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Feeling sort of distant.


flowerman

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Hello, I'm new. 21 year old male in a hetero relationship for just under a year.

 

Since our first couple of dates we have been pretty much inseparable, doing most things together. I have always in the back of my mind had a sense of pressure from this and the need to have my own space and time, which I have never voiced to her. I think that she loves me more than I love her, don't get me wrong I love her a lot, and I think our relationship is very good. She believes we are soulmates, meant to be; I don't believe in that really, I just think we met at a good time and we both fell in love. Lately, over the past couple of months, I feel a little apart from her. She has what you might call a 'little girl' kink, and refers to me as her 'daddy', pretty much all of the time. It is not necessarily sexual, she just likes this idea a lot. I thought I was okay with it, especially sexually, but more recently I am not sure I would always be comfortable with it long term, day to day. I would like her to be my equal, to have an adult relationship, without so much daddy/little girl, but I'm not sure how to tell her this without upsetting her as it is basically her life.

 

She also has borderline personality disorder, and her emotions are often unpredictable and difficult for me to keep up with. She is very regularly (multiple times a day) asking me if I love her. She will say "Daddy, do you love me?" and I will reply I do, to which she tells me to promise that I do. She also often asks me what will happen if I don't love her anymore. She needs constant reassurance that I will always be there, always love her, and she tells me to promise this. This is tiring for me! to be honest. It gets tiring for me to go through this every day. It makes it harder for me also because I sometimes have small doubts about our relationship, and she doesn't, and if she ever knew that I did then she'd probably have a breakdown. I don't know what advice I am looking for really, I guess I'm not sure how to approach her about this, if at all?

 

Thanks

 

A

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Sorry I could not deal with someone this insecure and clingy and needy. Have you tried to explain the need for together time and alone time.

 

It's good you are aware of her mental issues because it seems you realize that is driving a lot of this.

 

If you ever try to create space or cut her loose expect all hell to break out the longer you keep up this charade and feed this unhealthy attachment.

I think that she loves me more than I love her, don't get me wrong I love her a lot, and I think our relationship is very good. She believes we are soulmates, meant to be; I don't believe in that really.

 

 

 

She also has borderline personality disorder, and her emotions are often unpredictable and difficult for me to keep up with. She is very regularly (multiple times a day) asking me if I love her. She will say "Daddy, do you love me?"

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You don't know how lucky you are. That woman idolizes you! Women often behave like little girls around a man they are gone over. This is what a woman in love looks like. Unfortunately, sometimes guys take their girlfriends for granted.

 

You need to appreciate how nice it is to have a woman who will do anything for you, and is decent. You have no idea how good you have it. Relationships take a little work........ when she pesters you and asks you if you love her, instead of looking at it as nagging, see the big picture...... she thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced cheese! Of all the men in the world, she only wants you. She's a treasure.

 

If you need more space, have less dates. Tell her you are busy. If you are not with her you are busy with something else. Simple.

 

You are looking at it the wrong way - you get annoyed, while you should be thankful for what you have, you can't see the forest from the trees. It's not needy, it's romantic. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

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She needs you more than you need her. Not the same thing as love.

You are healthier mentally and emotionally than her. To be honest, she sounds quite ill. Is she getting treatment?

 

I think if you really do want an equal partner, you should consider ending this now. She can't give you that. She doesn't even want it. What you see is what you get.

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Tell her you would like her to be more your equal. Dont let her call you Daddy anymore. Tell her you would like her to be more womanly around you? Maybe she wants a daughter in her future, one who will be treated with love.

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You don't know how lucky you are. That woman idolizes you! Women often behave like little girls around a man they are gone over. This is what a woman in love looks like. Unfortunately, sometimes guys take their girlfriends for granted.

 

You need to appreciate how nice it is to have a woman who will do anything for you, and is decent. You have no idea how good you have it. Relationships take a little work........ when she pesters you and asks you if you love her, instead of looking at it as nagging, see the big picture...... she thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced cheese! Of all the men in the world, she only wants you. She's a treasure.

 

If you need more space, have less dates. Tell her you are busy. If you are not with her you are busy with something else. Simple.

 

You are looking at it the wrong way - you get annoyed, while you should be thankful for what you have, you can't see the forest from the trees. It's not needy, it's romantic. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

Are you serious??? She calls him daddy and says "do you love me, Daddy" if that doesn't scream creepy and father issues to you then I don't know what will.

 

This is not good behavior being taken for granted. It's disturbing.

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I remember years ago I went out with a girl at college. I was all dewy eyed about it all and a little green. She used the "promise" word. Which of course I said "yes, of course I promise, I love you too". 3 months latter when she became obsessive about spending every waking second with me from walking her to class even when my class was in another building, calling her when I first wake up etc. I decided to pull back and then end it. Alas, she brought back "the promise" on me like it was some type of formalized contract between us two. She kept telling me, "Why would you promise something if you didn't mean it?', "But you promised me you loved me" etc. It was guilt mongering to the extreme.

 

I would tread very carefully here. You are young and your own independent person and sounds like she is codependent on you and ready to trap any move if you attempt some form of autonomy. Sounds to me this is just way too much too soon. Whilst its early days, imagine being under this pressure for a year or two or more...

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  • 2 months later...
Are you serious??? She calls him daddy and says "do you love me, Daddy" if that doesn't scream creepy and father issues to you then I don't know what will.

 

This is not good behavior being taken for granted. It's disturbing.

I have had girls call me daddy, whats wrong with that?

One told me she doesnt actually see me as her daddy but more of an authority figure.

I have had stalkers too.

We are all a little crazy when in love, women will do crazy for a man they want.

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