How do I let go of hope?

[veronica78]

Hi Everyone!

 

I'm having a rough day today and I'm looking for advice on how I let go of hope. I know it is what is holding me back from moving on. I have this stupid fantasy in my head that one day he is going to realize how good I was to him, how much I cared for him and come back. I know in my mind that he is not the right guy for me. When we were dating I grew so frustrated with the way he treated me that I thought about ending it several times but I held onto hope that he would change. I would catch him in silly lies, he would never show up on time for our dates, he would often ignore my calls and texts, he was very jealous and insecure, immature, etc. but finally I accepted that that was just the way he is. Even though I know I deserve someone who treats me better I still hold out hope he will come back and apologize. I know even if he came back, he would still be that same guy that I wanted to break up with because of his crappy behavior.

 

I've made lists of all his bad qualities.. and it was a very, very long list. This still didn't help.

I know logically in my mind that there are plenty of good men out there. Men who will treat me 1,000 times better than this guy...so why am I holding out hope for him?

 

I am growing angry with myself for feeling this way.

 

A week and a half ago we had a huge argument and have not spoken since. He made one weak attempt to contact me, which I ignored. I know it is for the best but why is it so hard?

 

How do I finally let go of hope and just move on?

[Hollyj]

You let go by blocking his behind. The more distance will get you to a better place.

[lostlove76]

I could have written this myself! I'm in the same position. I wish I had some advice for you, but I haven't made much progress in this area either, and really don't know the solution. But I offer my sympathies.

[Hollyj]

Is this the same guy that dumped you for his ex, cheated, never paid you back and you took in his dog. I read Part of your previous thread. You really let this guy walk all over you.

 

You need to understand why you have no boundaries or self esteem, as this guy really treated you like crap!

 

I would consider some counseling.

[Zaphod]

Meet another guy who's more decent. Usually does the trick.

 

Trouble is currently you have no kind of perspective, or yardstick.

[Wiseman2]

When did you breakup? By now you could spare yourself a lot of nonsense by going no contact and full block. It's done there is no unfinished business or further need for closure, apologies, etc..

 

Over-investing and overcompensating can lead to this type of resentment/anger. Like paying a fortune for swampland only to be disillusioned that it did not miraculously turn out to be beachfront property because you wanted it to be.

 

Next time don't try to fix, change anyone or be a martyr in the relationship. what you see is what you get.

A week and a half ago we had a huge argument and have not spoken since.

[reinventmyself]

Yep. . could have written this too.

Just know what you are feeling is normal. Expect that you will doubt yourself and second guess your decision.

Hold onto the fact that this will pass and come back again while you are adjusting.

It's ok to miss him, after all no one is all bad. You'll miss the relationship and having a companion but not necessarily him.

You'll have all sorts of emotions. Just ride them out and stay on course.

One step at a time.

[Hollyj]

Is he still with his girlfriend?

[veronica78]

@Hollyj He told me they are working on reconciling. He's been giving me the same story for the past eight months. I'm beginning to think it is all a lie or an exaggeration on his part of how close he is to getting back together with her. I have not seen any evidence of them getting back together. But just because I don't see it, doesn't mean it isn't happening. I am pretty certain that she is doing to him what he has been doing to me.....stringing him along. He has hopes of getting back with her but I don't think she's all that interested in him. She was dating someone else off and on but I think they are currently off again which explains why he asked us not to talk or see each other for awhile, this after he begged me to please be friends with him. What nerve, and what does he think the minute HE decides we should talk again I should just welcome him back into my life again with open arms?? I told him no, let's make it FOREVER!! But I know there is this sad part of me that wants him to come back. I know I will never try to reach out to him again not matter how badly I may miss him. I am certain of that.

 

And yes, it's the same guy. I feel embarrassed that I would even entertain getting back with someone like that. Thing is I never had space from him after the break up. We have been in touch every week with the exception of just one month since the break up. After we had that big fight last week it felt empowering to ignore his text...now I feel sad about it. It's like breaking up all over again.

 

I just want to be over it already. I'm angry at myself for allowing him to stay in my life far longer than he deserved and allowing myself to be treated that way.