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My girlfriend has a son and she wants to keep a friendly relationship with the f


parente94

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She just got out of a bad relationship of 10 years, she was unhappy and basicly he ruined her life, now she is with me but she says she wants to be friends with him.

I know she loves me and wants nothing more than having a good relations with the father of her son.

But even though I know that I can't help but feeling jealous.

She said her position about this matter before we started dating and I agreed to it.

But now that I am experiencing it its hard to bare and I feel that it's going to destroy what we have.

I only have this problem whe she is with him, never felt anything like this when she is arround other guy friends that's why I thought it wouldnt be too hard because I was never the jealous type.

I don't want to be the guy that makes the one he loves unhappy because of unfounded irrational insecurities.

Please help

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She just got out of a bad relationship of 10 years, she was unhappy and basicly he ruined her life, now she is with me but she says she wants to be friends with him.

I know she loves me and wants nothing more than having a good relations with the father of her son.

But even though I know that I can't help but feeling jealous.

She said her position about this matter before we started dating and I agreed to it.

But now that I am experiencing it its hard to bare and I feel that it's going to destroy what we have.

I only have this problem whe she is with him, never felt anything like this when she is arround other guy friends that's why I thought it wouldnt be too hard because I was never the jealous type.

I don't want to be the guy that makes the one he loves unhappy because of unfounded irrational insecurities.

Please help

 

Sounds like two good parents doing the right thing for their child. You need to either learn to accept that, or leave the relationship.

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You will have to accept it or breakup and not date single moms again. They must co-parent for the sake of the kid and being in a contentious situation with him benefits no one. Step up and be more confident in yourself.

I know she loves me and wants nothing more than having a good relations with the father of her son. She said her position about this matter before we started dating and I agreed to it
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They have a child so they will always be in each others lives. The more amicable the relationships between them, the better all around, including you.

 

Having said that, if you are not normally jealous of guy friends and this is the only one that bothers you, why do you think this is? In other words, is it just some hang up about him being her ex or is your gut trying to tell you something?

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I think it's because it's her ex. They were together for 10 years, they have a kid, it's a lot of history.

He mistreated and manipulated her for years he broke her entire house before leaving.

And even after leaving he made our life's hel for a couple months.

After all that he became mister nice guy and acts like all is good and nice.

And it's like she forgot everything.

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I agree 100% vitoria Its just hard for me to deal with the fact of seeing them together or talking on the phone.

 

You need to stop thinking about yourself, and think about what is better for the kid.

 

As long as the discussion is related to the child, I do not understand your insecurities?

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I'm not sure whether you have anything to worry about or not. First how long was your girlfriend broken up before you two started going out? and second, is she just talking about friendly to the ex or being a friend who goes and spends time alone with the guy?

 

Because those two factors will probably be what you should look at.

 

I stayed friendly with my ex-husband, because we had children together. This does not mean I went and hung out one-on-one with him or even did things with him beyond I wasn't going to spit on him or hiss at him if we both happened to need to attend a school play or athletic event or family gathering based around the kids. We stayed amicable, but we didn't bother to hang out together or go do things even as a full family unit beyond obligation, because hello we divorced in the first place, because we had little in common and weren't that interested in each other beyond making sure our kids were happy.

 

Without knowing the above two points I'm not sure we can really give you decent advice here. There's giant difference between staying amicable because you have kids and behaving in a way that says they weren't really as over their ex as they said they were when they got with you.

 

P.S. Be really cautious about the whole "he ruined my life" claims, because if that were really true and this guy were all that terrible why on earth would she be keeping him in her kid's life and then wanting to be friends? That makes no sense to me. Do you feel deceived a bit because of that?

 

If he really was that terrible and she's still willing to run back to him then I'm sorry, but she needs therapy and not to drag you into the middle of it.

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I'm not sure whether you have anything to worry about or not. First how long was your girlfriend broken up before you two started going out? and second, is she just talking about friendly to the ex or being a friend who goes and spends time alone with the guy?

 

Because those two factors will probably be what you should look at.

 

I stayed friendly with my ex-husband, because we had children together. This does not mean I went and hung out one-on-one with him or even did things with him beyond I wasn't going to spit on him or hiss at him if we both happened to need to attend a school play or athletic event or family gathering based around the kids. We stayed amicable, but we didn't bother to hang out together or go do things even as a full family unit beyond obligation, because hello we divorced in the first place, because we had little in common and weren't that interested in each other beyond making sure our kids were happy.

 

Without knowing the above two points I'm not sure we can really give you decent advice here. There's giant difference between staying amicable because you have kids and behaving in a way that says they weren't really as over their ex as they said they were when they got with you.

 

P.S. Be really cautious about the whole "he ruined my life" claims, because if that were really true and this guy were all that terrible why on earth would she be keeping him in her kid's life and then wanting to be friends? That makes no sense to me. Do you feel deceived a bit because of that?

 

If he really was that terrible and she's still willing to run back to him then I'm sorry, but she needs therapy and not to drag you into the middle of it.

 

A month or so after they broke up. She used to be my best friend so I know what's true. He ruined her life broke everything he wasn't taking with him out of the house, he made death threats.

They don't go for cofee and hang out or anything. Some times they take the kid together to the park and things like that. Some times she let's him inside our house to give the kid a kiss I'm not always there obviously because I work and the guy can't stand my presence for obvious reasons.

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I think it's because it's her ex. They were together for 10 years, they have a kid, it's a lot of history.

He mistreated and manipulated her for years he broke her entire house before leaving.

And even after leaving he made our life's hel for a couple months.

After all that he became mister nice guy and acts like all is good and nice.

And it's like she forgot everything.

 

She hasn't forgotten. She has moved past it. That is a good thing for you and your relationship. It is far more concerning when people can't let go of the past as it means they are still hurting.

 

If they aren't behaving inappropriately towards each other (which hasn't been suggested so I am assuming not) then you really need to get past this or accept that dating a single mum isn't going to work for you.

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Try not to focus on all the horror stories about him. Why? He's the kids dad. The kid loves him, she doesn't...she left his sorry butt, remember? These interactions sounds appropriately kid related.

Some times they take the kid together to the park and things like that. Some times she let's him inside our house to give the kid a kiss I'm not always there obviously because I work and the guy can't stand my presence for obvious reasons.
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Do you have children of your own? If not then you have to understand the child comes first in everything. Many people who separate have very acrimonious relationships which does damage to the kids in the long run. I'm sure your gf hasn't forgotten he mistreated her why don't you talk to her about your feelings you might find she's only putting on a front to keep things happy. I take calls from my ex husband in regard to my kids we keep things civil but sometimes in the back of my head I'm saying "you're a jerk" or something but I keep those feelings in check for the sake of my kids

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A month or so after they broke up. She used to be my best friend so I know what's true. He ruined her life broke everything he wasn't taking with him out of the house, he made death threats.

They don't go for cofee and hang out or anything. Some times they take the kid together to the park and things like that. Some times she let's him inside our house to give the kid a kiss I'm not always there obviously because I work and the guy can't stand my presence for obvious reasons.

 

That's not really being friends, it's just being civil with each other for the sake of the child.

 

That aside, given that she had absolutely no time between relationships, are you worried that you are just the rebound guy and is that what's really eating at you?

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That's not really being friends, it's just being civil with each other for the sake of the child.

 

That aside, given that she had absolutely no time between relationships, are you worried that you are just the rebound guy and is that what's really eating at you?

 

I am not worried about that. I know she loves me

I know she is not doing anything wrong with him

In my mind I know this but I can't help this feelings specially now that we are going trough a rough phase caused by my jealousy. I feel she is far away cuz she is upset with me and that makes things 10 times worst.

I feel I am becoming a diferent person because of this and this will destroy our relationship. I don't want to make her suffer any more than I already did but even if I don't say anything about this matter it's still there inside me and it changes the way I act.

I never felt like this before idk what to do.

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She shouldn't stop doing what's best for the child just because you're jealous and insecure.

 

If you can't handle her having a civil relationship with her child's father FOR THE CHILD'S WELL-BEING...then I suggest you end the relationship and date a woman who does not yet have children.

 

And try to think about it in reverse...if you had a child with an ex, would you want your child's mother to cut you out of his life just because her boyfriend was jealous?

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I know it's tough, but honestly you gotta just suck this one up if you want to be with her. My ex husband and I have a 15 year old son together. We made the decision early on that we were going to get along after the divorce (even though he cheated), it's been SO much better for our son to see us get along. My ex comes to my house about once a month and the three of us (me, ex and our son) meet to discuss any issues...school, sports and talk about anything that needs to be scheduled, doc appointments, etc. then we work it out together.

 

I get along with my ex very well, and his new wife and I get along great. Our situation is different than what most people are used to but it works for us and our son is VERY happy.

 

Good luck to you!

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I am not worried about that. I know she loves me

I know she is not doing anything wrong with him

In my mind I know this but I can't help this feelings specially now that we are going trough a rough phase caused by my jealousy. I feel she is far away cuz she is upset with me and that makes things 10 times worst.

I feel I am becoming a diferent person because of this and this will destroy our relationship. I don't want to make her suffer any more than I already did but even if I don't say anything about this matter it's still there inside me and it changes the way I act.

I never felt like this before idk what to do.

 

That's the thing though....you say that you are not worried, but you clearly are. If you truly weren't worried, you wouldn't be jealous and acting out.

You really can't fix a problem unless you are willing to identify what it is and where it's stemming from exactly.

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I am not worried about that. I know she loves me

I know she is not doing anything wrong with him

In my mind I know this but I can't help this feelings specially now that we are going trough a rough phase caused by my jealousy. I feel she is far away cuz she is upset with me and that makes things 10 times worst.

I feel I am becoming a diferent person because of this and this will destroy our relationship. I don't want to make her suffer any more than I already did but even if I don't say anything about this matter it's still there inside me and it changes the way I act.

I never felt like this before idk what to do.

 

Maybe you should take a break. I know that people say a break is a break up - but you cannot go on in your relationship like this. Either go away to visit a relative in another state to get away for just a bit (so not really taking a break, just having physical distance for a week or so and not announcing you are taking a break). I don't usually advocate breaks because then would you run away if a marriage got tough? But I honestly think that with no time in between relationships, this might need a reboot. Either have something else to do for a week that she cannot attend to get a change of scenery or talk about what the issues are, and maybe take a break for a few months and see if you feel any differently after a few months and want to pursue her again if she is available...or not. Dating a divorced mom is not for everybody - particularly when the breakup is fresh.

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That's the thing though....you say that you are not worried, but you clearly are. If you truly weren't worried, you wouldn't be jealous and acting out.

You really can't fix a problem unless you are willing to identify what it is and where it's stemming from exactly.

 

Yeah that's the thing I get that. Some how deep down I feel insecure. Even if I know I have no reason to.

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She shouldn't stop doing what's best for the child just because you're jealous and insecure.

 

If you can't handle her having a civil relationship with her child's father FOR THE CHILD'S WELL-BEING...then I suggest you end the relationship and date a woman who does not yet have children.

 

And try to think about it in reverse...if you had a child with an ex, would you want your child's mother to cut you out of his life just because her boyfriend was jealous?

 

That's the thing I don't want her to. I told her that, I love that kid and want the best for him and I am not looking to replace his father in any way.

I am here to get help from people who have experienced similar situations to help me overcome this feelings, if i wanted her to stop talking to him to solve my problems I wouldn't be here asking for advice.

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That's the thing I don't want her to. I told her that, I love that kid and want the best for him and I am not looking to replace his father in any way.

I am here to get help from people who have experienced similar situations to help me overcome this feelings, if i wanted her to stop talking to him to solve my problems I wouldn't be here asking for advice.

 

You have moved way too fast in the relationship if the breakup with her ex was fresh and you already love the kid. You should be concerned with the kid, too, and not be around them so much until the relationship is farther along.

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You have moved way too fast in the relationship if the breakup with her ex was fresh and you already love the kid. You should be concerned with the kid, too, and not be around them so much until the relationship is farther along.

 

Well as I said before she was my best friend, I was arround him since he was born, I've been with her for 4 months now. The reason I am here now it's because it's getting worst.

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