Heartbroken

[jasminemarie7]

I was in a 8 year relationship with my ex(he is 35 I'm 29) I moved into his parents home of January of this year(this was our second time living together)it has been difficult because May of last year his mom, who was his rock died of a slow and painful cancer in the home that we all witnessed. We all(him, his sister and I) took turns caing for her. And even though it was hard during that time i saw us really growing. We had our ups and downs living in that house ,but who wouldn't right?

 

He went on a road trip to Chicago to visit his aunt after memorial weekend for two weeks which is huge cause we are in California. He seemed to miss me called/text daily and then he got home and completely shut down. The past two weeks prior to the breakup I have asked over and over "what's wrong, do you love me, do you want me here?" He said yes. I know I shouldn't have kept asking ,but he wouldn't talk to me still. Then he dropped a huge bomb (July 8 )he said "we aren't where we should be, I need to work on myself,its not you it's me" (I feel like he gave me every cop out possible).

 

I said "you don't love me?" he said he was "sorry" then I said I thought "we be together forever" he said so did he. I didn't cry, beg or call since, I moved everything out and he was so cold he walked me to the door and said "bye" and just stared at me, no hug no tears not even a pat on the back. That breakup talk lasted what felt like a whole 5mins.

 

I can barley work, eat and sleep, I have anxiety attacks all day. His sister and I are close she said he told me she asked if we weren't bickering as much would I still be there, he said yes. I asked her if he told her he didn't love me she said no... Then I made the mistake of speaking to his uncle/aunt(im really close with) and they told him we spoke, and his best friend's girlfriend I asked her not to say anything to him but she did and he told my ex. Since then I've been trying to be Mia...I haven't spoken to him in almost 30 days now. I was told he has cut his hair(his hair was down to the middle of his back) and is looking for a real job...he was working here and there for his friend ,but not a lot. He told his sister "who knows in 6 months this could either be the best decision or worse" and if I date for her not to tell him and he "says" he doesn't want to date for a while.

 

I'm getting worried I haven't heard from him since he seems to be OK without me. Maybe he isn't calling cause he actually wants me to get over him, and maybe he realized on his trip he wasn't as in love with me as I was with him.

 

I could be naggy, and a pain sometimes, and not let things go at times. I always made sure to give him space I didn't mean to be such a pain. And I didn't want anything out of him, if he wasn't ready for marriage or kids I'm fine. What I really wanna know do you think I have a chance? I am his first serious girlfriend...I feel lost with no answers, he left me with confusion unless I'm just not seeing it.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like his mothers death prompted him to reevaluate things and get his act together. What was all the bickering about and why did he not work full time?

if we weren't bickering as much would I still be there, he said yes. I was told he has cut his hair(his hair was down to the middle of his back) and is looking for a real job

[ControlDenied]

Yes, you have a chance. But you MUST let him go. Start living your life and be the best person you can be. Do not tie yourself to this man or any man. Only doing that you will become a valuable person to be in a relationship.

I suspect he realized he needed to grow up and become a better person by himself before taking on another person in his life, that is a healthy decision.

[jasminemarie7]

It was honestly nothing normal bickering about the stupidest petty stuff. It is when he came back and shut down he didn't seem like he wanted me around and I took it personal because he wasn't talking to me he would make "jokes". Since he wasn't talking to me and to everyone else it didn't seem like a joke...and that's when I would either feel hurt and say nothing or lash out and say something clearly in defense and he say see I can't joke with you.

He at one point ran cable/fiber optics and lost his job. His best friend had a painting company. He did that for a while then his bestie moved to Texas with his girlfriend, that's about the time i moved in and he would play video games and hang out at the house maybe do something as far painting or something for his dad around the house ,but not a lot. I would get home from work and it would kinda be messy or the dog would pee(his moms dog started peeing in the house, even though he has a dog door after she got sick) I would complain and clean it. He would say I'm gonna look for a job and just wouldn't. His best friends brother who was also his friend said he can paint again here and there for him so he took his trip for two weeks then that Monday he started it and hated it. So to pretty much answer your question I have no clue, just wasn't motivated I'm guessing. I feel like maybe if I was the one he would've done anything to get his life together...when his mom was dying I never felt closer and stronger to someone than I did with him. His dad didn't clean her diaper(he was emotionally destroyed), or get up at all hours when she was screaming he did. I never admired anyone like I do him.

 

I can't stop blaming myself if I wasn't such a complainer and nag. I haven't spoken to him in a month and not sure what to do...please tell me something good...I haven't had any good news if any at all. I feel like he was indifferent... Which is the worse thing to ever be in my situation.

[jasminemarie7]

Do you think it is a bad sign he hasn't spoken to me and seemed a bit indifferent?(I hate that word). His sister also said he is "sad and misses me ,but not losing sleep over me ,he is content with being alone and not having to answer to anyone and being responsible for anyone." I feel like I've been through almost everything with him he hasnt been the easist person and I haven't walked away once, I've always known I have wanted to grow old, senile ,and shrink with him now it looks like and feels like the feeling isn't mutual.

[jasminemarie7]

I forgot to mention this isnt the first time he has broken up with me he did once 2 years ago, and another time in 2011...so a total of 3 times

[Wiseman2]

After caring for his mother and her death he needed to get his life together. Not continue on the same trajectory of unemployment, complacency and going nowhere.

"sad and misses me ,but not losing sleep over me ,he is content with being alone and not having to answer to anyone and being responsible for anyone."

[ControlDenied]

Where arw you in your life?

[jasminemarie7]

I am a nanny m-f while I go to school to become a vet tech, the day Mike broke up with me I actually applied at a vet office as a receptionist(I couldn't wait to tell him when I got home ) just to get my foot in the door and I don't want to be a nanny anymore, and since then I have had two interviews at two different places. I've always been a go getter when it came to working. I also was in a ballet class before it got expensive and went running when I had the chance.

[jasminemarie7]

I just feel like it's over, 30 days and not a "how are you?" I feel when you find the one you'll do anything to get your life on track, especially if it's a guy. I feel horrible.

 

His whole trip I felt like he missed me which was not like him cause he wasnt cuddly and then that Friday actually on his way home from Colorado to Vegas I spoke with him when he called me that morning I told him I helped a hurt bird in front of the house and he snapped at.me and said "what is wrong with you" he never spoke like that way to me then that night I called him a couple of times cause I was going to the movies and wanted to make sure he was OK and he finally answered and said "what what do you want I'm trying to drive" so I guess it started that Friday..then complete shut down. He would laugh here and there and rub my shoulders ,but mostly nothing.

[ControlDenied]

Move forward with your life plans. Don't wait for him.

[jasminemarie7]

I'm trying, but can I ask...do you know or have you heard of couples that have gotten back together after one person was indifferent towards the breakup, or am I just holding on to false hope?

[ControlDenied]

Couples have come back from far far worst problems. But it takes a level of self awareness and maturity that takes a lot of work to achieve.

[ControlDenied]

The problem is that you are 'holding' to this... Let it go.

Focus on yourself, go to the gym, focus on your personal goals.

 

If your personal goal is to find a man... Think about the day after marriage... What would you do the day after marriage?

Become that woman that you want to be.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he's grown cold an insensitive. Move on you can do better.

I told him I helped a hurt bird in front of the house and he snapped at.me and said "what is wrong with you"

[jasminemarie7]

I thought you said I had a chance ,but I must move on?

[jasminemarie7]

To be honest my mom said the same thing but not to that degree...I put in my car to take it to my work to call the bird people(yes I know I sound silly) I didn't touch it I wrapped it in my flannel. It died.

 

So I feel like I'm getting now is to get over it...he is over you?

[Wiseman2]

Focus on your kind heart and innate love of animals and new career choice. He's gone off in a strange direction. You'll meet lots of kind animal loving guys in the future who will share more of your values.

I put in my car to take it to my work to call the bird people(yes I know I sound silly) I didn't touch it I wrapped it in my flannel. It died.

[Charlie86]

i guess as hard as it is that's the answer he seems to be doing ok without you ... I know exactly how you feel because I love my ex boyfriend to bits and thought he felt the same yet he finished it blaming it on my insecurities and keeps coming up with cop outs of why we shouldn't get back together , he seems to be doing fine and I'm left heartbroken/destroyed. I always believed that you Should fight for love but if the other person cares too they wouldn't let it go easily they would also be trying to make the relationship work xx

[ControlDenied]

I thought you said I had a chance ,but I must move on?

 

Sounds contradictory, but it is not. Only by truly focusing on yourself you will ultimately know if you had a chance

[jasminemarie7]

One more question....do you think it's a bad sign if it's been 5 weeks and he hasn't tried calling at all?

[Wiseman2]

It's a good sign for you. It means no more being strung along with false hope, no more blaming you , no more nonsense.

One more question....do you think it's a bad sign if it's been 5 weeks and he hasn't tried calling at all?