he cheated online for months

[byllie]

He cheated by chatting sex talk with males and females for months. He met up with one to get a hand job (it was a male) he says he was very uncomfortable and realised it was just the flirting and sexting he enjoyed so just continued with that untill i found out.

Now so sorry and disgusted with himself.

I have given him an out, said we could still be friends if he was gay and i would understand and support him. (All while dying inside) he swears he loves me and it's me and our relationship he wants. He believes he became addicted to the high the risk factor gave him.

I had no clue he never stopped being affectionate or loving towards me i had no idea.

Anyone been here?

[Wiseman2]

You may want to end it because of the high risk sex.

He cheated by chatting sex talk with males and females for months. He met up with one to get a hand job (it was a male) he says he was very uncomfortable and realised it was just the flirting and sexting he enjoyed so just continued

[Hollyj]

He got caught. That's the only thing he regrets.

 

Why would you be friends with someone who cheated and deceived you? Don't you think you deserve better friends? Plus, you cannot be friends with someone you have feelings for.

 

Get away from this guy, and get tested. Immediately.! No one is worth losing your life over.

[byllie]

No second chances? Just walk? What if he has learned his lesson got a wake up call and truly won't do it again? What if i give up on someone so loving because he made a mistake ( a bloody big one i know) what about commitment? What about staying through good and bad?

Am i no better if i turn away?

[shellyf62]

He lied to your face by omission. He met this guy behind your back. He made plans to meet him around the plans he made with you. It was a conscious effort to meet him. This was NO mistake.

What happens if you decide to stay, he decides he enjoys the high risk fun & continues, but hides it better from you this time?

 

How did you find out about this?

[Hollyj]

Are you serious! Are you cool with him having sex with men? You're living in dreamland! I would feel sick, if I found out my partner were doing these things.

 

If he loved you, he wouldn't have cheated on you.

 

I thought you only wanted to be his friend? Which is it it?

 

HE LIED TO YOU! These were huge lies! He broke the commitment, when he cheated on you! Not even the bible condones cheating - I am not religious. No one would ever expect a partner to stay with a cheater.

 

Do you value yourself so little to stay in this type of situation? I guarantee he will do this again, and you will only have yourself to blame. Are you really ready to risk your life for this creep?

[byllie]

No!!! I am not ok with any of this. I hatee that i did nothing wrong yet my heart is broken and i am filled with questions only i can answer yet i am torn.

If he were to do it again i would leave no hesitation i wouldn't even give him a chance to cry beg or plead with me the only way he would know i know is his play station would be smashed to bits and i would be gone.

However i am a very understanding supportive person i believe no one is perfect and we all do dumb and make poor choices.

This is massive i get that and believe me i was and still am sick when i think about what he has done.

I don't know if he did anything more than the hand job he received, (i know that is bad enough and more than enough of a reason to walk)

I found out by me receiving an email that was meant to go to his phone. There is no real explanation as to how it happened other than divine intervention. I have always been shown things throughout my life that i have needed to know and most of how i find out is unexplainable.

I love him i dont trust him and i dont want to control him. His choices are his and mine are mine.

You are right if this does happen again i only have myself to blame fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me and i own that. I know i would walk with my head held high knowing i did all i could and he ruined everything.

Im just not sure i can or should walk without one last try.

I realise these may seem foolish to most but i never give up on someone when they want another cjance when they appear sincerely sorry but i do have my limits and he is well aware of all of this.

I guess i wonder why he didn't just walk? Why he wants to beg and plead for another chance if i am not really what he is wanting.

I truly appreciate all of your time agree or disagree i thank you so very much.

Yes i did say i would be his friend if he was gay we couldn't be in a relationship anymore but i would support him if he wanted to come out. He has stressed this is not the case.

If he did it again there would be nothing.

[Hollyj]

Understanding and supportive are one thing, but this goes way beyond that. He is waaaaaaay beyond perfect if you are looking for a monogamous, healthy relationship. This you will not have.

 

You are minimizing a very serious issue because you are so desperate to stay with someone who does not value you or your love. It's too bad he does not have the same commitment.

 

God only knows what you don't know. This is the tip of the iceberg. This guy wants to be with many.

 

You are being shown something, but refusing to act wisely. I cannot believe you would trust this person again. I guess you will continue to play detective because you are too fearful of being on your own. I'm sorry, but this is bottom of the barrel, when it comes to relationships.

 

I hope that do what's best for you, and let him go on his way. He won't stop the behavior.

[Hollyj]

Get tested!!!!

[byllie]

I am not scared of being alone i have a wonderful family i am a good person with a lot of love to give and know i could move on. I just dont feel right doing so without giving it another chance.

I have been tested as has he. All clear.

I left but yes have returned to give it a go after he begged and pleaded.

I dont know why he did that if he doesn't want me. He could have just gone on with his games without me but he begged for me to give him another chance. Why would someone do that? I left he was free to do whatever with whoever but he swears he just wants me and he's sorry.

I respect anyone who would walk after such deceit but i also would understand if they wanted to give it another go.

I guess it's easy to comment when on the outside with cut him move on, i always thought that cheating any shape or form was a deal breaker but here i am.

[boltnrun]

Like I've said before...a mistake is accidentally putting sugar in the salt canister.

 

What he did was deliberate, intentional and planned. Not once, but ongoing, for a long, long time.

 

He begged you back because there's something you provide that he still wants.

[Hollyj]

You are condoning it, by returning,

 

You really should more about yourself and your future. This guy will not be able to provide anything stable, but I believe you already know that.

 

He gets something out of your relationship, as well as his multiple sex partner. Blech!

[Ms Darcy]

No second chances? Just walk? What if he has learned his lesson got a wake up call and truly won't do it again? What if i give up on someone so loving because he made a mistake ( a bloody big one i know) what about commitment? What about staying through good and bad?

Am i no better if i turn away?

 

Are you the cheatee or cheater in disguise?

 

Because it's only ever cheaters that I hear talking about the value of commitment when they don't want to get dumped for ... well, cheating.

[Ms Darcy]

If he did it again there would be nothing.

 

But what about commitment? About standing by each other through "thick and thin" as you say. Honestly, you should stay with someone who cheats. And hey, if he beats you, it's your fault so you should just stay.

 

Once you start using commitment as a reason to excuse the inexcusable, no behavior is a dealbreaker.

[Wiseman2]

This proclivity will continue, probably more discretely if you are ok with that.

What if he has learned his lesson got a wake up call and truly won't do it again?

[Emerald Knight]

Please, get away from this man.

 

As someone who has experienced infidelity myself I can say with certainty that these kind of people are incapable of redemption and undeserving of mercy. If you allow him back in your life you will be enabling him to repeat this behavior as all he will have learned is that he can treat you with disrespect and get away with it. Such individuals are the lowest scum of the Earth and someone as kind as you needn't be affiliated with their kind.

[shellyf62]

This proclivity will continue, probably more discretely if you are ok with that.

 

My thoughts exactly.

Are you going to keep tabs on him & double check everything he says & does, or wait for the divine intervention again?

[youareworthy]

Dear Byllie,

 

I have been in this situation. My guy was cheating for months. It was only when I saw texts on his phone that he began the begging, the pleading, the "but I love you and not her" talk. He said was feeling massively guilty about it while he was cheating, but he still did it--for 6 months! What the heck???

 

When he got caught, he blamed the woman he was sexting. What does that say about him? He didn't have her back, and he obviously didn't have mine!!! He was a jerk to both of us. I am not excusing her behavior, AT ALL, I am just saying that as soon as he got caught, he dumped her cold, even though I could see in his texts and emails him telling her over and over that loved her and not me. I could also see he had an active plan to leave me for her, down to the date he was moving out. But when I found out, he swore he loved me and not her. He was telling us both the same lies. What a loser!) But he only dumped her because he got caught, not because he really stopped wanting her. He had cheated on me before, a long time ago, but I was only 15 or 16, and I didn't understand a lot then.

 

The last time was the last straw for me. Even though this time he is a lot older, he is still operating by the same methods as when we were young.

 

He had been faithful for so long, I thought he was with me forever, but it was actually a lie. This emotional/sexting affair is what it took for me to finally get that he is a cheater through and through.

 

I am sorry to say, but I see a lot of parallels. Your guy cheated online for months. Your guy acted in person on this obsession. Your guy would have kept going if you hadn't found out. Please believe me that he will continue to cheat, no matter how much he cries about it, no matter how good he can act for a while.

 

Your guy has shown you that he his able to carry on long-term consistent cheating decision-making; this means he will keep doing it. I would bet my life savings on that. I learned the very, very hard way. Spare yourself the awful pain I went through, please!

 

Youareworthy