalize this in your head? I see you letting this jerk rape you 3 times to be a bigger deal than telling your bf what happened. The jerk needs to be reported to the police. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I'm not touching this thread with a ten-foot pole, but I subscribed just because I can't wait to see how eNA handles this one. Wow. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Your hubby? It's up to you whether to tell your bf you cheated, but don't pull that bs that 'i was forced' since you willingly came back for more. Don't accuse your coworker of rape when in fact you sought him out, went to his house and continued a few more times. i still get to talk to my hubby. He did that one more time after work . i will be leaving to go see my boyfriend on thursday and i don't know if i should tell him, i don't know if he will find out as he is the only one I've been with before this. Please i need serious advice and its urgent. Link to comment
Blue Ridge Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 This is a confusing post. Hubby is generally slang for husband. Are you married to this man? And now for the tough question, be honest: were you raped? If the answer is yes, you need to call the police, and should have after the first encounter. Frankly, it doesn't sound like it if you came back to his place two more times, but you say you resisted. So if you weren't, then it is up to you where to go from here. For sure, you had better get STD testing before being intimate with your bf/husband. Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 So you've been with the same man since you were 15, he moved long distance and now you're wondering what it's like to be with someone else. That's what happened. Not rape. You don't just "somehow" end up in someone's bedroom. You're insulting women who have actually been raped by claiming this is rape. What woman knowingly goes into their rapists house a second and third time??? None that I've known. And I have known people who have been raped. You were already hiding the "friendship" from your BF which makes it an emotional affair now you have taken it to the physical level. Just be honest with yourself and your BF. You've outgrown the relationship and want to see what else is out there. It's best to do that without cheating but you can't change that now. Just do the right thing moving forward. Link to comment
rosephase Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Your hubby? It's up to you whether to tell your bf you cheated, but don't pull that bs that 'i was forced' since you willingly came back for more. Don't accuse your coworker of rape when in fact you sought him out, went to his house and continued a few more times. Alright chill out everyone. I know it's shocking but people don't always respond to rape the way people think they should. I remained friends with a guy who raped me. I spent time with him alone and worked to make space in my life for him. People have very different responses to trauma. / This woman was raped by someone she trusted and even liked. You don't need to put blame on her because she didn't act the way you assume you would act if it had happened to you. OP, I'm so sorry for what you went through. I would suggest you find a professional to talk to about it. Having a neutral, safe person to talk through your thoughts and feelings can help a lot. As for your boyfriend? Personally I would tell my partner if something like this happened. Because I would hope that my partner would love and respect me and help me sort it out. I have a lot of faith in my partners. Do you have that kind of faith in yours? Do you think he'll understand? Or do you think he would choose to let his own feelings overwhelm his ability to help you? I wouldn't want to go through a life long relationship hiding something that impactful from my life mate. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Agree. It sounds more like you are rehearsing this rape story on here to see if anyone buys it and if your hubby, bf, whatever will be stupid enough to believe it. Link to comment
Silver star Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 This is very confusing as on the one hand I don't understand why you would continue to communicate with someone who forced themselves onto you let alone be alone in their house with them - but on the other hand maybe you are incredibly naive when it comes to men and truly thought you could continue a friendship. Either way, can you really keep this from your boyfriend of 9 years? Surely you trust your boyfriend and respect him enough to tell him the truth - then it is up to him how he wants to proceed. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Something tells me that this is another "one thing lead to another" type of thread. In any event, if this is true it's only fair to tell your SO, and allow him to make his own decision. Link to comment
LadyRayne Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 This post sounds a bit like a troll post if you ask me Link to comment
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