I'm having trouble moving on...

[Dorian]

Hopefully this isn't to long but I wanted to write it out for you and for myself. I was in a relationship that ended once after 8 months, we got back together and then I ended it again because she was checking out a guy at a party. She looked behind herself at this guy 4 times and then stepped about 5 feet away from me and then the guy came over to talk to her. At this point I grabbed a friend and went to the bar to get a drink. Nothing really happened between them but I guess I was so tired of feeling like she wasn't in the relationship that I decided to end it that night. I felt the whole relationship like she was just waiting to find someone better. Anyways, she begged me to stay and we were living together at this point so I decided that I wouldn't move out just yet. So a week later I find out she was flirting with her co-worker the Friday before the party and about 2 weeks after that, right before we had a vacation planned to Thailand, she hangs out with him on her birthday. She didn't want me to go because her friends don't like me because I broke up with her. Unfortunately her family was going to be there, in Thailand, so she asked that I not go. We were still communicating daily while she was there and she told me she met some guy at the airport. Just hanging out during their 15 hour layover in china. I gathered from what she told me that he was going to Bali. Halfway through the vacation, after her parents had left and we were supposed to be alone together she tells me that he flew from Bali to meet her. She has this complete innocent justification about why he did it, something about it being to hot there. I know for a fact that he flew there to see her. So they have dinner and spend their last day together. She gets back and we have sex and she tells me she made a huge mistake. She tells the guy that they cant really talk anymore because she wants to make it work with me and he was professing his love for her "I miss you so much, blah blah blah". This guy also said in conversation that he would marry her. Then 3 days later I find out they are still texting by seeing his name on her phone. I ask her about it and she just tells me they are friends. Then she takes off notifications on her phone. About a week later I feel she is distant and I also see the co-workers name on her phone. At the time we were still sleeping in the same bed and having sex occasionally. That night I kick her out of my bed and onto the blow up mattress. The next morning she tries to say that I was seeing things and that she hadn't spoken to him since the week before. That next Wednesday she leaves her computer open and I find out that she went over and slept at his house that night, when she said she was out with another girlfriend. Funny how instincts are right. Fast forward about 2 more weeks and I've moved out and am cleaning up the apartment with her and she tells me she is going to Italy and Greece with the guy she met on vacation in Thailand. All paid for by this guy, apparently he is really rich, staying at places that cost 5k a night. At this point I lost it. I feel so manipulated.

 

 

 

Shes still on vacation with this dude right now and I just want some opinions from people. I know we were broken up but how can a girl do and say those things to me... I love you, I'm trying to make this work, he is just a friend, i don't like him like that, i made a mistake... etc.. While texting another guy like that. How the heck can women justify the things they do? Like obviously the guy was in love with her, saying he wanted to marry her, that he misses her so much after they met for like a day. And then tell me that he is just a friend. Was she lying to me the whole time? Did she even care about me? Why would someone continue to lie to me and tell me she didn't text the dude, until I finally had concrete evidence and then what she says is that she didn't want to hurt me? I feel really hurt and it makes me cry daily. No one has ever treated me this way before.... I know I should have seen it coming but its so hard when you love her, and shes telling you what you want to hear. She begged me to trust her, told me I was insecure, that I was overreacting and then she goes and does this. At this point I'm not even sure if she loved me at all. Do all women justify things the way she did. "Oh he said I was nice to him when his grandma died, so hes buying me a trip to italy and greece" is that? How does she not know exactly what she is doing?

 

Thanks for reading. I feel dead inside....

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happen. She's cheating, so forget it. This was the best thing you did besides ending it 6618952] That night I kick her out of my bed and onto the blow up mattress.

[pbnj]

It's hard to find answers to these questions and it hurts to allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone and be treated that way. It sounds like she didn't want to be alone and having you there in her life would have filled that void until something or someone occupied her time. I think you have given her enough chances and truth is, if she truly cared about you and your feelings, she wouldn't be hurting you repeatedly. Perhaps she is a narcissist. Either way, your relationship didn't sound healthy. You have already started with positive steps with ending things and now you just have to think positive and think about yourself and what you deserve. Focus on what you need and what you want and in time things will fall in to place - but you do need to remove the toxin in your life and that's her!

[Dorian]

Thanks for your reply

[Emerald Knight]

I highly recommend escaping the situation entirely. Manipulators such as this in the end only care about their own satisfaction and so you will only be hurt again and again if you don't break it off. I know that it is the hard choice, but I don't want to see anyone else face the pain I've experienced myself. You will ultimately be the more courageous person if you can gather the strength to protect yourself : )

[TWN]

Hey friend,

 

I'm so sorry you had this happen to you, but bottom line is you have to drop her. There really isn't any justification of what she has gone and done. Can I fully say she cared about you, I'm afraid not. I mean maybe she does a bit, but not enough to treat you like a decent human being. I encourage you to not generalize all women to be like this or you'll really dig yourself a hole for someone better in the future. Unfortunately, I have learned that feelings fade and even though they tell you that they loved you yesterday the next the might want nothing to do with you. There's not explanation to it all, but that's just what life dealt you. I do believe that she held on and used you as comfort until the next ride came along. You deserve better than that I hope you make the right choice for yourself.