Accused of Harassment at Work By Ex

[Eyebrows]

I'm absolutely stunned. My manager pulled me aside the other day and said my ex has accused me of harassment, that I'm lurking and waiting in corridors for her.

 

The thing is...I feel like maybe I have harassed her. I was going through a lot and reached out a few times to talk to her about my Dad's depression. I guess I was hoping if I could explain that I'd been going through a lot at the time of the break-up that it would explain why I hadn't been quite so fun or engaging towards the end of the relationship. I was also diagnosed with an AVM around that time.

 

She agreed to talk to me about my Dad but when I messaged about the AVM she said she couldn't have me in her life doing this. Then I get hit with the harassment. Part of me had been trying to reach out as a friend because we were friends before we got together.

 

In the workplace, my hours had changed so there were times I've been coming into the building the same time as her or in the canteen waiting for my shift to start and she might be wondering why I'm there at that time. I also have friends, good friends, that sit on the team next to her and had been down there talking to them the other day.

 

For what it's worth, the allegations aren't going any further. My manager told me that all the other managers had agreed that she is manipulative, for a lot of other reasons too. Her line manager's line manager is already furious with her because she kicked off at a colleague the other week. I've been told by management that she's come out of this looking much worse than me and that it says more about her than it does me. Like, seriously, I rescue snails on the garden path so they don't get stood on. The idea that I could harm another person...it just isn't me.

 

I'm a popular person in the workplace, people there know I would never deliberately cause anyone distress. She apparently rang victim support too and I couldn't believe that. If I'd been abusive in the relationship I'd have understood but all she used to say was how could one person be so good to her. I took her to Europe, she got homesick the first day and I spent ten days looking after her while she cried about it and I can't reconcile that girl with the girl that's done this. I could have lost my job and she knows I'm supporting my Dad right now. Victim support, I mean I assumed that's for people who are legitimately being stalked or abused or something. The fact that she thinks I could turn up at her house says she didn't really know me at all.

 

She has a new boyfriend so maybe that's why she's kicking off about it now. This girl who claimed she never felt beautiful or got male attention before me has had three boyfriends in a year. Christ, she sent me baby clothes pictures, said I was her soulmate and we'd grow old together. I can't believe she thinks so lowly about me now. It was the language used, "lurking"...I just can't believe it. I've seen her maybe 8 times at work since the break-up in January and I've talked to her once, when I saw her on the way in when she'd agreed to talk to me about my Dad and I pretty much just said 'thank you' and that I was glad we were talking as friends.

 

Everyone on here has warned me about her in my previous threads on the matter but I just didn't listen. I guess I thought the girl I met was in there somewhere. It wouldn't hurt so bad if it wasn't for her asking to come on my trip then making me end it early. Even when we broke up she would say that I've given her everything and all she's done is take. I thought the sweet girl I met was in there still but I think it was all an act. When she went to see management via the union she went in shaking and crying...but my friend on the team next to her says she's just been fine at work, laughing and chatting, not at all looking like someone worried about being harassed. It hurts as well that she's just apparently fine, when throughout the entire relationship all I got was her complaining and moaning and crying and getting emotional over things.

 

I guess it's just hard looking back and seeing that she never really cared about me, she only really loved the feeling of being loved. Breaks up with her ex (who she said she loved, also called him emotionally unstable), slept with me three days later, tells me she loves me and I'm her soulmate, tells me she is worried about messing up and losing me, breaks up with me and now has a new boyfriend. It's like the whole relationship was fake.

 

It makes me feel like a creep as well.

 

But this girl always acts extremely to everything. She cried because she didn't know my middle name, would get mad so quickly over innocuous text messages. I suppose this is another extreme reaction but it's made me feel less than dirt to think that my first love thinks of me this way.

[Eyebrows]

Also, why is my self-esteem so low that I still miss the girl after everything she's done.

 

She turned me down originally, then kept on flirting with me and I didn't know where I stood.

She came on my trip with me after seven weeks of love-bombing me, cried when she got there and I took her home.

She sent me pictures of baby clothes two weeks after I told her I'd lost a child to an abortion years ago.

She met my parents three weeks before breaking up with me.

She levels accusations of harassment at me.

She destroyed my confidence in the relationship as well. I felt like I was walking on eggshells trying not to upset her in the end.

 

Three months of calling me soulmate, explicitly sexting, telling me all about her future then she walks away from me. It makes me feel like the most unattractive guy in the world to have someone who seems so obsessed and infatuated with you, wearing yellow just for you, wanting to save all her clothes for you, and then to lose it. And anything unattractive she saw was a direct result of her crying on the trip and asking what the point of her was, telling me I was too good to her and anyone else would have told her to get out.

 

I didn't know her to talk to her after that. When I met her I was so confident and had my life together. The trip just destroyed all my confidence and she never gave me the chance to talk about it prior to the break-up.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. She sounds like a drama queen. the victim mentality fits right in there.

[LightWave93]

Sorry this happened. She sounds like a drama queen. the victim mentality fits right in there.

 

I agree with this. Stay clear, my friend.

[DancingFool]

Rescuing snails is great, failing to recognize someone who has some serious mental issues not so great, continuing to stay involved with them after they have clearly and unequivocally demonstrated to you that they are not a mentally stable/normal individual is really really bad and will result in consequences.

 

I am amazed that you are still fixated on the "she never loved" instead of "she is not all there and dangerous and I should stay away from this person as far as possible".

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not trying to minimize your pain, but this is one of the many consequences of dating in the workplace. Unless you're high up on the ladder, it may be helpful to look for another job.

 

Either way, be kind to yourself and take the time to heal.

[agent1607307371]

Part of me had been trying to reach out as a friend because we were friends before we got together.

 

Mate, no. You broke up and she's dating. She is not your friend. You were going after inapporpriate comfort and she's burnt you for it.