HopelessHolly Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Not sure what to think about this situation. My trainer and I have been training for over two years and in turn have gotten to know each other pretty well. We are very open with each other and he says that he accepts the person I am and calls me unique. He told me I am in his circle because we think the same and help each other and care for each other. He helped me breakup with my ex boyfriend because he didn't treat me right and he told me I deserve to be shown what love is actually like. He's told me many times that I am beautiful and he makes sure my clothing isn't revealing so I don't attract the wrong people. But I think it's because he doesn't want anyone looking at me like that because he likes me. We laugh with each other and talk about very deep subjects because we're both not into small talk. He takes me to church every Sunday with him and then we go out to eat and this weekend we are going hiking together. From what I've said it would appear that we are dating but he often jokingly calls me bro and I can't tell if he's trying to hint that it won't be more than friends or if he's just trying to make a joke. Nonetheless it doesn't attract me at all. I also forgot to mention that we write letters to each other and ask each other very personal question as a way to continue getting to know each other... I guess I just don't know what to do, should I leave it alone or try to start a relationship? I'm really not sure! Help! Link to comment
gp11a Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 When I started reading, I thought he was just a trainer... but then the going to church, going hiking, writing letters parts! Is it possible he doesn't want to compromise the trainer/trainee relationship? However, you guys, like you said, already appear to be dating! Is he shy or doesn't know the next steps to take? Do you guys flirt or ever hint at anything more? Link to comment
nuttybuddy Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 First of all, I wouldn't write personal things in writing because that's just permanent evidence that can be seen by anyone (even if he tries to keep it safe, accidents can happen.) Secondly, it's really hard to say how he feels about you. He could totally be looking out for you as a good friend. All the things you mentioned are things that a good friend or a bro with do to look out for his younger sibling. You didn't write anything that would seem to tip the scale to indicate that he likes you more than just as a friend. Given what you know so far, I wouldn't make any confession to him and make it awkward. Besides, guys like to be the "chaser." So let him make the first move if he is really interested in you. But from the clues you mentioned, like I said, it seems like he could just like you as a friend. But the only thing that he SHOULDN'T be doing is asking too personal questions because girls tend to get emotionally attached by opening up and sharing. He may not realize what he's doing, and is asking all these personal questions because that's just his way of getting to know someone. Draw your boundaries for YOUR protection. Guard your heart so that you don't get your heart broken. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Maybe he's gay. Two years of closeness without an actual romantic overture would be unusual, otherwise. Link to comment
HopelessHolly Posted August 10, 2016 Author Share Posted August 10, 2016 That might be possible! He is somewhat shy, he likes to hint at things without actually telling me so I'm not sure if this is some kind of hint? He told me that in his last relationship the girl asked him out first which is weird to me but he didn't seem bothered so I wasn't sure if he wants me to make the first move? We flirt but it's very friendly like we make fun of each other but it's never really been sexual or anything. But we are very much alike so he might be confused as to if I like him too? I'm really confused though! I'm not sure if I should try to do/say something or wait it out. Link to comment
HopelessHolly Posted August 10, 2016 Author Share Posted August 10, 2016 Maybe he's gay. Two years of closeness without an actual romantic overture would be unusual, otherwise. Lol, he's really religious and hates relationships that are unnatural so I don't think that's the case.. We didn't start getting close until about the beginning of this year Link to comment
Tinydance Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Well, though this may be a rare case and may be an exception, but I would say that if he had feelings for you and was attracted to you (and he was single), he would have asked you out by now. I mean, two years is a really long time. And as you said, you guys do a lot of things together outside of the gym training and you are very close and friendly with each other. I think that if he did want to date you, he would have definitely made a move by now, at least a kiss. So I would say he most likely does either see you just as a good friend, he's already in a relationship or seeing someone (maybe you didn't realise), or he very well might be gay. I mean, the fact that he's telling you not to wear revealing clothing may just be the fact that he's religious. Clearly he believes in God if he goes to church regularly and wants you to come along too. I don't think that a guy would keep calling a woman "bro" if he's attracted to her and wants to hook up with her/date her. Although I'm the type of person who always needs closure and wants to at least take a chance. So if you really want to know how he feels about you, then you could ask him and you could tell him about your feelings for him. However, if he's not interested, you need to be prepared that things might get pretty awkward. So you may need to tone down your friendship after that or even find a new trainer! Link to comment
Jibralta Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Lol, he's really religious and hates relationships that are unnatural so I don't think that's the case.. We didn't start getting close until about the beginning of this year All the more reason for him to be in the closet about it, even (perhaps especially) with himself! Two years is a very long time for him to be so interested without making a move. If he is in denial about being gay, treating you like a girlfriend may take the pressure off of him both psychologically and socially. Another possibility along the same "gay" theory is that you are his Beard. In a perfect world, the girl would be in on it. But if you both live in an environment where gay people are persecuted, the less you know, the better. Link to comment
HopelessHolly Posted August 13, 2016 Author Share Posted August 13, 2016 Well, though this may be a rare case and may be an exception, but I would say that if he had feelings for you and was attracted to you (and he was single), he would have asked you out by now. I mean, two years is a really long time. And as you said, you guys do a lot of things together outside of the gym training and you are very close and friendly with each other. I think that if he did want to date you, he would have definitely made a move by now, at least a kiss. So I would say he most likely does either see you just as a good friend, he's already in a relationship or seeing someone (maybe you didn't realise), or he very well might be gay. I mean, the fact that he's telling you not to wear revealing clothing may just be the fact that he's religious. Clearly he believes in God if he goes to church regularly and wants you to come along too. I don't think that a guy would keep calling a woman "bro" if he's attracted to her and wants to hook up with her/date her. Although I'm the type of person who always needs closure and wants to at least take a chance. So if you really want to know how he feels about you, then you could ask him and you could tell him about your feelings for him. However, if he's not interested, you need to be prepared that things might get pretty awkward. So you may need to tone down your friendship after that or even find a new trainer! He had a girlfriend last year so I'd say he's been single for about a year. We didn't start getting close until the last 6 months. I know there is no possibility of him being gay! And he's told me he's not with anyone. My problem is I can't tell if he's just trying to be a friend to me or if he wants to start something more. I offered to pay for a lunch and he completely rejected saying he's got it. He cleans his car when he picks me up and always dresses very well and clean when we see each other outside of the gym. But yeah I crave knowing things so it's hard for me to just guess but I don't know if I should tell him I like him or wait for him to do something if he really does want to be more than that. If he didn't want to be more than that it would be okay - he's a great trainer and an even better person I just don't know if I should try something or not..? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 13, 2016 Share Posted August 13, 2016 Has he ever been romantic, such as hold hands, kiss or do more than what to girlfriends would do together? It sounds platonic so far. I can't tell if he's just trying to be a friend to me or if he wants to start something more. Link to comment
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