I hate that my bf kiks with another woman.

[Libby25]

Almost a year ago, my boyfriend went through my phone and read my messages without asking. He didn't find anything because there wasn't anything to find, but it made me mad, I felt violated. So…we all know two wrongs make a right, right? I did it back to him and read through his messages.

 

He’d told me that he talked to this girl every day for two years before we met, but he said they were just friends. Early in our relationship he was talking to her constantly – we’d be snuggled on the sofa and he’d have his phone in his hand texting away with her. We’d be at dinner and he’d be sending her pictures of dinner. I asked him to stop talking to her while he was with me – to BE with me when he’s with me, and that stopped, so it was more tolerable.

 

Well, when I looked through his messages that night, I saw him saying every morning to her “Hello Gorgeous”, “Good Morning Nurse Rachel*”. He sent her photos of him flexing without a shirt on. She sent him TONS of photos with her bending over so you could see down her shirt, or her shirt tugged far down so you could see tons of cleavage. She’s married, so it was “sly”, like sending him a photo of her in her business suit for an interview, but, you know, the phone is low on a chair, so she has to bend over to capture the whole outfit (uh huh) and saying “Interview outfit” and he’d say “OMG, you’re HIRED!”. Ugh. And then she started saying she was having problems in her marriage. She wants to have babies, but her husband isn’t ready yet or wont commit to it yet. My boyfriend sent her a smoldering face selfie (I know that was the intention of the selfie, because I’d asked him to send me a selfie with his smoldering look that day and that was the one he’d sent me) and she said “OMG, how do you not look at yourself and think you need a million babies!” and he said “Maybe I do need another baby!” (he has a daughter, not by me), and she said “Let’s make a million ginger babies!” (he’s a red head) and he said “IN!”. Just…nauseating. I hated it. I told him I was leaving, that I couldn’t take that. He suggested counseling. We did counseling, but the first counselor left the practice, the 2nd one got sick and was gone for a while and we just stopped. We decided he’d stop commenting on the photos from her and stop sending her photos. Good enough.

 

Well, it hasn’t been good enough. It still upsets me that they talk. I feel like he already crossed a line with her and I don’t know how you come back from that. Every time I see a message from her pop up on his phone or see him like one of her photos on Instagram, I get a knot in my stomach. It makes me physically ill. I tell him this, he knows it, but what’s he supposed to do? He thinks I’m unreasonable and maybe I am. But I don’t know how to be ok with this. I’m not ok with it. It’s been a year and I’m still not ok with it.

 

I asked to see his messages the other day. She still sends him so many photos, but they aren’t nearly as provocative – there’s still cleavage, but I suppose it can’t be helped when she’s as busty as she is. And he doesn’t comment much on them. But what bothered me this time is that she sent him a shot of her wearing a short red skirt and she let him know that it was the same color as her panties. … why is she telling him about the color of her panties? And he responded “Good idea, you never know when there might be a stiff breeze when you’re on a busy street wearing a flowy skirt”. I read it to him and he laughed and said “Yeah, I was trying to diffuse it, not sure how else you could respond to that”… uhm, you could not respond to a woman telling you about her panties, that’s an option… creating a scenario where her skirt blows up is probably last on my list of “How to Handle”.

 

I want to ask him to stop talking to her. But I’m terrified of being that jealous controlling girlfriend. That’s not me and it’s not who I want to be. But it’s been a year and I’m still not happy with their interactions, I’m still not comfortable, I still don’t feel safe and secure, it still ties me up in knots. I can’t keep on like this. It’s not healthy for me. I’ve tried to fix me, I’ve tried for a year to be more comfortable with it, but I just can’t seem to get there. So, the way I see it, the only options are for me to ask him to stop talking to her, or to just remove myself from the situation. I've told him that's where I see it going right now. He said he'd talk to her, set a boundary with her. But, I honestly don't think that even with him having that conversation, that I'll ever be comfortable with them interacting. Their relationship started out with flirting..and the boundary setting thing happened in the past and didn't take. Her husband was uncomfortable with their interactions and set some boundaries - one included my BF not sending his wife photos of himself without a shirt on. That worked for a little while, but he started sending them again, so obviously ineffectual. But my BF says to give him a chance to set the boundary, that last time it was her husband and that it'll be different if it's coming from him. So I said I would let him handle it... but, really, I just can't imagine a scenario where her name pops up on his phone and I don't feel like I swallowed a bag of rocks.

 

I don’t like ultimatums, so I don’t like the idea of telling him “her or me”. I kind of feel like…it’s not appropriate for me to ask him to stop talking to her. I try to switch the roles. If I were talking to some guy and we’d crossed a line and he had been uncomfortable for this long… Well, look..they met online on a fitness website, she lives states away, they’ve never met, they only talk through Kik, she’s married… if the roles were reversed, if I imagine myself having met a guy from a fitness website that lived states away that I never met… if it was bothering my boyfriend this much, causing him this much angst, and I really had crossed a line with this guy..hell, even if I hadn’t… what’s some trivial social media friendship compared to a real life flesh and blood relationship? I can’t get to the place in my imagination where he’s asking me to stop talking to the guy and see if I’m ok with that or if it feels controlling. I can’t get to that point, because I would have stopped talking to the guy ages ago. My boyfriend wouldn’t have to ask, I’d just do it, because I don’t want to hurt him and that kind of superficial interaction with some person I met online that I’ve never met just isn’t worth causing someone I love pain. But am I weird or unusual? Is that not a normal response? Is that too extreme?

 

Part of me feels like, if he sees me this upset, this eaten up by it, and doesn’t choose, himself, to remove the irritant, then maybe he’s not the kind of partner I want in my life. But is that not healthy thinking? Is the fault really with me? He thinks I’m being irrational, he says he doesn’t want a relationship with her, he’s not trying to have a relationship with her, he wants me… I’m saying they flirt and I’m not ok with that. I’m not ok with another women talking about her panties to my boyfriend.

 

What should I do?

 

*(not her real name)

 

TL;DR - Boyfriend talks to another girl via kik, they've (IMO and in her husbands opinion) previously crossed a line from friendship to something else and I'm not comfortable with them still talking but don't want to be the controlling jealous girlfriend that tells him who he can and can't talk to. What should I do?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry, they are more than friends. It's up to you if being the "cool girlfriend'' and letting this disrespect go on is something you're ok with.

“Hello Gorgeous”, “Good Morning Nurse Rachel*”. He sent her photos of him flexing without a shirt on. She sent him TONS of photos with her bending over so you could see down her shirt, or her shirt tugged far down so you could see tons of cleavage. She’s married… why is she telling him about the color of her panties?

[SherrySher]

You and your boyfriend have different ideas on what loyalty means. You're not compatible in that way.

Just so you know...I doubt very much that there are many women who would be cool with this scenario. It is emotional cheating (getting close to another women in an intimate sense via talking)...and for many they wouldn't put up with it.

I doubt any of us can tell you what to do but if it were me, I would be walking out the door.

I don't think it's wrong to have a boyfriend with women friends, or to have them say silly things once in a while..but your boyfriend and this women, clearly are attracted to one another and are talking out of interest and attraction,this is not just friends.

You now have to decide whether you will put up with more of it, or walk.

Asking him to not talk to her isn't the way, he will just become more sneaky about it and you're right, controlling isn't the way. They either love and respect you enough to not do it, or they don't.

[littleL_RN]

I agree with Sherry. You have already indicated to him that these exchanges aren't appropriate. The ultimatum shouldn't be necessary at all, nor should you be made to feel that is your only recourse. He should understand how disrespectful this is to you and your (assumingly) exclusive relationship.

 

It seems like you already know that there is no reciprocity here, and it's probably better to move onto to a man who doesn't need to get extra jollies from a social media relationship. He's testing limits and taking for granted that you'll tolerate it. And I have to be honest, just by what you wrote, he strikes me as someone who is insecure and needs constant validation that he's desirable. In the process, he's totally ignoring your hurt. That just doesn't jive with a mature, monogamous relationship.

[becomingkate]

I couldn't tolerate such a level of emotional cheating - I would have to end it.

[Hollyj]

I'm sorry, but this should have been done long ago. You need to set more boundaries in your relationships.

 

He should not be communicating with her at all, as they are emotionally attached. You need to roll up your doormat and be done with guy, as he clearly does not respect you, or love you. You are not a priority, she is.

[Hollyj]

I would have dumped his a$$, when he was texting on the initial dates. That's just rude! The info was there for you!

 

You should not have to ask him to cut contact, he should want to. But, he doesn't care.

 

I really don't understand why you tolerate this! Find someone else.

[Libby25]

I love him and we communicate and try to work through things. We've talked about this a lot and he's positive they are just friends. We did go through a checklist of "is this an emotional affair" and there were some checks, but he said he'd watch those things and set boundaries. It seems so reasonable when we talk about it.

 

I'm so angry today though. And hurt. And after reading most of the above responses, I also feel like I've been a total wet rag, a door mat, and I don't like that feeling.

 

I really want to send her a kik. I want to give her a link to the checklist he and I went through about emotional affairs and I want to say something like "Next time you want to tell my boyfriend about the color of your underwear, don't".

 

I just want her to know that I know and that it's not ok. But maybe that's not the right thing to do either.

 

Ugh, I don't know. I just... I don't want to throw out the entire relationship just because I'm not happy with this, especially since I've never asked him to not talk to her.

 

I'm lost.

[Chon]

I think it's worth you reading up Emotional cheating and Gas Lighting as two concepts that apply to your relationship with your partner.

 

Your thread history shows that this isn't something new either unfortunately. He's just terrible at putting in boundaries and consequently doesn't respect you enough as a person to enforce these boundaries.

 

Some might argue that people need to communicate their boundaries and expectations, but in this scenario, most people wouldn't be happy with this sort of thing. The wife's husband recognised this and I think it's really sad for him that he had to resort to telling your boyfriend what to do.

 

I'm sorry but the fact that he completely disregarded his request (shirtless) just shows that ultimately he doesn't care about other's people's marriages. He's thinking selfishly about himself and the wife. Is this the sort of person you are happy being with?

 

He isn't faithful and isn't loyal.

 

You may love each other, but that doesn't change the fact that what he is doing isn't right. It's something that you have spoken to him about and he continues to disregard it. Whilst it's no comparison, it reminds me of people who leave abusive/addictive spouses, and how they found it so difficult because love is still there.

[Hollyj]

I love him and we communicate and try to work through things. We've talked about this a lot and he's positive they are just friends. We did go through a checklist of "is this an emotional affair" and there were some checks, but he said he'd watch those things and set boundaries. It seems so reasonable when we talk about it.

 

I'm so angry today though. And hurt. And after reading most of the above responses, I also feel like I've been a total wet rag, a door mat, and I don't like that feeling.

 

I really want to send her a kik. I want to give her a link to the checklist he and I went through about emotional affairs and I want to say something like "Next time you want to tell my boyfriend about the color of your underwear, don't".

 

I just want her to know that I know and that it's not ok. But maybe that's not the right thing to do either.

 

Ugh, I don't know. I just... I don't want to throw out the entire relationship just because I'm not happy with this, especially since I've never asked him to not talk to her.

 

I'm lost.

 

She is not your problem, he is. He is making an active choice to keep her in his life. You should always look at someone's actions, not their words.

 

Your boyfriend has thrown away the relationship. Are you wiling to deal with this for your remaining years? He will not change!

[charity]

No No no no no!!! Holy moly. Seriously how have you two convinced yourselves that this is ok?.

Two rational options here.

1. Leave him. This is what most people would do.

2. Give him the ultimatum. And make no apologies for it. It has gone on long enough.

[Wiseman2]

Do not communicate with her or send her links. They are sexting that may be why 'emotional affair' formulas don't work. It's a cybersex relationship.

We did go through a checklist of "is this an emotional affair" and there were some checks I want to give her a link to the checklist he and I went through about emotional affairs and I want to say something like "Next time you want to tell my boyfriend about the color of your underwear, don't"

[RainyCoast]

I can’t get to the place in my imagination where he’s asking me to stop talking to the guy and see if I’m ok with that or if it feels controlling. I can’t get to that point, because I would have stopped talking to the guy ages ago. My boyfriend wouldn’t have to ask, I’d just do it, because I don’t want to hurt him and that kind of superficial interaction with some person I met online that I’ve never met just isn’t worth causing someone I love pain.

exactly, he knows full well you're upset and he knows it's wrong. he just doesn't care about that enough to cut her off. seeing as he never showed any intention of doing that, i think you should either have walked when you first found out or stated that it was you or her. i can't imagine what your counseling sessions must've looked like if they enabled him to keep doing this but with you doubting your sanity and allowing for it calmly?

 

Part of me feels like, if he sees me this upset, this eaten up by it, and doesn’t choose, himself, to remove the irritant, then maybe he’s not the kind of partner I want in my life.

yes, and you'd be right. he is actively choosing to disregard you, in favor of having this with her. he is making his preferences very clear. you've done nothing for him to experience it in practical terms that you.will.not.have.this. so he has no reason to stop. conscience, decency, fairness, morals would be reason enough for most people, but by now, i think it's safe to conclude he has none of that. you've conditioned him to believe " there are no consequences to this, you won't dump him, he doesn't have to cut her off, and he'll eat his cake. and it's your own problem if you're miserable, there must be something wrong with how you see things." ughhh!!

 

 

she's not interested in you persuading her into not sexting your partner! psychoeducation for the cheaters accomplice, delivered to them by the wife. lessons in morals---for people who have none. yeah, that'll work! not!

 

sorry, but these two are who they are. the choices you have are to endure this or to leave. you are rationalizing staying by coming up with ways that would change their behavior and their morals so that you are spared from making the inevitable decision.

 

i don't blame you for not finding them or your position in this dynamic unacceptable. noone self-respecting would. but when you decline the choice to accept it as it is (again, as would anyone sane and self-respecting imo), then you need to own the remaining choice of leaving. changing others so that they would fit with your idea of a proper relationship (however "right" your idea is) isn't an option. it won't happen, and it shouldn't. you accept someone with the downsides, stay, you don't, leave.

 

bargaining is a natural phase, but understand that it's merely that, a phase, a transient method employed by the ego so that it can trick itself to gradually come to accept a loss. it isn't a method that can regain the lost object. you've bargained, you've allowed yourself to be made to believe you are crazy, it yielded nothing. he is dumping the responsibility on you to simply accept it's not wrong to be cheated and disrespected by that, and in the same breath, he slips knowing he's wrong by soliciting for more time and more time suggesting he can "curb" his cheating and disrespect when the husband enforces a new boundary. incredible!! does that sound like someone who wants to be respectful of your feelings and loyal?!

 

this is obviously so bad for you, there's no benefit in staying. he is appalingly selfish and disrespectful. i'd perhaps be even more upset about having my intelligence insulted with the crap he comes up with than the actual cheating.

[Wiseman2]

"Next time you want to tell my boyfriend about the color of your underwear, don't".

[video=youtube;iecixko7HbQ] ]

[RainyCoast]

suggesting he can "curb" his cheating and disrespect when the husband enforces a new boundary.

please think about this-- he is putting the onus on you to stop his behavior for him. actually, no,not to stop it, he doesn't want to stop it at all, but to "curb" it, not even that because he's like "okay, i'll just text her with my shirt ON for a change. and then comment on her panties. or, i'll keep my shirt on, but she will be bent beyond her clothing's capacity". why doesn't he just say "can i bang her if i promise to keep a sour face while doing it"?

 

i'll still cybercheat, i'll just keep my shirt on. okay not my shirt, turns out i can't do that, how about my hat, can i keep doing it if i keep my hat on?

 

seriously. at this point i'd be laughing hysterically at how pathetic he is. while leaving.

 

he has been lying to you and going behind your back from day one. you've seen all you needed to see from him.

[nutbrownhare]

You have done your very best to come to terms with a situation which is completely disrespectful of both you and your relationship together. You feel incredibly uncomfortable because you are continually having your boundaries stomped all over; you don't need to look at a checklist to see if this situation is wrong for you, actually, because your guts are already telling you this very, very clearly.

 

You are NOT the one being unreasonable here, but you are allowing his unreasonable behaviour - and this is not likely to change. I get that the rest of the relationship may be wonderful, but I promise you that there are plenty of guys out there with whom you can have a wonderful relationship without them needing to exchange inappropriate messages with some slapper online.

 

Let him know that it's fine for him to keep up this 'friendship' - it's just that it's his business and it won't be any of yours in the future. Then gently let him go, move on and find yourself someone with similar values to yours. It certainly isn't this guy, and don't underestimate what a devastating effect this kind of behaviour can have on your self esteem.

 

Sometimes the reasonable thing is to stop tolerating an intolerable situation, take responsibility for your own wellbeing - and walk away.

[Ms Darcy]

Like many women, you try to pretzel yourself and change your values to keep the relationship. He knows it's an issue for you and continues to do it (because he wants to). You know that you cannot handle it. There is no change for either of you here.

 

This is what we call incompatibility.

[SherrySher]

Please find your self respect and strength again to let this man go and find someone who is going to respect you. He is making your entire relationship and your feelings into a joke.

He has no need to have this other woman in his life, other than to have flirtations and sexual innuendos with her. You should never find yourself sharing your boyfriend with any other women in any sense like this.

 

And as far as your boyfriend goes...he has a very mixed up idea on what love is. Love is about respecting the other person's feelings and their heart. It's about taking care of them and their feelings and not doing anything that would cause any kind of pain.

If he loved you like he said he does, he would have dropped this "friend" long time ago and not held her so high as a priority in his life.You can't change him, the only thing you can do now is walk away with your head held high.

 

You know as well as all the rest of us that "friends" do not share suggestive photos, nor do they talk about having babies together.

 

And lastly, don't be angry at her and asking her to change....this is your boyfriends fault. He is keeping this woman in his life and is enjoying her flirtations and attentions.

[Libby25]

I came home last night and reversed the car into the driveway in case I was going to be loading my stuff into the car to leave that night. He said he'd have a boundary discussion with her. I decided if he hadn't had the discussion or if it wasn't acceptable, I'd ask him to stop talking to her. To delete kik, to delete her from all social media and to have no contact with her. If he refused or got angry or said I was being ridiculous, I'd pack up and go. This is bad for my spirit, I don't need it to continue.

 

So, after dinner, I asked to see his kiks. He hadn't had the conversation with her. And she was discussing the problems with her marriage. She sent him a video her husband made for her letting her know that he was ready to start a family with her like she's wanted. She told my BF that she said no. The messages were brief, unemotional, detached, and not heavy volume. I felt bad for her. And I re-read the messages they sent previously. It didn't seem so bad - even the one where she mentioned her panties. She actually sent him a photo of a pile of her shoes and he said that was a lot of shoes and she said that she matches them to her underwear. She said underwear...she didn't say panties... that's... not sexy. And his comment back...it did seem non-sexual after re-reading it. He said "That's smart. Never know when a breeze will come by when you're on a busy street or something to that effect - with the smiley emoji. I don't know...it just... it seemed harmless after a re-read.

 

But they've definitely crossed the line in the past and that's why I'm so hyper now. And I don't like their communication on kik. Something about that bothers me. It makes it feel hidden. On his part, on her part. I know he doesn't delete anything or hide anything from me. And I also know he hasn't really been the one instigating the sexy stuff, she does, and he has reacted decently well lately. The scenario with the skirt blowing up wasn't ideal, but it also wasn't a heavy breathing horny "let me see" kind of response either.

 

I don't want to tell him who he can and can't be friends with. I told him if he's going to be friends with her (and it seems like she really needs a friend right now), to be FRIENDS, just friends, and to thwart anything sexual from her.

 

I also told him to delete kik. To tell her kik was too buggy on his phone and to give her his cell # if she wants to continue talking. I trust him not to hide or delete anything. I trust that his intentions are honest. And if hers are too, she'll have no problem switching to text vs. kik. I'm not sure why it makes me feel more comfortable. I guess kik seems a bit nefarious and he only has it to talk to her and it's separate from his "real" life. If it's coming in through text, the same way he gets messages from his mother and his daughter and me...I don't know, I just think it'll make it more "real" for him and maybe he'll be more cautious...?

 

He said he'd do this. I told him it was just to try it out. That if I still wasn't comfortable, that it might come down to either removing myself from the situation or asking him to stop talking to her. I told him this was pretty close to being a deal breaker for me. He seemed to take that seriously.

 

He's a good person. He really is. And he tries. He's absolutely clueless sometimes, and our values and boundaries definitely don't naturally match up, but when I explain things to him, he does his very best to navigate it and align to my values. There have been a lot of things during our relationship that I was uncomfortable with and he's made great strides towards making me more comfortable. We just have a little bit to go. And he's big on communication. Sometimes, he can be a little manipulative, he's been told that before, and I definitely see it, but I don't think it's evil... it's just... It's mostly harmless.

 

Maybe I'm an absolute fool. Maybe. But there's so much that's so good about this relationship. He says he's willing to put the work in to make it work and that he always will be willing to do that. Maybe that's good enough. God I hope so.

[Blue Ridge]

That is your choice and I wish you guys the best. But I expect the envelope to be pushed again sooner than later so would put a 100% zero tolerance policy in place from here on out. Even one little thing crosses the line, and you need to go.

[Hollyj]

Excuses and denial!

 

BTW, I don't discuss my underwear or panties with my male friends.

 

Good luck!

[nutbrownhare]

I came home last night and reversed the car into the driveway in case I was going to be loading my stuff into the car to leave that night. He said he'd have a boundary discussion with her. I decided if he hadn't had the discussion or if it wasn't acceptable, I'd ask him to stop talking to her. To delete kik, to delete her from all social media and to have no contact with her. If he refused or got angry or said I was being ridiculous, I'd pack up and go. This is bad for my spirit, I don't need it to continue.

 

So, after dinner, I asked to see his kiks. He hadn't had the conversation with her. And she was discussing the problems with her marriage. She sent him a video her husband made for her letting her know that he was ready to start a family with her like she's wanted. She told my BF that she said no. The messages were brief, unemotional, detached, and not heavy volume. I felt bad for her. And I re-read the messages they sent previously. It didn't seem so bad - even the one where she mentioned her panties. She actually sent him a photo of a pile of her shoes and he said that was a lot of shoes and she said that she matches them to her underwear. She said underwear...she didn't say panties... that's... not sexy. And his comment back...it did seem non-sexual after re-reading it. He said "That's smart. Never know when a breeze will come by when you're on a busy street or something to that effect - with the smiley emoji. I don't know...it just... it seemed harmless after a re-read.

 

But they've definitely crossed the line in the past and that's why I'm so hyper now. And I don't like their communication on kik. Something about that bothers me. It makes it feel hidden. On his part, on her part. I know he doesn't delete anything or hide anything from me. And I also know he hasn't really been the one instigating the sexy stuff, she does, and he has reacted decently well lately. The scenario with the skirt blowing up wasn't ideal, but it also wasn't a heavy breathing horny "let me see" kind of response either.

 

I don't want to tell him who he can and can't be friends with. I told him if he's going to be friends with her (and it seems like she really needs a friend right now), to be FRIENDS, just friends, and to thwart anything sexual from her.

 

I also told him to delete kik. To tell her kik was too buggy on his phone and to give her his cell # if she wants to continue talking. I trust him not to hide or delete anything. I trust that his intentions are honest. And if hers are too, she'll have no problem switching to text vs. kik. I'm not sure why it makes me feel more comfortable. I guess kik seems a bit nefarious and he only has it to talk to her and it's separate from his "real" life. If it's coming in through text, the same way he gets messages from his mother and his daughter and me...I don't know, I just think it'll make it more "real" for him and maybe he'll be more cautious...?

 

He said he'd do this. I told him it was just to try it out. That if I still wasn't comfortable, that it might come down to either removing myself from the situation or asking him to stop talking to her. I told him this was pretty close to being a deal breaker for me. He seemed to take that seriously.

 

He's a good person. He really is. And he tries. He's absolutely clueless sometimes, and our values and boundaries definitely don't naturally match up, but when I explain things to him, he does his very best to navigate it and align to my values. There have been a lot of things during our relationship that I was uncomfortable with and he's made great strides towards making me more comfortable. We just have a little bit to go. And he's big on communication. Sometimes, he can be a little manipulative, he's been told that before, and I definitely see it, but I don't think it's evil... it's just... It's mostly harmless.

 

Maybe I'm an absolute fool. Maybe. But there's so much that's so good about this relationship. He says he's willing to put the work in to make it work and that he always will be willing to do that. Maybe that's good enough. God I hope so.

 

Reading this makes me put my head in my hands.

 

As Holly says, good luck!

[Chon]

What his wife needs is not a friend, but to work at her marriage rather than relying on "friends" for emotional support that she should be seeking from her husband.

 

In this scenario, it's her responsibility to realise that, but be totally clear, she is destroying her own marriage with her emotional affair with your boyfriend even if your boyfriend doesn't have that intention.

 

If he were a true friend, he would understand this about their flirtatious dynamic and what he represents to her. As it stands, all I see is a dynamic where both party enjoys the attention, but has realised that they need to dial it back a little but are still unwilling to let it drop completely.

 

Usually there are two outcomes, one where both parties just drift away or that the flirting comes back and becomes a secret affair. Regardless, it's not really a real friendship.

 

 

So, after dinner, I asked to see his kiks. He hadn't had the conversation with her. And she was discussing the problems with her marriage. She sent him a video her husband made for her letting her know that he was ready to start a family with her like she's wanted. She told my BF that she said no.

 

How is this OK? Please place yourself in her husband's shoes. How would you feel if something very intimate and private to you was shared with a stranger?

 

The messages were brief, unemotional, detached, and not heavy volume. I felt bad for her. And I re-read the messages they sent previously. It didn't seem so bad - even the one where she mentioned her panties. She actually sent him a photo of a pile of her shoes and he said that was a lot of shoes and she said that she matches them to her underwear. She said underwear...she didn't say panties... that's... not sexy. And his comment back...it did seem non-sexual after re-reading it. He said "That's smart. Never know when a breeze will come by when you're on a busy street or something to that effect - with the smiley emoji. I don't know...it just... it seemed harmless after a re-read.

 

Might not be sexy but that doesn't remove the emotional bonding element. Please see this.

[SherrySher]

Let your boyfriend know that I wish him good luck with his relationship to this woman. It is only a matter of time that they will be a couple. She is having problems with her husband and is relying heavily on your boyfriend. You will be phased out in time and they will be together. I can't even feel sorry for you as you handed him to her and you basically told her to have what she likes and kept looking the other way. I know you think this might sounds ridiculous...but the writing is on the wall. You wait and see..they are getting closer and closer and you let it happen.

The only time you will believe it is when she is in his arms and they are waving goodbye to you...but I do really believe that this is only a matter of time.

If you don't keep close what is yours...you may as well hand it away.

[Hollyj]

Let your boyfriend know that I wish him good luck with his relationship to this woman. It is only a matter of time that they will be a couple. She is having problems with her husband and is relying heavily on your boyfriend. You will be phased out in time and they will be together. I can't even feel sorry for you as you handed him to her and you basically told her to have what she likes and kept looking the other way. I know you think this might sounds ridiculous...but the writing is on the wall. You wait and see..they are getting closer and closer and you let it happen.

The only time you will believe it is when she is in his arms and they are waving goodbye to you...but I do really believe that this is only a matter of time.

If you don't keep close what is yours...you may as well hand it away.

 

But, she shouldn't have to police him, as this relationship should not exist. She is so desperate to hold on to this guy that she is will to accept the disrespect and betrayal. It's on her..